Sleaze vampire

Sleaze vampire
Monster ID	1416
Locations	Dreadsylvanian Castle
Hit Points	800
Attack	500
Defense	500
Initiative	25
Meat	None
Phylum	undead
Elements	sleaze
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops	Freddy Kruegerand, Mark of the Vampire, Dreadsylvanian Almanac page, blood sausage
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Aleister Grimsqueeze

While climbing a rickety wooden staircase in a back passage of the castle, you hear an unexpected click noise. Looking around, you discover a vampire hiding under the stairs with a camera. "What the hell are you doing?" you ask, angrily.

"Oh, nothing! Just preserving the memory, heh heh. Oh come on, don't be uptight, it's all in good fun." He holds the camera up again. "C'mon, let's see that pretty smile. Smile for the camera, beautiful!"

"I'm going to do something with that camera, all right," you say, "but neither one of us is going to be smiling."

Hit Message(s):

He whines and coaxes and pleads, until you finally just let him bite you, since he can't talk while he's doing that. Ooh! Eek! (sleaze damage)

He tries to explain what a nice guy he is and how he deserves to be allowed to bite your neck and suck out your blood. You start trying to knock yourself unconscious so you don't have to listen to him. Eek! Eek! (sleaze damage)

He bites you on the neck, and gets hair oil all over your ear. Uggggh! Ouch! Ow! (sleaze damage)

The vampire gives you the worst hickey imaginable. Oof! Oof! (sleaze damage)

Critical Hit Message:

The vampire bites your neck, which is standard for a vampire. The way he licked it first, not so much. Ugh! Ugh! Ouch! Ugh! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to bite your neck, but you quickly pop your collar to block him.

He tries to explain to you how he's a really nice guy, actually, but the two of you seem to disagree on what 'nice' means.

He tries to bite you, but you angrily shout "No means NO!"

He tries to bite you on the neck, but you aren't into neckrophilia.

Fumble Message:

The vampire can't decide whether to bite you or lick you, and bites his own tongue. (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):

The vampire gives you a too-long hug before he sucks your blood. What a creep.

You lose 1−10 hit points.

Enemy regains 10 HP

---

After Combat

You acquire an item: Freddy Kruegerand

You acquire an item: Dreadsylvanian Almanac page (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: blood sausage (.1% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mark of the Vampire

You gain ??? <substat>.

---

Occurs at Dreadsylvanian Castle

Notes

• This monster cannot be copied.
• The Freddy Kruegerand and Dreadsylvanian Almanac page drops are not affected by item drop modifiers. They are similar to the beer lens drop and drops from crates. In particular, they can still drop after being stomped.
• Every round, vampires suck your blood, healing themselves.
  • The vampire gives you a too-long hug before he sucks your blood. What a creep.
  • The vampire assails you with awkward pick-up lines before he sucks your blood. You're not sure which is worse.
  • The vampire hits on you, awkwardly, then sucks your blood.
  • The vampire leans so close in to bite you that his hair oil gets all over your face. Yich.
  • The vampire licks your cheek, then sucks your blood. Fagh! Was that really necessary?
  • The vampire makes a crude joke about the size of his fangs before he bites you.
  • The vampire makes a series of obscene gestures before he bites you.
  • The vampire moons you (turning a nearby dude into a werewolf), then bites you.
  • The vampire sucks your blood and pinches your butt at the same time. Inappropriate.
  • The vampire sucks your blood with his grotty, nasty fangs.
  • Your skin slickens with sweat as the vampire caresses, then bites your neck.
• The name, image, and introduction text of this monster are all randomly selected:

You walk through a patch of thick fog, and it clings to you in an unpleasantly clammy and greasy fashion. The wispy tendrils brush your face and cling to your hair. When they start to drift up your sleeves and down your collar, you decide to be a little more proactive about getting the stuff off of you. You flail your arms and wildly swat the fog away, and it coalesces into a vampire with a hurt expression on his face. "Hey babe, what's the problem?" he pouts.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, you feel someone breathing on your neck as your shoulders are grabbed roughly from behind. You jerk away with a gasp, spinning to face a grinning vampire. "Hey baby, take it easy," he says. "I was just gonna give ya a little shoulder rub." "You were going to bite me!" you say accusingly. "Nah, nah, I just thought, y'know, you're carrying so much tension in your shoulders... Hey, listen, I've got some massage oil in my pocket here, why don't you take your shirt off and I'll give you a backrub?" "Ugh! Stay back, you disgusting fiend!"
A vampire slinks out of the shadows as you walk by. "Hey baby," he says. "Are you wearing mirror pants? Because I can totally see... wait. That's not going to work." He consults a small paperback book. "Are you a vampire? Because I've got something you can... hang on, that doesn't make any sense. I'm the vampire. Um... Hey baby, have you got something I can suck on? Like your neck? Because I'm a vampire?" You roll your eyes and draw your weapon as he flips through the book again. "Maybe I should start out with a neg," he says. He looks back at you, and clears his throat. "Hey baby, you're looking kind of fat today, and I'm a vampire."
You push open a door and find a small, neatly-furnished bedroom. It occurs to you that you've been exploring this place for quite a time now, and you really could use a nap, as bad an idea as that sounds. Still, the lock on the inside of the door seems sturdy enough, and the sheets on the bed look clean. You're just in the process of taking your shirt off, when you hear a noise at the window. You pull the curtains aside, and discover a vampire, hanging upside-down from the eaves and peeping in at you. He breathes hard on the glass, and writes "HEY BABY" in the fog with his finger.