Laser lancing
| Laser lancing | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 647 |
| Locations | A Sinister Dodecahedron |
| Hit Points | Scales with player stats |
| Attack | Scales with player stats |
| Defense | Scales with player stats |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | construct |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | barrel, hinge, leg |
| Drops | unstable laser battery, unstable laser battery |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a laser lancingThis is a high-powered cutting laser, originally designed for slicing through hard, dense materials like iron and concrete. It's been re-purposed to slice through soft, fleshy materials, like you.
Hit Message(s):
It slices through your <kidney>. At least the wound is automatically cauterized. Argh! Eek! Eek! Ouch!
It decides your <kidney> is off-balance, and laser-levels it by cutting it in half. Eek! Ugh! Argh! Oof!
It shoots a beam straight through your midsection. Hey, you were using those internal organs! Ouch! Ow! Oof! Ugh!
It shoots a grid of laser-cutting goodness at you, dicing you like an onion. Argh! Eek! Oof! Ooh!
It fires a "laser" at you, which "lances" you like a boil. Speaking of which, "boil" is what your precious internal fluids are currently doing. Eek! Eek! Ouch! Argh! (hot damage)
It tries to slice through your <kidney>, but you deflect it with a nearby mirror.
It shoots a laser-line across the room at you, but you jump over it.
It tries to shoot a beam through your midsection, but your doughy paunch absorbs and diffuses the beam.
It fires a lancing laser at you, but you quickly hold up that nasty boil you've been trying to get rid of. The laser lances it cleanly, and it heals immediately. Phew! Thank goodness you're rid of that boil you've had for ages! (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: unstable laser battery (30% chance)* |
| You acquire an item: unstable laser battery (30% chance)* |
Occurred in A Sinister Dodecahedron.
References
- The word "laser" being in quotes is a reference to Dr. Evil in the second Austin Powers movie; Dr. Evil uses air-quotes whenever he says the word laser.
- The phrase "precious internal fluids" is a reference to Dr. Strangelove, which has a character that is obsessing over "the purity of precious bodily fluids".
- The line about "laser-leveling" refers to a laser line level, a construction tool used to test whether a line is level to the ground.
- Jumping over the laser refers to the countless number of video game bosses which have a predictable and easy to jump over laser sweep attack.
- Healing a boil by "zapping" it with a laser refers to laser dermabrasion, although it is used only to treat its scars.
