The Aquaman
| The Aquaman | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1613 |
| Locations | The Orcish Frat House (Wartime) |
| Hit Points | 2000 |
| Attack | 260 |
| Defense | 240 |
| Initiative | 60 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | arm, body, head, leg |
| Drops | filet of The Fish |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting The AquamanYou walk through the almost-quiet battlefield, shaking your head at the senseless carnage around you. I mean, it's your job to beat up frat boys and hippies! You thought it'd save a step if you got them to beat each other up, but really, it's more fun to do the dirty work yourself.
You see a figure coalescing out of the mists around the battlefield (there always seems to be mist around a battlefield, probably to obscure the parts that haven't finished loading yet). I don't mean you see someone walking toward you out of the mist, either--it's literally drawing the mist together until it's a solid shape.
The thing--er, the watery person standing before you is bald and blubbery, with cold, cruel eyes glinting above an aqueous representation of an expensive three-piece suit.
"Huh," you say, "you look kind of like the Man. You know, the guy who secretly runs the world?"
"Well you might say that," he burbles, "for I have absorbed the Man's memories, and I am impersonating him for the glory of the Rain King! You may call me...the Aquaman!"
"Wait, so you control the seas, and are the least useful member of a superhero team?"
"No, I...you know, the Man, the Aquaman...it's a play on words...forget it! Prepare to get beaten down by the system!"
Hit Message(s):
He sprouts a couple of extra watery arms, each ending in a watery frat paddle. Turns out even watery spankings hurt. Oof! Ouch!
He raises one of his yes-men from a nearby puddle, and orders him to beat you down. Ow! Ooh!
He tells you to kiss his watery shoes, and when you refuse, he kicks you in the teeth. Eek! Ooh! Ow!
He pulls a Bums and Paddles pin from one of the deceased and pins it to your <arm>. Ouch! Ooh!
He stubs his watery cigar out on your nipple. How does that even..what? Ooh! Oof!
He punches you with a watery fist. He really did a good job copying the Man, right down to the giant ring that leaves an imprint on your forehead. Ouch! Argh!
He raises his chubby, stubby hands. A host of watery frat boys emerge from the puddle around him and beat you senseless. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ooh! Oof!
not known
not known
The Aquaman falls to his knees, clutching his watery chest. "I can't breathe--it hurts--this is the big one! I knew I should have cut back on the cigars!" He starts to dissolve into the water surrounding him. "Wait! This is ridiculous! I don't even have a heart to have an attack! Stupid mimetic water! Stop!" But he starts to unform, the water he's made of losing definition and returning to the puddle.
"Well, if I have to go, I'm not going alone!" he says. "I got a crack team of frat boys to rig the hippy camp with a thousand tons of explosives, and they're all going off right now!" He pushes the plunger on a detonator, a smug look sliding off his face and into the puddle at your feet.
BOOM.
The frat house explodes in a huge ball of fire, which is immediately quenched by the pounding rain. "I guess if you want something done right, do it yourself," you quip, and walk away.
 | You acquire an item: filet of The Fish (% chance)* |
Occurs at The Orcish Frat House (Wartime).
Notes
- Damage dealt to the Aquaman has a hard cap of 200 damage per source and round. However multiple sources of damage are capped individually, allowing for higher damage to be dealt per round.
- The Aquaman shares pre-combat text with his meaty equivalent.
References
- The comment about being the least useful member of a superhero team is a reference to Aquaman being a member of DC Comics' Justice League.
