Give it a Shot
You finally arrive at the Desert Beach Spaceport. It's a dizzying display of alien and human pageantry. If you counted the legs, arms, and heads and divided by five, your calculations would be off by a surprising degree. You see exotic creatures with impossible anatomies, creatures that flicker and are slightly blurred, as if they're not actually physically there. You see lumpy, slow-moving creatures that look like they're being moved by invisible strings or an unseen hand. At the other extreme, you see creatures that look just like humans, except they have bumps on their forehead, or an extra nostril, or pointy ears.
You belly up to the spaceport bar, and you haven't even ordered a drink when a fight breaks out. Two guys sitting at a nearby table are having a drinking competition -- one's dressed like some kind of space smuggler/archaelogist, while the other's unremarkable except for his head looking like the unholy union of a lizard, a fly, and a clarinet. As you watch, they each pound back a shot of some green-glowing liquid, and then start arguing.
"I did my shot first!"
"No way, I did my shot first!"
A crowd starts to form around the squabbling pair. Most of them are arguing for the smuggler, and most of them seem way too emotionally involved in the issue.
"What we need is an impartial judge, here," the smuggler says. "You, with the face! Which one of us did our shot first?
| Vote for the Smuggler |
You stand up and clear your throat. "Clearly," you say, "the smuggler is the kind of rough-and-tumble, scrappy guy who knows what needs to be done and isn't afraid to do it. He did his shot first."
The crowd applauds your choice, and the smuggler throws his arm around you. "You did a good job, kid," he says. "I could use someone like you on my ship. We're taking off in a few hours at Hangar 1138." He grabs a "Smuggler (did his) Shot First" button from someone in the crowd and hands it to you. "Show this button to the big furry monster guarding my ship and he'll let you on."
"Wow, thanks!" you say. "I really like you!"
"I know," he says, and walks away, grinning.
 | You acquire an item: 'Smuggler Shot First' Button |
| Vote for the Alien |
You stand up and clear your throat. "Well," you say, "the smuggler really has a heart of gold, and he's a hero, despite his ragged appearance. It would diminish his heroic properties if he didn't wait for the alien to do his shot first. I know it's not the popular opinion, but I have to say that the alien did his shot first."
The crowd goes wild, and not in a good way. As they discuss all the ways they're going to dismember you, the alien grabs your arm and pulls you aside. "I say, that was a most courageous and diplomatic thing you did back there. Have you considered joining the Spacefleet?"
"What's that?" you ask.
"It's kind of like the Space Marines, only you don't get to go around killing stuff. You explore, make scientific observations, and strengthen diplomatic bonds of peace for all alien species."
"What fun is that?"
"Well, you are sure to encounter numerous green-skinned females that you humans find sexually irresistible," the alien says.
"Sign me up."
"Very well. Take this communicator button. It will enable our transporter to beam you on board our orbiting ship. We leave orbit at 1800 hours."
"That's a lot of hours."
"We leave orbit in a little while. Just wait."
 | You acquire an item: Spacefleet Communicator Badge |
Occurs at Seaside Megalopolis as a result of choosing the "Get Outta Town" option in Savior Faire.
References
- This adventure is a parody of the "Han shot first" controversy surrounding the recut version of Star Wars: A New Hope.
- The smuggler's smug response of "I know" is what Han Solo said in response to Princess Leia's declaration of "I love you" in The Empire Strikes Back.
- The hangar number 1138 is a reference to Lucas' frequent use of the number.
- "Count the legs, arms, and heads, and then divide by five" may be a reference to the They Might Be Giants song "Certain People I Could Name".
