Deep Inside Ronald, Baby (Laboratory)
Initial visit:
You skitter through the ventilation ducts, hoping fervently that nothing’s skittering around in there with you. After what seems like an eternity in the dark, you finally find a grate you can drop through.
You crash onto the floor and look up to see that you’re in a bright, sterile lab room, and that there’s a crowbar about half an inch from your face.
”Oh, geez!” the elf holding the crowbar says. “You’re an adventurer. What the heck are you doing in the ventilation ducts? Those are reserved for hostile alien creatures only! I almost gave you a blunt-steel lobotomy, fella. Next time, round up the six chemical vials you need to power up the electro-forge to make the crank handle to --”
”Yeah. I’ll keep that in mind.” You stand up and dust yourself off as the elf sets the crowbar down and walks back to his workstation.
”I guess you’re here for the control module for the Elf Maneuvering Unit, or E.M.U., then?” the elven scientist holds out a palm-sized, bean-shaped device that’s covered with buttons. There are two joysticks on it, two buttons on each shoulder, four on the right side, a little cross-shaped rocker on the left side, and even more in the middle.
”That’s a control module? Yeesh! Couldn’t you make do with just that cross-shaped button on the left, two buttons on the right, and maybe two in the middle?”
”Nah,” the elf says, shrugging. “It’s progress, man. What can you do? Anyway, I’ve got to finish cross-checking the numbers with the rest of the E.M.U. team. Can you take this and give it to the assembly team? You can leave through that transport hoop over there.”
| Step through the Glowy Thing |
Subsequent visits:
You drop through the ventilation duct into the crowbar-wielding scientist's lab. You shield your head and say, "it's me again! I'm friendly!" but the room is deserted.
There's nothing in here but a note scrawled on the chalkboard. It reads, "WARNING: the generator is only working at 40% capaci--arrrrrrrrrrrgh," and it's signed with a blood spatter.
| Go Back the Way You Came |
You step through the transport portal door thingy. There’s a brief buzzing in your head, a minute where you’re not sure if your ankles are connected, and then you’re back on the lunar surface. Fun Fact: you are .1 I.Q. points dumber now.
 | You acquire an item: E.M.U. joystick |
References
- The crow-barred elf is clearly Gordon Freeman from the Half-Life.
- The complex, bean-shaped device is most likely an Xbox 360 controller, while the simple one seems to be an NES controller.
