Red butler
| Red butler | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1522 |
| Locations | The Red Zeppelin |
| Hit Points | 160 |
| Attack | 150 |
| Defense | 155 |
| Initiative | 50 |
| Meat | 60-90 |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Drops | red box, glark cable |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a red butlerYou duck into one of the officer's quarters in the Red Zeppelin, startling a man in a crisp red tuxedo who is ironing a newspaper.
"Did sir forget his hat--hold on, now, you are not sir. What do mean by barging into sir's quarters before he has had his morning paper?"
"Look, I'm an adventurer, and I'm looking for--" you start, but the butler interrupts.
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," he says, then looks wistfully at the white carpet, "sadly, I'll have to spend the afternoon cleaning blood out of the carpet again." Then he runs at you, iron raised and ready to strike (while it's hot).
Hit Message(s):
He prepares a perfect cup of tea, then throws it in your face. Ooh! Ugh! (hot damage)
He pulls out a pocketwatch, checks it, then punches you in the solar plexus. Eek! Ouch!
He proves his buttling credentials by cleaning your clock. Argh! Ooh!
He clocks you with the iron. At least he didn't iron you with a clock. Argh! Ow!
He mops the floor with you. Ow! Ugh!
He holds up the newspaper in front of your face, then punches you through it. Ow! Argh!
He manages to knock you down, kick you in the ribs several times, and bounce your head off the carpet without scuffing his impeccably-shined shoes or getting a drop of blood on the floor. Ugh! Ouch! Argh! Ugh!
He prepares a perfect cup of tea, pauses to drink it, then continues.
He thinks about punching you in the solar plexus, but doesn't want to dirty his suit if you vomit.
He tries to clean your clock, but you keep your hands in front of your face.
He tries to clock you with the iron, but it's an iron, not a clock.
He tries to mop the floor with you, but you're not water-absorbent enough to make a good mop.
You ask what that weird big piece of paper is that he's ironing, and he explains what a newspaper is.
He remembers that he also needs to iron sir's underwear before sir returns from his morning constitutional, so he stops to make sure sir's briefs are crisply creased. (FUMBLE!)
 | You gain 60-90 Meat (average: 75, stdev: 6.52)* |
 | You acquire an item: red box (15% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: glark cable (30% chance)* |
Occurs at The Red Zeppelin.
Notes
- This monster cannot be wished for.
References
- This monster's name is a pun on Rhett Butler, from Gone with the Wind, played by Clark Gable in the film.
- Rhett Butler's last line in Gone With the Wind is, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn," which was remarkable in the 1930s, since Hollywood censored films.
