The Emperor
| The Emperor | |
|---|---|
| Monster ID | 1782 |
| Locations | Deck of Every Card: IV - The Emperor |
| Hit Points | 100 |
| Attack | 100 |
| Defense | 100 |
| Initiative | 100 |
| Meat | None |
| Phylum | dude |
| Elements | None |
| Resistance | ? |
| Monster Parts | arm, head, leg, torso |
| Drops | The Emperor's dry cleaning |
| Manuel Entry | |
| refreshedit data | |
You're fighting The Emperor"Ahem!" someone says behind you. You turn to see a man dressed in extremely regal... uh, regalia, with an empty dry-cleaning bag over one shoulder.
"Make way for the Emperor!" he shouts at you, haughtily.
"Emperor? I've never heard of any emperor," you say. "I certainly didn't vote for you. The Emperor of what, exactly?"
He glares at you through narrowed eyes (which is tricky, but can be done with practice). "The Emperor of kicking your ass, it turns out."
Hit Message(s):
He hits you with his new... well, something. It felt like maybe a hammer? Ugh! Ouch!
He runs you over with his new bicycle. You didn't even see it coming! Ooh! Argh!
You suddenly feel a sharp pain, and start bleeding from a gash in your chest. "That's my new assassin," the Emperor smirks.
"Oh come on!" you protest. "That isn't remotely fair!" Ouch! Oof!
"Check out my new shorts!" he says, lifting his robe. You try to avert your eyes, but arrrgh. (CRITICAL HIT!) (sleaze damage)
He swings his new something at you, but you duck underneath whatever it is.
He takes a break to hold his hands up to his face while opening and closing his mouth. "What on earth are you doing?" you ask him.
"New sandwich," he says, with his mouth full.
"Hang on a second," he says, and gestures beside him with one hand. "I want to introduce you to my new wife."
"Is that some kind of dirty euphemism?" you ask.
"Hey!" he barks. "That's incredibly racist!"
He tries to show you his new shorts, but the zipper on his robe is stuck. (FUMBLE!)
 | You acquire an item: The Emperor's dry cleaning (% chance)* |
Occurs when drawing card "IV - The Emperor" from the Deck of Every Card.
Notes
- Although apparently empty, the three factoids comprise two lines of one space and fourteen, twenty-two and twenty-seven spaces respectively. In case you were wondering.
References
- Refers to The Emperor's New Clothes, a fable by Hans Christian Anderson.
