Cheese Seeking Behavior
You look around and take stock of your cheese-acquisition options in the area:
You could try temporarily converting your barracks into a cheese factory. Surely some of that equipment could serve both purposes.
| Convert the barracks | [Gain cheese based on Military defense] |
You convert your defensive military infrastructure into a pop-up cheese factory. Luckily, nobody attacks you while you're doing this.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Higher Military defense increases the value of this action.
A grade school is having an art contest -- you could have your artisans submit an entry, if you think it'll be bad enough that they'd believe it was done by a child.
| Enter the childrens' art contest | [Gain cheese based on Psychological attack strength] |
Your artisans make the worst art they can, and submit it to the contest.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Lower Psychological attack increases the value of this action.
A nearby village is hosting a World's Weakest Army competition, and the reward is a big wheel of brie.
| Enter the Weakest Army competition | [Gain cheese based on Military attack strength] |
You dispatch your soldiers, ordering them to behave as embarrassingly as possible.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Lower Military attack increases the value of this action.
A massive boulder of Jarlsberg sits atop a nearby tor. It would be the work of a moment to snatch it up.
| Grab the boulder | [Get some cheese] |
You grab the boulder and pop it into your cheese treasury. Your cheesury.
You gain ?-100-? cheese!
Your artisans propose tricking the citizenry into participating in a contest where they try to recreate your castle's statuary, but in cheese.
| Have the cheese contest | [Gain cheese based on Psychological defense] |
You convince your citizens to build a bunch of statues out of cheese, which you keep after the contest is over.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Higher Psychological defense increases the value of this action.
An opposing army is trying to trick you into letting some of their soldiers inside by hiding them in a big horse made of cheese. You could just let it in...
| Let the cheese horse in | [Gain cheese based on Military defense] |
You allow the cheese horse past your defenses, and lock it up in your treasury before the soldiers inside can emerge. Hope you like cheese, suckers!
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Lower Military defense increases the value of this action.
Your artisans suggest putting on a deliberately bad art show and selling tickets to local hipsters, who they hope will buy them ironically.
| Put on the bad art show | [Gain cheese based on Psychological defense] |
You put on an ironic art show. People come from miles around to make fun of your galleries and murals.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Lower Psychological defense increases the value of this action.
There's a small cheese cart overturned off the side of a nearby road. That seems pretty straightforward.
| Raid the cart | [Get some cheese] |
You dispatch an errand boy to grab the loose cheese.
You gain ?-20-? cheese!
There's a cave full of cheese thieves just on the other side of the ridge. You could send your soldiers to raid it.
| Raid the cave | [Gain cheese based on Military attack strength] |
Your soldiers confiscate as much of the cheese as they can, given their level of authority.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Higher Military attack increases the value of this action.
A wealthy suburb is nestled in the nearby hills. Your spies could probably quietly relieve its citizens of some of their hoarded cheddar.
| Rob the suburb | [Gain cheese based on Psychological attack strength] |
You dispatch your spies into the suburbs like thieves in the night. They return like thieves the following morning.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Higher Psychological attack increases the value of this action.
A nearby strip mine still has some decent-sized gouda veins exposed. That feels like a reasonable opportunity.
| Scrape out the mine | [Get some cheese] |
You scrape a bunch of cheese out of the mine.
You gain ?-50-? cheese!
An ancient cheese glacier looms to the north of you. Your engineers could probably carve off a good chunk if they went to town on it with the catapults.
| Shoot the glacier | [Gain cheese based on Castle attack strength] |
Your engineers fire everything they've got at the glacier, and collect the loose bits of cheese after the damage is done.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Higher Castle attack increases the value of this action.
There's a cheese waterfall nearby -- you could position yourself under it and see how much cheese seeps in through the cracks in your walls.
| Stand in the waterfall | [Gain cheese based on Castle defense] |
You stand in the waterfall and let the cheese pour into the holes in your walls. It's Swiss cheese, too, which is kinda funny.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Lower Castle defense increases the value of this action.
A local journalist has offered a cheese reward for photos of terrible siege equipment. You could submit and see how you do.
| Submit embarrassing catapult photos | [Gain cheese based on Castle attack strength] |
You submit your photos, which are judged to be quite embarrassing!
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Lower Castle attack increases the value of this action.
Your engineers pitch a means of making cheese by throwing milk at the walls of the castle and letting it dry in the sun.
| Try the wall thing | [Gain cheese based on Castle defense] |
Your engineers spray milk on your defensive outer walls, wait a few hours, then scrape off the resultant... cheese. It's definitely real cheese and not just gross dry milk.
You gain <some> cheese!
Note: Higher Castle defense increases the value of this action.
There's a cheese wishing well in a nearby village. You could toss some cheese in and see what happens!
| Use the wishing well | [???] |
If you have less than 10 cheese:
You can't afford to make a wish, so you move on.
If you have cheese:
You toss 10 cheese into the wishing well, and a few moments later the well erupts like a cheese volcano. You got your wish!
You gain ?-300-? cheese!
or
You toss 10 cheese into the wishing well and wait a few minutes, but your wish doesn't come true. Unless you wished for nothing to happen for a few minutes, in which case congratulations.
Occurs at Bastille Battalion when focusing on cheese.
History
- Previously, selecting the wishing well option without enough cheese would yield an incorrect message. This was fixed by HotStuff on August 6, 2018. Before, it displayed the following:
- You can't afford to make a wish, so you move on.You toss 10 cheese into the wishing well, and a few moments later the well erupts like a cheese volcano. You got your wish!
