Ennui is Wasted on the Young
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This content has been retired and is no longer available in game. |
As you near Cobb's Knob, you hear a heavy sigh from behind you. You turn to see a surly-looking teenaged Knob Goblin sitting on a rock with his head in his hands.
He notices you looking at him, and produces another exaggerated sigh.
"Umm, what's the matter?" you ask, though you don't actually care.
"I'm bored. There's never anything going on around here. There's nothing to do."
He sighs again.
| "Wrestling's fun. Wanna wrestle?" |
"Wrestling's fun. Wanna wrestle?" you ask, and before he can respond, you charge and grapple him. Unfortunately, he proves to be a little bit tougher than you, and though you get quite a workout, you also get some pretty seriously skinned knees.
| You gain 4-5 Muscleboundness. |
 | You lose 2 hit points. |
Or
"Wrestling's fun. Wanna wrestle?" you ask, and before he can respond, you charge and grapple him. You bring your years of battle training to bear, and throw him a sound thrashing.
You leave feeling invigorated, and you leave him feeling like he's laying in the dust, bruised and moaning. Which he is.
| You gain 7-10 Strongness. |
 | You acquire an effect: Pumped Up (duration: 10 Adventures) |
| "You could go get me a beer." |
"You could go get me a beer," you say, not really expecting it to work.
"Umm... okay. Anything's better than just sitting here, I guess." he replies.
He disappears for a few minutes, and comes back with an ice-cold can of beer.
 | You acquire an item: ice-cold Sir Schlitz |
| "Have you considered vandalism, loitering, and petty theft?" |
"Have you considered vandalism, loitering, and petty theft?" you ask.
"No," he says, "but it sounds interesting. Can you teach me?"
"Sure," you say. "Watch and learn."
You walk over to where a Knob Goblin child has set up a crude lemonade stand. While the bored teenager watches, you kick the E off of the stand's crude sign, stand around for about 10 minutes not buying anything, then steal one of the lemons.
"Wow, thanks!" says the teen. "Now I'll never be bored again!"
You wander off, feeling pretty good about teaching the kid a lesson. And hey, free lemon!
| You gain 2-3 Chutzpah. |
 | You acquire an item: lemon |
| "Since you're bored, you're boring. I'm outta here." |
"Since you're bored, you're boring. I'm outta here." you say, despite the fact that your name is not Doug.
You wander off aimlessly.
Occured at The Outskirts of Cobb's Knob.
Notes
- Was added on November 28, 2006 along with some other Cobb's Knob content.
- Choosing "Since you're bored, you're boring. I'm outta here." does not consume an Adventure.
- The kid eventually found something to waste his time with.
- Retired during Brushfires.
References
- The title is a reference to "Youth is wasted on the young", a quote attributed to George Bernard Shaw.
- The "I'm outta here"/"Doug" line refers to the character of Doug from the MTV sketch comedy show The State. Doug's catchphrase on the show was, "I'm outta heeeerrre."
- "If you're bored then you're boring" is a line from "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger.
- "Hey, free lemon!" is a reference to Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. The original segment read: "If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy."
