Jamfish

Jamfish
Monster ID	759
Locations	Madness Reef
Hit Points	750
Attack	400
Defense	360
No-Hit	410
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	fish
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head
Drops	jamfish jam, jellyfish gel, seaweed, jam band
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a jamfish

This is a jamfish. It's like a jellyfish, but where jellyfish tend to move somewhat quickly and with purpose, jamfish move slowly and aimlessly, and are always very confused and rarely take showers and ask if they can crash on your couch for a couple of days and end up staying for like six months and borrowing a bunch of money and constantly burning little holes in your carpet and... Oh, sorry. Lost myself for a minute there.

Anyway, this jamfish. You adopt a defensive posture as it slowly drifts toward you. Then it starts drifting away from you, so you relax a little. Then it starts moving back toward you again and you raise your weapon. Then it starts drifting around in circles, not paying attention to you, at which point you get sick of watching this crap and lunge at it.

Hit Message(s):

It hits you in the <foot> with one of its tendrils. To recap, the tendril is the thing on the jamfish that makes contact with your <foot>. Eek! Ooh! Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Ooh! Ooh! Argh! Ooh! Ugh!

It gives you a vigorous Indian burn with one of its tendrils. Man. This thing's meaner than Wolfman's brother. Ugh! Ow! Eek! Oof! Argh! Ugh! Ouch! Ugh! Ugh! Argh!

It grabs a piece of paper off of the ocean floor, and slices you on the nipple. Man, now you know how Floyd the Chimpanzee felt. Ouch! Ooh! Oof! Ugh! Argh! Ow! Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Oof!

It hits you in the <foot> with one of its tendrils. Your <foot> splits open and melts. Argh! Ugh! Ooh! Oof! Ouch! Oof! Ugh! Oof! Argh! Oof!

It hoists you up by one tendril and smacks you in the <foot> with another. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ugh! Oof! Ow! Ooh! Ugh!

It reaches out a tendril and smacks you in the Golgi apparatus. You didn't even know you had one of those! Ooh! Ouch! Argh! Ow! Ugh! Argh! Ouch! Ugh! Ow! Eek!

Critical Hit Message:

It wraps one tendril around your neck and repeatedly pokes you in the eyes with several more. All things reconsidered, it's one of the more painful experiences of your life. Oof! Ugh! Ugh! Eek! Ouch! Oof! Ouch! Ooh! Ow! Ouch!

Miss Message(s):

It moves as if to attack you, but gets distracted by the scent of a mule. A... sea mule.

It tries to swat you with its tendrils, but every move it makes, you've got a hand up just in time.

It starts to attack you, but decides to take a break to get some dinner and see a movie instead.

It swims toward you to attack, but its poor heart just isn't strong enough.

It swims toward you lengthwise, but you move diagonally out of the way.

It moves to attack you, but gets a forlorn look on its face as it's distracted by the sound of a car horn in the distance. Or perhaps it's the sound of some Rhine wine. You never could tell the difference.

Fumble Message:

It tries to slap you with a tentacle, but it's feeling foggy -- rather groggy. You help it to its car. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: jamfish jam (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: jellyfish gel (10% chance)*

You acquire an item: seaweed (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: jam band (5% chance)*

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Occurs at Madness Reef.

Notes

• A successful attack by this monster has a chance to poison you:

  You are poisoned by the attack...

  You acquire an effect: Majorly Poisoned (duration: 10 Adventures)

• The jellyfish gel will only drop if you have asked Grandpa about the reef.

References

• Jamfish is clearly a play on jellyfish.
• In the show, SpongeBob SquarePants, jelly can be obtained from jellyfish.
• All of the hit and miss messages are references to Phish songs or albums.
• The Golgi apparatus is a real thing, and you have them. Probably one per cell in your body.