A Protestor

A Protestor is located at the Secret Tropical Island Volcano Lair (Pastamancer).

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First time:

A man on the beach appears to be protesting the spaghetti cult, although he's doing it from a distance that you would generously call "safe" and not as generously call "cowardly". He's wearing a V for Vivala mask, and holding up a sign that reads "THE SPAGHETTI CULT IS A CULT", with a smaller sign below that, which says "And it sucks!".

"Down with Spaghettitology!" he shouts, as he sees you approach.

"You're down with Spaghettitology?"

"Yes! I'm down with... wait, what? No. I'm against them! They're not a legitimate religion! They're a cult! They're evil!"

"Well, yeah," you nod slowly. "I don't think they've claimed otherwise, have they?"

"They do terrible things in that mountain temple of theirs! Horrible, evil things!"

"Right. Because they're an evil cult. They do human sacrifice and stuff, probably."

"They force their members to give them money! Like, all their money!"

"That's somehow worse than human sacrifice?" you ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh... well, no. I wouldn't say that. But they brainwash people!"

"Right. Because they're a cult."

"Right!"

"...And?"

The guy looks around hesitantly and shuffles his feet a bit. "And... they're bad?"

"So let me get this straight," you say, "you're here protesting an evil demon cult and the horrible things they do, despite the fact that they're quite obviously an evil demon cult, and don't seem to be making any attempt to disguise the fact that they're doing horrible things."

"...Yes."

"Why?"

"Well," he huffs indignantly, "someone has to! Someone has to tell the world!"

"And you're doing that by protesting, by yourself, on a beach on an island in the middle of the ocean."

"Yeah, well, you're here. I told you about them."

"I already knew."

"You see! That proves it! Word is getting out! My message is spreading far and wi--"

"Hold it, Chester," you interrupt. "I've never heard of you or your little movement before. I'm here because that... thing they worship is my official Nemesis, and I'm going to throw it against the wall until it sticks."

"Really? You're here to put an end to their evil schemes?" He looks around shiftily (well, with that mask on he looks pretty shifty anyway) and lowers his voice to a whisper. "Listen, maybe I can help you. I knew a guy on the inside, who managed to pass me some kind of important cult documents before he went missing. I haven't got any idea what they are -- they're all in code. He seemed to think they were pretty important, though. You look pretty smart -- maybe if you can figure out the code, they'll be of some use." He hands you a thick bundle of papers covered with squiggly glyphs.

"Huh," you say, impressed despite yourself. "Maybe you're not the useless goofball I assumed you were. Thanks!"

"No problem, man. Just let me know if you need anyone's van blown up or anything."

You acquire an item: encoded cult documents

Subsequent visits:

You wander back down the beach, and find the protester doodling in a notebook. He looks up as you come closer. "Oh hey there. Any luck getting into the temple?"

"I'm still working on it. What are you drawing? Some kind of cartoon bear?"

"Yeah, this is Pedagogue Bear, who teaches the children of the world about..."

"I have just now decided that I don't actually want to know."

After getting inside the Temple:

You wander back to the protester who seems to be busy filling a large seashell with some smaller ones.

"Hey dude," he says, "I heard some commotion up by the temple. Sounds like you finally got inside, eh?"

"Yep. What are you doing?"

"Well, I have this dog that really likes shells, so I figured I'd put some shells in this shell so that..."

Bored, you wander off again.

References

• The protests against Spaghettitology is a reference to the protests against Scientology by Anonymous, in which members of this group wore Guy Fawkes masks.
• The image name, "btard.gif" references the /b/ board of 4chan, which is strongly associated with Anonymous.
• The mention about an exploding van is a reference to a meme involving a Fox report on 4chan and Anonymous. Fox showed a stock image of an exploding van to demonstrate the Anonymous danger.
• Pedagogue Bear is a reference to one of /b/'s memes, Pedobear. Trust me, you don't want to know either.
• Filling a large seashell with seashells and the mention of a dog is a reference to the "Yo dawg" meme.
• One method for testing whether pasta is cooked is to throw it against a wall and see if it sticks.