HOA citation pad

HOA citation pad

This is the seemingly-infinite pad of tickets that the Zombie HOA once used to issue ordinance violations to Dreadsylvania's citizens for every imaginable offense, no matter how insignificant. Now that you have it, though, it'll be used only in cases where adherence to your extremely strict guidelines is a matter of life and death!

Type: combat item (reusable)
Selling Price: 21337 Meat.
Cannot be traded

Weakens enemies a lot
(by 30% if they are dudes, hippies or orcs)
(doesn't go away when used)

(In-game plural: HOA citation pads)

View metadata
Item number: 6459
Description ID: 182252426
View in-game: view

refreshedit data

Obtained From

Dreadsylvanian Village

You're About to Fight City Hall

Zombie Homeowners' Association (Hard Mode)

When Used

• Against a dude:

	You issue a citation for disturbing the peace after <he> belches loudly and doesn't say "excuse me."
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for disturbing the peace because <she> is breathing too loudly. <She> rolls <she>[sic] eyes and takes it with a sigh that warrants another citation.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for illegal air polluting after <it> passes a little gas. <It> looks annoyed and embarrassed at the same time.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for jaywalking, even though <it> protests that you're in a fantasy realm with no streetlights or crosswalks.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for littering, despite <its> protestations that that candy bar wrapper was there before <it> got there.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for loitering, even though <she> insists <she> was "just chilling for a minute."
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for noise pollution after <it> spends five minutes trying to unwrap a cellophane-wrapped candy.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for parking a Meatcar in a restricted zone. <She> sighs dramatically and takes the citation, muttering angrily.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for public indecency. <She> asks why, and you tell <her> it's for the swear words <she> is going to say when he[sic] sees the fine on the citation.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for public indecency because <she> has <her> fly open, even though you can't really see anything.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

• Against a hippy:

	You issue the hippy a citation for illegal environmental pollution, because <his> dreadlocks are downright toxic.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for keeping an unruly house. You've never seen <his> house, but you've got a pretty solid hunch it's unruly.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for littering when <she> drops <her> juggling sticks.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for olfactory assault. The hippy looks offended that you would find anyone's natural smell offensive, but you don't see <he>[sic] going around hugging skunks.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for walking while stoned, the dreaded WWS.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for being intoxicated in public, because anyone that mellow has to be on something.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for lighting dried leaves on fire and inhaling the smoke. Not because the whole idea is stupid, but because <he>'s using the wrong kind of leaves, so it's illegal.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for loitering, despite <his> claims that <he> is just chilling out for a while, man.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for not mowing <her> stupid hippy lawn. "Mother Earth wants to be free, you capitalist pig!" replies the hippy.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue the hippy a citation for disturbing the olfactory peace, then have to explain to <his>[sic] what that means.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

• Against an orc:

	You issue a citation for noise ordinance violations. "Harsh, bro," says the orc, "that party ruled, bro."
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for being a public nuisance, citing the orc's five layered popped-collar pastel polos.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for littering, after he gets a phone number from a "four" and drops it on the ground.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for trespassing. "Bro, panty raids are a tradition and junk, bro!" he protests.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for loitering, despite his protests that he was "just watching the honeys go by, bro."
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for illegal partying. Looks like he will have to fight for his rights a little harder.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for public indecency, despite his protests that "paddling naked pledges is part of our fine tradition of brotherhood, bro."
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for driving a Meatcar without a license, rejecting his claim that he has a "license to ILL, bro."
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for making a false report after he tells you about the raging party where he totally hooked up with eight chicks at one time.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

or

	You issue a citation for carrying a weapon without a permit after he flexes and takes you to the GUN show.
	Monster attack power reduced by 30% Monster defense reduced by 30%

• Otherwise:

	You pull out the pad and issue your opponent an official citation. <He> blushes with shame.
	Monster attack power reduced by 20-30 Monster defense reduced by 20-30

• Subsequent times in the same combat:

	You don't want to use too many of these things, or the people might revolt.

Notes

• Staggers your opponent 100% of the time, but only against a dude, hippy or orc.
• Using the citation pad a second time in one combat does not consume a round (twiddle).

See Also

• Stunning

Collection

• 🥇: Lord Stefano (#536624) - 12
• 🥈: AltaZorn (#1215777), Archham (#262104), jeanbern (#2702274) - 2
• #5: Agburanar (#556788), Ahorriblesn (#1654200), Antic the Fearless (#247244), AnxiousHyrax (#1274859), Archon386 (#2006602), Beljeferon (#651155) - 1

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