Monster hearse

Monster hearse
Monster ID	1502
Locations	A Deserted Stretch of I-911
Hit Points	10
Attack	Player's Moxie+3 (min 10)
Defense	Player's Muscle+3 (min 10)
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	construct
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	body, coffin, door, fender, mirror, wheel
Drops	nachos of the night, skull gearshift knob
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a monster hearse

This is a hearse, that staid vehicle used to transport the vitality-challenged to an interment facility. Only this one has a grill shaped like a skull, flame decals on the sides, and is jacked up on four gigantic tractor tires.

Looks like someone died on a SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!

Hit Message(s):

The driver bashes you with a skull-tipped cane. In the skull. It sucks. Argh! Ugh!

The driver steps out and measures you for a coffin, which is disconcerting. Especially since he doesn't measure your height with your head still attached. Ow! Eek! (spooky damage)

The hearse drops the coffin out of the back, and it pops open long enough for you to see what's inside. Eek! Ooh! (spooky damage)

The hearse leaves tractor-tire marks all over your <thigh>. Ow! Ugh!

The hearse runs into your skull with its skull grill. Thank god the grill wasn't groin-shaped. Ugh! Ugh!

The truck runs over you, which is not that bad since it's far enough off the ground that you can stand up under it. But then the license plate whacks you in the back of the head as it passes. Ugh! Ow!

Critical Hit Message:

The monster hearse runs over you with its giant wheels, then stops to pick you up. The driver throws you into a coffin in the back, freaking you out substantially before you reassure yourself you're not dead. Ouch! Ooh! (spooky damage)

Miss Message(s):

The driver waves his skull-tipped cane at you, but you tell him, "go to bed, old man!"

The driver measures you for a coffin, but you tell him you're going to be buried at sea.

The hearse drops a coffin at you, but you dodge the dreadful coffin drop.

The hearse tries to run you down, but the hare pulls you out of the way.

The hearse tries to run into you with its skull grill, but lacks the guts.

The truck runs over you. I mean, it literally passes above your head as you duck between the tires.

Fumble Message:

The monster hearse accidentally runs over a deer, and has to stop and put it in the coffin in the back before continuing to assault you. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

If you deal 0 Spooky damage

The Hare looks at the smoking wreckage of the vehicle, then looks at you.

"Uhh... Thanks... I guess..."

If you deal at least 1 Spooky damage

The terrified driver of the monster hearse speeds away, but not before the hare hides in the coffin it's hauling!

X Seconds Saved!

You acquire an item: nachos of the night (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: skull gearshift knob (2% chance)*

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Occurs on A Deserted Stretch of I-911.

References

• The last line of the description references to how monster truck rallies are often advertised on television with a similar emphasis on occurring Sunday Sunday Sunday.