Dolph Bossin, the Boss Dolphin
| Dolph Bossin, the Boss Dolphin | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 2152 |
| Locations | Crimborienteering |
| Hit Points | 800 |
| Attack | 500 |
| Defense | 500 |
| Initiative | 300 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | fish |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | head, tail |
| Drops | Dolph Bossin's charity note, Dolph Bossin's Crimbo hat |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting Dolph Bossin, the Boss DolphinFollowing Tammy's map -- left at the coral, right at the other coral -- you find a cave that has been decorated with neon beer signs and octopus skulls. The dolphin inside is... well, pretty much identical to all the other dolphins, really. Although he does have a cool scar, and a bigger sneer, and a Crimbo hat, so if you had to guess, you'd say he's the boss dolphin. You don't have to guess though, I'll just tell you. He totally is the boss dolphin, and his name is Dolph Bossin, because y'know.
"Vengeance is mine, Dolph Bossin!" you yell, shaking your fist. "You'll pay for what you did!"
The dolphin sneers at you and makes some chittering and squealing noises that you don't understand.
Hit Message(s):
He bites your <arse> nearly in two with his weirdly sharp teeth. Oof! Ooh! Ooh!
He squeals at such a high pitch that your <arse>-bone shatters. Eek! Argh! Ooh!
He stirs up some muck from the ocean floor and spews it at you with his tail. Blech. Ouch! Ouch! Ugh! (stench damage)
He bonks you on the <arse> with his stupid ugly snout. Ooh! Eek! Oof!
He squeals at such a high pitch that your <arse>-bone shatters. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ouch! Argh! Ugh!
He squeals at you, but you manage to get your fingers into your ears just in time to avoid it.
He tries to bite your <arse>, but you quickly pull it out of the way and bury it in the muck.
He squeals at you, but you manage to get your fingers into your ears just in time to avoid it. (FUMBLE!)
Your final blow knocks the dolphin backwards, and he crashes into a huge sack of toys. Panting, he gives you a pathetic, defeated look.
"You're lucky I'm a little more casual about revenge than Tammy is," you growl. "I'll be taking back that sack of stolen toys, and you get to swim out of here with your face on the front instead of crammed down your blowhole."
Dolph Bossin makes a sad squealy noise like a balloon slowly deflating. He takes a piece of paper that was pinned to the side of the sack, and hands it to you.
It's a note:
To all the children at Miss Porpoise's Home for Orphaned Dolphins:
You have all been very nice little calves this year, and I am very proud of you all.
Please enjoy these toys, and I hope you all have a happy Crimbo despite your tragic misfortune.
Remember to keep smiling.
Love,
Uncle Crimbolphin
"Wait..." you say. "Wait, for real? You're being the dolphin version of Uncle Crimbo? All these toys you tricked us out of are actually for orphans?"
"Squeeeaak."
"Aw jeez. Jeez. ...All right, take the toys and get out of here. Hurry up before I change my darn mind."
The boss dolphin chitters gratefully and swims away with the end of the sack clenched in his teeth.
"And I'm not crying!" you yell after him. "That's seawater!"
 | You acquire an item: Dolph Bossin's charity note (100% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: Dolph Bossin's Crimbo hat (100% chance)* |
Occurs when choosing Follow the map in Crimborienteering.
Notes
- This combat does not take place underwater, perhaps surprisingly. Combat items, equipment, and effects behave accordingly.
