Sleaze bugbear
| Sleaze bugbear | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1396 |
| Locations | Dreadsylvanian Woods |
| Hit Points | 800 |
| Attack | 500 |
| Defense | 500 |
| Initiative | 25 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | beast |
| Elements | sleaze |
| Resistance | None |
| Monster Parts | arm, head, leg, torso |
| Drops | dubious loincloth, Dreadsylvanian Almanac page, Freddy Kruegerand, Mark of the Bugbear |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting Maker of Hair OilA bugbear in a trench coat steps into the path in front of you. "Hey, want to see something awesome?" he says, and throws the trench coat wide open.
"Uh...you're nude? Aren't most bugbears nude all the time?" you ask.
"Well, if you're going to be like THAT," he says, frowning, and tries to slap you with a noodly arm.
Hit Message(s):
He stares at you, then licks his lips suggestively. You really don't like what he's suggesting. Ooh! Ow! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
He puts on a pair of too-short, too-tight jogging shorts. Despite the fact that he was naked before, it's really unsettling. Ooh! Ow! Ow! (sleaze damage)
He leers at you until you feel a little unclean. Ugh! Eek! Argh! (sleaze damage)
He blows you a greasy bugbear kiss. You try to dodge, but it hits you. Oof! Eek! Ooh! (sleaze damage)
He rubs some bugbear grease on you. Man, that stuff never washes out. Ouch! Argh! Argh! (sleaze damage)
He gives you a limp, squelchy handshake. Ugh. Oof! Eek! Oof! (sleaze damage)
He gives you a bugbearhug that lasts way too long, and you'd swear he's trying to pat your butt with those noodly arms of his. What's worse, his fur is coated in bugbear grease and it gets all over you. (CRITICAL HIT!) Eek! Ugh! Eek! (sleaze damage)
He tries to rub some bugbear grease on you, but you tell him grease isn't the word.
He licks his lips suggestively, but you counter with a suggestion that he bugger off.
He puts on a pair of too-short, too-tight jogging shorts. Since he was naked before, it's not all that unsettling.
He tries to give you a limp, squelchy handshake, but you squeeze firmly and maintain eye contact.
He tries to leer at you, but you sneer back.
He blows you a greasy bugbear kiss, but you dodge.
He tries to explain how he wasn't really watching you while you were adventuring, that you just happened to catch his eye when he looked up from the magazine that he was reading, but it doesn't work. Mostly because he's still staring at your chest. (FUMBLE!)
The bugbear leers at you, skeeving you out just standing there. (sleaze damage)
You slip on some bugbear grease, and some of it gets in your mouth. Yech! (sleaze damage)
The bugbear hits you. I mean, wait, it hits on you. Somehow, that's worse. (sleaze damage)
The bugbear sneezes, and some of its spit goes right in your mouth. In your mouth, man! (sleaze damage)
The bugbear leers at you and licks his lips, then makes a gesture so obscene it hurts. (sleaze damage)
The bugbear gives you a big bugbearhug, and pats you on the butt as it lets go. (sleaze damage)
 | You acquire an item: dubious loincloth (.1% chance)* |
 | You acquire an item: Dreadsylvanian Almanac page |
 | You acquire an item: Freddy Kruegerand |
Occurs at Dreadsylvanian Woods
Notes
- This monster cannot be copied.
- The Freddy Kruegerand and Dreadsylvanian Almanac page drops are not affected by item drop modifiers. They are similar to the beer lens drop and drops from crates. In particular, they can still drop after being stomped.
- The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected:
 |  | |
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You hear disgusting squelching noises coming from the bushes at the edge of a little clearing. Against your better judgment, you go and check out the noise, and find a bugbear crouching there. He's rocking back and forth, furtively rubbing bacon grease into his fur. "It's just sooo shiny," he mutters, rubbing handfuls of the stuff all over himself. You tell the bugbear he's disgusting, which starts what will probably be a most unpleasant fight. | ||
| A bugbear runs by you, reeking of hair oil and flop sweat. As he passes, he slaps you on the butt with a paw at the end of one noodly arm.
"Hey!" you shout, and jump into battle. | ||
| A noodly arm reaches out of the underbrush and tries to give you a wedgie. "Oy!" you shout. "that is inappropriate physical contact!"
"Well, of course it is," a sleazy bugbear says, climbing out of the bushes, "otherwise it wouldn't be any fun." | ||
| This part of the forest is warm and humid, but less like a hot summer day and more like someone standing too close behind you in a line and breathing in your ear. You wipe your forehead and your palm comes away greasy, making your skin crawl.
A skeezy-looking bugbear steps out from behind a tree and whispers, "Hey, do you want some candy? I love candy, don't you?" Ick. | ||
| You see a bugbear tied to a tree up ahead of you. You're not sure whether you should try to free the unfortunate creature, or just leave it rather than risk a fight, but you warily get closer to see.
Turns out it's not a bugbear at all, just an incredibly accurate simulation of one, right down to the grease on its fur. It's amazing someone went to such trouble to so accurately represent something so hideous. "Hey, get away from my girlfriend!" a voice sneers, and you see a sleazy bugbear ready to attack. | ||
| A bugbear is standing by the side of the path, holding a sign that says "Display Your Secondary Sexual Characteristics, Filthy Human!" As you pass, he says, "hey, hot stuff! Work it on out!'
You try to ignore him and walk by, but after you've passed him, he shouts, "I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go!" "That's it! You're a disgusting pig!" you shout, leaping into battle. | ||
| A bugbear comes squelching towards you, his coat dripping with a heavy coating of bugbear grease. The weirdest thing about him, though, is that he has mirrors on the tops of his paws. Why would he need to look up his own nose? Unless--ew, that's inappropriate. | ||
| You see a pristine pond in a clearing ahead. Just what the doctor ordered, if doctors regularly ordered people to take a swim in a pond in the woods! You run over and eagerly stick your feet in.
But a bugbear pops up from the bushes nearby, and a most unpleasantly oily voice says, "Why stop there? Doesn't that pond look just perrrrfect for skinny-dipping?" "Leave me alone, you perv!" you shout, and he attacks. | ||
| A sleazy bugbear comes dancing across the clearing towards you, thrusting his little pelvis grotesquely as he waddles. "Hey, do you come around here often because you live around here where your father owns a bakery, and would you hold it against me?"
"What?" you say. "Fine, be that way," he responds, and attacks. | ||
| A noodly arm whips out from the underbrush beside you and tries to de-pants you.
"Hey! That's inappropriate!" you shout. "Not as inappropriate as it's about to be," an oily voice leers, and you leap back and prepare for combat. | ||
