Accountant-Barbarian
| Accountant-Barbarian | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1678 |
| Locations | A Crowd of Adventurers |
| Hit Points | 0 |
| Attack | 0 |
| Defense | 0 |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | arm,head,leg,torso |
| Drops | |
| Manuel | bottle of Red-Out |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting an Accountant-BarbarianThere's a hugely-muscled shirtless man with a horned helmet and fur loincloth ahead of you in the queue for what is ostensibly the "Kingdom's Smartest Adventurer" contest. Bemused by the incongruity, you tap him on the shoulder, intending to introduce yourself and find out what his deal is.
When he turns around, you discover that, besides the loincloth, he's also wearing a little pencil mustache and horn-rimmed glasses, and his helmet has a green eyeshade on the front.
"Er... hello," you say.
"I calculate that my odds of winning this competition will rise by 22 percent if I crush your skull right here and now," he replies, wielding the largest two-handed accounts ledger you've ever seen.
Hit Message(s):
As he's pummelling you, he advises you to invest your 401k in short-term bonds, since you won't be living much longer. Argh! Ooh! Ugh! Oof! Argh!
He debits blood from your account until you're overdrawn. Ouch! Eek! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
He pounds you heavily in the <bung>, and writes you out a receipt for "Beatings Received". Argh! Ow! Argh! Ow! Ooh!
He bludgeons you with his ledger, then bills you for his time, wear and tear on equipment, and miscellaneous expenses. Argh! Argh! Ooh! Ow! Eek!
He pauses his attack to ask you to sign a life insurance policy he's just drawn up for you.
He attempts to debit blood from your account, but you can't remember your blood bank account number.
He starts to attack you, but you hold him off by directing him to contact your "Beatings Receivable" department.
"What is best in life?" he roars. "To balance ones accounts, see the funds safely concealed in foreign tax shelters, and to hear the lamentations of the auditors!" (FUMBLE!)
Occurs at A Crowd of Adventurers (Smartest Adventurer contest).
