Talk:A Guy in the Bushes

Well here's the text. I don't know how to make a Wiki page, so...

You stroll up to the man crouched in the bushes. "Hello?"

"Zut alors!" he cries out, "I am discovaired! Do not expect me to conform to le stéréotype of my countrymen, fiend! I shall fight until ze drawing of my final breath!" He tilts his beret to a jauntier angle, and puts up his fists.

"Settle down, Jacques. I'm with the good guys."

"Ah! You are le fellow Turtle Tamer! Forgive me, mon ami, in my panic I did not realize!" He grabs your hand and pumps it up and down enthusiastically. "Permit me to introduce myself! I am Jean-François Léotard -- undoubtedly you have heard of me, non?"

"Um... no."

"Non? Never heard of Jean-François et ses Tortues Acrobatiques Fantastiques?"

"...No."

"Ah, mon ami, you have, how they say, 'missed out'! My finely-trained acrobatic turtles are taking the entertainment world by storm!"

"That's nice. So what are you doing here?"

"I have heard the tales, non? Of ze harlot Stella and her terrible activities! I may be a mere entertainer, but mon coeur, it beats with the blood of a warrior! I have declared this woman to be my Nemesis, and I shall put a stop to her terrible ways!"

"Your Nemesis, huh? I've got some bad news for you, Jean -- the Guild has officially declared Stella to be my Nemesis."

"Yours?! But... but..." he stutters to a halt, beret askew.

"Yup. Guess you missed that guild meeting too, eh?"

"C'est terrible! That the great Jean-François Léotard has sunk so low as to become a mere... expositior!"

"That's about the long and short of it, yeah. Sorry."

Jean-François sighs dejectedly, then shakes his head, visibly pulling himself together. "It is no matter. What is important is that this woman be brought to justice for her terrible crimes. Mon ami, I will give as much aid to you as I can."

"Great!"

"Malheureusement, that is not very much."

"...Oh. And, er, gesundheit."

"You see, I have learned that Stella's fortress is quite impregnable. And what is more, the compound is patrolled by vicious, bloodthirsty attack-turtles."

"Attack turtles?"

"Oui! With her terrible, malicious training regime, she has transformed the gentle tortoise into a veritable killing machine! And here is my greatest failure: I was blinded by my pride in the Tortues Acrobatiques Fantastiques, and sent them into the compound for infiltration. I believed that they would ingratiate themselves with Stella's turtles and divine her secrets for me. But alas, her powers are too great. Somehow, she has broken the training of my hard-shelled friends, and turned them to her side!"

"That is so not cool."

"But now, now you are here, eh? Come to stop my... your Nemesis. And a solution, it presents itself to me!" He hands you a small leather bullwhip. "Take this, mon ami. This is the whip I used to train the Tortues Acrobatiques Fantastiques, and it is my belief that, even in their current state of brainwashedness, they will recognize it. If you can bring them to their senses, perhaps they will be able to assist you further."

"That sounds... well, pretty ridiculous, actually. But no more so than other things I've done lately. How will I know them from Stella's turtles?" you ask.

"They are wearing the petits chapeaux, mon ami! Like mine," he says, gesturing proudly at his beret. "They are très adorable!"

"...Right. Well, okay then."

"Bonne chance, mon ami!"

You acquire an item: fouet de tortue-dressage

--

Yertle the Turtle?

Are the stacked turtles perhaps a reference to Yertle the Turtle? Or perhaps "Turtles all the way down"?

Which Leotard??

I think that the reference is completely incorrect, and refers instead to Jules Léotard. I'm changing this. --Zucker 08:15, 19 May 2011 (UTC)