Professor Jacking
| Professor Jacking | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 939 |
| Locations | Professor Jacking's laboratory |
| Hit Points | 200 |
| Attack | 85 |
| Defense | 85 |
| Initiative | 85 |
| Meat | 160-240 |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | arm, head, leg, torso |
| Drops | None |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting Professor JackingYour way into Professor Jacking's lair is blocked, unsurprisingly, by Professor Jacking himself. He's a tall, skinny fellow wrapped in a filthy overcoat that appears to be patched together out of other garments. He squints at you through a pair of thick-framed glasses, then bares his gold-fronted teeth and snarls.
"Y-y-you'll never beat me. N-n-n-never. . . beat . . . me," he says. "You sh-sh-should, should, t-turn back around. Backaround never beat you should n-n-n-n-never ever!"
His speech patterns are hard to parse; he sounds like his voice is a recording that he's constantly rewinding, fast-forwarding, backing up, and chopping various bits together.
"Y-you knowyoucan't step, step, step to this!" he shouts. "S. . .t . . . e. . .p . . . steptothis!"
You realize you're going to have to beat the crap out of him. Not just to get into his lair and search for the Beat, but to get him to shut the hell up.
Hit Message(s):
He remixes your left leg. He says it's more 'fly' with the kneecap below the shin, but you disagree. Ouch! Oof! Eek!
He beats you up, then treats you to an extended dance remix of the beating. Eek! Eek! Ugh!
He blasts you with bass so loud it rearranges your internal organs. Ouch! Ouch! Argh!
He remixes your heartbeat. You fall to the ground, clutching your chest. Ouch! Ow! Ooh!
He turns on his mega-powered stereo and blasts drum 'n' bass at you. The bass liquifies your internal organs, and each drum beat feels like a knife to the eardrums. Then he mixes your screams in and plays the whole thing again. Oof! Ouch! Argh!
He tries to remix you, but you won't clear your samples.
He tries to pump up the bass, but his woofers won't woof.
He tries to beat you up, but drops the beat.
He tries to remix your heartbeat, but you won't give him a blood sample.
He blows one of his gigantic woofers, and has to stop and swap it out. That first part of that sentence sounded weird, didn't it? "Dude, if I have one more french fry, I'm gonna blow gigantic woofers." (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 160-240 Meat. (average: 200, stdev: 16.73)* |
Notes
- This monster cannot be copied.
