An Ulterior Motive

Choice adventure number: 1441

An Ulterior Motive

Okay, you've filled them up with Crimbo Spirit. Now it's time to hit them in the... pantry or liquor cabinet or candy jar.

Ask for food

[Improved by <stat>]

You ask them if they're willing to donate any food.

If Muscle:

• They say you're welcome to all the potatoes you can carry, but someone parked a truck on the hatch to their root cellar. Fortunately, you're strong enough to lift it out of the way.
• They tell you about a local villain who is famous for stealing canned goods, but the stash is guarded by a gang of old-timey bare-knuckle boxers. You manage to make short work of them.
• They tell you they've got some old canned goods in the basement, but the cans are made of depleted uranium so they're really heavy. You head downstairs and grab as many of them as you can carry.

If Mysticality:

• They say they're trying to make a batch of their grandma's classic stew recipe, but they don't know where to get eye of newt and toe of frog. With your mystical sources, you manage to complete the shopping list, and they share the stew with you.
• They tell you that they have a bunch of emergency spaghetti rations in their homemade bomb shelter, but they forgot the password to the magical circle that keeps them from spoiling. Fortunately, you're able to beak^[sic] the code after a couple tries, and they share the goods with you.
• They tell you they've got a bunch of old canned goods, but that the labels are written in ancient arcane glyphs and they can't tell whether they're expired or not. You translate as many of the glyphs as you can understand and keep the cans that are still good.

If Moxie:

• They tell you about a crate of canned goods they know about, which is hanging from a crane in between two skyscrapers, with a motorcycle ramp on each roof. They also offer to lend you their motorcycle, in exchange for the video rights.
• They tell you they'll donate some canned goods if you'll dance for their amusement. You dance as skillfully as you can manage, and they reward you commensurately.
• They tell you they've been invited to a doubles beach volleyball competition, but don't have a partner. You team up with them and win the grand prize, which turns out to be two crates of canned goods.

You acquire some piles of donated food

Ask for booze

[Improved by <stat>]

You ask them if they're willing to donate any booze.

If Muscle:

• They tell you that they bought a huge crate of whiskey last week but the delivery guy left a load of cinder blocks on top of it and they can't get any of it loose. You move as many of the cinder blocks as you can muster, and they share the booze with you.
• They tell you that they recently entered a weightlifting competition, the prize for which is a case of whiskey, but they chickened out. You make it to the competition just in time to take their place (with a fake mustache) and win the prize.
• They say that their grandpa left a cask of fine sherry in their basement, but it's behind a brick wall. Fortunately, you're strong enough to break down the wall and wrestle the cask away from the skeleton that was guarding it.

If Mysticality:

• They say that their grandfather hid a bunch of caches of booze in their house and left a series of clues and riddles that explain where, and that they've never been able to solve any of them. You get as far down old Grandpa's trail as you can before the riddles get too tricky for you.
• They say that they have a collection of fine wine, but a jealous witch cast a curse on it, making it all ethereal and intangible. You manage to break the curse, and they split the collection with you.
• They say that a hive of tequila sprites infested their back yard, and you're welcome to all the tequila you can squeeze out of them, if you'll get rid of them. Fortunately your defensive spells are up to the task.

If Moxie:

• They give you directions to a craze of booze that's nailed to the top of a really tall skateboard half-pipe. No problem!
• They say there's some booze in their attic, but that it's protected by a guy with really cool sunglasses who won't give them any of it. You head upstairs and convince the guy to hand some of it over.
• They say they have some jello shots, but they're all locked in a magical cooler that won't open for anyone that isn't cooler than it is. Fortunately, you are.

You acquire some boxes of donated booze

Ask for candy

[Improved by <stat>]

You ask them if they're willing to donate any candy.

If Muscle:

• They explain that they have a collection of vintage trading card gum, which they pressed between lead slabs to keep them flat. Unfortunately, the slabs are too heavy for them to lift themselves, so they offer you a share of the collection to help recover it.
• They say they got a bunch of candy for Crimbo last year, but it's these bars of incredibly dense chocolate that they can't even lift, bro. You offer to take them off their hands, and grab as many as you can carry.
• They say that a gang of Mexican wrestlers stole their prize collection of wax soda bottles, and offer to split the collection with you if you'll recover it for them. Which you do, handily.

If Mysticality:

• They say that a gang of magically altered rats have been stealing candy out of their candy hamper, and stashing it in a half-buried cinder block in their yard. Fortunately you're more than magical enough to deal with a few magic rats.
• They say they have a huge pile of rock candy that got mixed up with broken glass, and they're afraid to eat any of it. You use your powerful intellect to (mostly) separate the glass from the candy, and they split it with you as a reward.
• They explain that a raccoon or badger or something has been filching candy bars out of their laundry room. You find the creature's burrow, and it turns out to be a tiny sphinx -- fortunately, its riddles aren't very difficult.

If Moxie:

• They recruit you to star in the indie action movie they're shooting, and let you keep all the shards of sugar-glass from the prop bottles and windows that get broken in the process.
• They say they've got a bunch of candy jewelry that they're not stylish enough to pull off wearing, and that you're welcome to it. You put on as much of it as you think you can get away with without being made fun of.
• They explain that the local fudge shop is getting shut down by a villainous landlord, and they're holding a breakdancing competition to save it. With your help, the day is saved!

You acquire some boxes of donated candy

---

Occurs after picking any of the choices in A House.

Notes

• Each stat buffs production of one donation item, randomly chosen.
• You get donated items scaling roughly equal to sqrt(5X/2) ± 2, where X is the ratio between buffed stat and main stat, with main stat floored at 100, capping at 20 items at a 160x increase.
  • Before rollover on 17th December, main stat was not floored, which lead to the best strategy being to delevel to 1 (by ascending or basic hot dogs or Base Stat Limiters) and use absolute increasers.