The Tale of the Mysterious Albino Ladies and Stuff
You grab a roasting stick and mercilessly skewer your marshmallow. As you roast, you listen to a spine-curdling, blood-tingling tale from Roger Kenny, the Roastmaster:
"Once upon a time," he says, holding a flashlight under his chin for maximum spoooky effect, "there was a house that had a terrible curse on it. Anyone who entered it would be haunted by spoooky ghosts."
"Could you vague that up for me?" a fellow roaster asks, sneering.
"Well -- you know, spooky stuff. Like, a pale woman with black eyes and long, flowing black hair, who makes this horrible noise, like a meatcar with a slipping gear --"
"Sounds like my wife in the morning."
"Well, there's also a pale kid with black eyes, too, only when he screams, he meows like a cat. And there's this -- wait, I better start over. So, in this house, this guy killed his wife by strangling her, and then drowned their kid in the bathtub, with their cat, and so now if you go into the house, you get haunted, and killed, and anybody who comes into contact with you gets haunted, too --"
"So it's a ghost virus? Does it spread through physical contact, or is it airborne?"
"I'm not sure. But you can get it through your mob penguin cell phone, too, and sometimes when you're showering a hand will come out of the back of your head, a spooky, ghostly hand. And then the spooky girl with the long black hair comes crawling out of your television set. Wait, that's another story." Roger pauses and pulls himself together. "Anyway, all of the drains in the haunted house became filled with the ghost's greasy, grimy, long black hair! Tangles and snarls of it! No plumber could tame it."
You shudder a little as you think about trying to unclog a drain full of spectral hair. Just thinking about wet, dead hair touching your fingers gives you goosebumps.
 | You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
 | You gain Y Mana Points. |
 | You acquire an item: roasted marshmallow |
Occurs at The Yuletide Bonfire (if you have a marshmallow).
Notes
- You will lose X HP, where X = (level*2) + random(level). This damage is unaffected by any Spooky Resistance, Damage Absorption, Damage Reduction, or the spookyform effect.
- You will gain Y MP, where Y = (level*3) + random(level*3).
References
- The adventure text alludes to some of the adventures in The Haunted Bathroom.
- The story makes references to the Japanese horror movies Ring, Ju-on: The Grudge, and One Missed Call.
- The line "Could you vague that up for me" could be a reference to one of the lines spoken by the titular character of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
- Who was played by the same actress who starred in the American version of The Grudge, which is directly referenced in this story and an adventure in The Haunted Bathroom.
- Roger Kenny, the Roastmaster is a reference to Kenny Rogers and his chain of restaurants, Kenny Rogers Roasters.
