Smooth Criminal (monster)
| Smooth Criminal | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1684 |
| Locations | A Crowd of Adventurers |
| Hit Points | 0 |
| Attack | 0 |
| Defense | 0 |
| Initiative | 0 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | head, arm, leg, torso |
| Drops | |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting a Smooth CriminalYou approach a pale man in a dapper white suit and hat to ask if this is the line for the Smoothest Adventurer contest.
There's a stabbing of synth horns and drums from somewhere as he snaps to attention.
"Excuse me," you begin to say, but are interrupted by --
"Ow!" he shrieks, even though you didn't see anything happen that cause him any pain.
"Is... is this --" you continue.
"Aiee!" he interrupts.
"Okay, I guess I'll ask somebod--"
He shrieks again, this time also snapping his arm out to hit you in the face.
Hit Message(s):
He shrieks and hurls his hat at your <forehead>. Ooh! Ouch! Oof!
He breaks into your <forehead>, leaving bloodstains on a nearby carpet. Oof! Ooh! Oof!
He sees your <forehead> and decides to beat it. Ooh! Ugh! Eek!
He wants to heal the world, but first he has to damage the part of the world that has your <forehead> in it. Ooh! Ugh! Argh!
He grabs his crotch and gyrates wildly while making high-pitched squeaking noises. (sleaze damage) Ooh! Oof! Ugh!
He does a move called the P. Y. T., which stands for "Punching Your Throat." Argh! Ugh! Ouch!
He screams, turns into a puma, and slashes you from <forehead> to <forehead> with his razor-sharp claws. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ooh! Oof! Oof!
He pauses to hurl a coin into a distant jukebox.
He pauses for a moment to call a friend and ask her if she's okay.
He walks toward you to attack, but then walks backwards for a while instead.
He slings his hat at you, but it decapitates a nearby statue instead of you.
He just wants to be left alone.
He slides toward you, but his foot gets hung up on a nail sticking up from the floor.
He spends twenty minutes screaming and destroying a nearby car instead of attacking you.
He spends twenty minutes screaming and destroying a nearby car instead of attacking you. (FUMBLE!)
He leans backward at a 45 degree angle, defying both physics and your intentions to hit him with your weapon.
| You gain ? <substat>. |
Occurs at A Crowd of Adventurers (Smoothest Adventurer contest).
