Government bureaucrat
| Government bureaucrat | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 2095 |
| Locations | When wearing an "I Voted!" sticker |
| Hit Points | 75% of its Defense |
| Attack | Player's Moxie + 1 (cap at 1 000) |
| Defense | Player's Muscle + 1 (cap at 1 000) |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | 40-60 |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | arm,body,head,leg |
| Drops | absentee voter ballot, government requisition form |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a government bureaucratThis government dude is ordering you to stand up straight, tuck in your shirt, and get a haircut. He is also basically ordering you to punch him in the face, although not in actual words.
or
This government agent seems really intent on extracting some of your spinal fluid with a big syringe, and is authorized to not take no for an answer.
or
This stern-looking government agent is threatening you with a thing like a pair of pliers -- I think it's an ear-pointing tool.
or
This stern government agent is a member of the new Anti-Anti-Occult task force, charged with confiscating and destroying strange crystals, potions, funny-smelling candles, and other such materials that might be used to prevent an ancient god from appearing in this universe. And you look like the sort of person who might be carrying around a lot of weird stuff.
or
It appears that you've stumbled onto one of the new government-mandated blood test checkpoints. A dark-suited government guy is advancing toward you with a very serious-looking syringe.
Hit Message(s):
He staples your <neck> to your <neck>. Inconvenient. Ooh! Ugh! Ooh! Oof!
He smacks you in the <neck> with his clipboard, then fines you for damage to his clipboard. Ouch! Oof! Argh! Argh!
He files a large stack of paperwork on the top of your head, and requisitions you a concussion. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! Ugh!
He looks you up in the organ donors database, makes a check on his clipboard, and takes out one of your kidneys. (CRITICAL HIT!) Oof! Ooh! Ugh!
He starts to punch you, but when you ask him if his fist has been notarized he doesn't know what to do.
He tries to hit you with a large stack of paperwork, but you've gone paper-free.
He starts to hit you with his clipboard, but you show him your Being Hit (Clipboard) exemption form.
He has to fill out some paperwork before he can attack you. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 40-60 Meat. (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)* |
 | You acquire an item: government requisition form (25% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: absentee voter ballot (5% chance)* |
Occurs every 11 adventures, if wearing an "I Voted!" sticker.
Notes
- Immune to stuns and staggers.
- This monster cannot be copied.
