Life is Like a Cherry of Bowls
Bowling ball in hand, you stride into the alley like you own the place.
| Let's roll |
First time:
You step up to one of the few bowling lanes that has been kept free of ancient debris. There's a set of pins standing at the ready at the other end of the lane, and you've got this bowling ball, so... why not?
The stone ball is heavier than you expected, and the pins turn out to be made of stone as well, but you knock a few of them over, and clean up most of the rest on your second attempt. As the ancient pin-setting machinery grinds into action, you hear an audible sneer from the next lane. It turns out to be a smoky, ghostly apparition, with glowing red eyes, holding a scorched and blackened bowling ball.
"So, you think you can roll, ese?" the spirit smirks. "Let me show you how a real man does it." He winds up and releases his ball, which rumbles down the lane, arcing gracefully to smash directly into the pins. Strike!
The ghost does a very satisfied little dance, then turns to sneer at you again. "You ain't got what it takes, pendejo," he smirks.
Annoyed, you resolve to show this jerk what for, but the ball-return seems to have mislaid your bowling ball. Looks like you'll have to scrounge up another one.
You gain 20-25 Strengthliness. You gain 20-25 Magicalness. You gain 20-25 Roguishness.
Second time:
With your new ball in hand, you step up to the lanes. The red-eyed spirit is waiting to continue your match, still sneering derisively at you. He rolls first this time, and you're pretty sure you see him lick his ball before he does so. What a weirdo!
He gets another strike, while you just barely manage to pull out a spare. The ghost's smugness is basically intolerable. The two of you go a couple more frames before your ball gets lost again. Your opponent, fortunately, doesn't continue his run of strikes -- perhaps the first two were partly luck -- but he's still scoring very high, and you're still just getting used to these heavy stone balls.
"Hey man, you running away?" the ghost laughs as you turn to leave to find another ball.
"You just wait here," you growl. "I'll be right back."
"Whenever you're ready, man, I'll be here!" he retorts, holding his arms out challengingly, his red eyes flashing with evil glee.
You gain 20-25 Beefiness. You gain 20-25 Enchantedness. You gain 20-25 Roguishness.
Third time:
You return to the lanes with a fresh bowling ball and roll another couple frames against the ghost. You're starting to get the hang of things, and your skill is steadily improving -- you even manage to get in a strike of your own. The spirit is plainly annoyed by this, and is obviously thrown off his game. He throws a 7-10 split and howls with anger. He renews his focus for his second roll, but doesn't manage to get the spare. You begin to think maybe you have a chance of beating this jerk.
The ghost seems to be thinking along the same lines. He stomps up to you (inasmuch as an ethereal spectre can stomp) while you're kicking the ball-return, and hisses, "I'm gonna wait for you to go get another ball, man, and you better come back. We've got a date." His red eyes flare angrily.
You shrug casually in a manner calculated for maximum annoyance, and saunter away.
You gain 20-25 Strengthliness. You gain 20-25 Wizardliness. You gain 20-25 Roguishness.
Fourth time:
You return to the bowling alley to find the red-eyed spectre throwing a few practice balls. He puffs out his chest (well, the ghostly silhouette of his chest) when he sees you -- it looks like he's got his confidence back, worse luck. "You ready for this, man?" he chortles. "I am gonna mess you up."
"Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man," you mutter.
The ghost is back in top form again, unfortunately, but you're getting pretty good at this game yourself. By the time the ball-return chokes again, you're practically tied, and down to the last frame.
As you leave to find one more bowling ball, the ghost starts throwing practice rolls again, too angry to even trash-talk you as you go.
You gain 20-25 Strongness. You gain 20-25 Mysteriousness. You gain 20-25 Smarm.
Fifth time:
ancient protector spirit  -- (edit metadata)
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After defeating the spirit:
You return to the lanes and bowl a few more frames, but it just isn't as much fun without a frustrated ghost to torment.
You gain 20-25 Fortitude. You gain 20-25 Wizardliness. You gain 20-25 Sarcasm.
- With candy cane sword cane equipped:
| Cut down the pins with your candy cane sword |
Before defeating the spirit:
You surprise the surly bowling spirit by whipping out your candy cane sword, rushing down the alley, and taking out a swath of pins.
"I'm going to let you have that frame, but if you come back here without a proper ball, I'm going to let you have it," spits the bowling spirit.
After:
What's the point without a frustrated ghost to annoy?
| Let's don't |
Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element.
Occurs at The Hidden Bowling Alley
Notes
- Occurs 100% of the time with a bowling ball in your inventory. It is a superlikely adventure.
- When choosing the roll, the bowling ball is consumed whenever you get stats as a result. This means that the bowling ball is preserved when you fight the protector spirit.
- Choosing to Cut down the pins with your candy cane sword reduces the number of bowling balls needed by 1. It does not end the encounter, allowing you to also use a bowling ball for additional progression.
References
- The adventure name is a reversal of the line "Life is like a bowl of cherries".
- The adventure is chock full of references to The Big Lebowksi.
- The leave text references The Big Lebowski's Walter Sobchak.
