The Tale of the Mysterious House in the Suburbs
You grab a roasting stick and mercilessly skewer your marshmallow. As you roast, you listen to a spine-curdling, blood-tingling tale from Roger Kenny, the Roastmaster: "So a family moved into a new house in the suburbs," Roger says, holding a flashlight under his chin for maximum spooooky effect, "and as soon as they move in, weird things start happening. The dining room chairs all stack themselves on the table when nobody's watching, and their little daughter starts sliding around on the floor all by herself. Even spooookier, their television starts turning on and off when nobody's in the room..."
"What's a television?" a fellow roaster asks.
"It's like... a mirror, only it shows things that are happening in other parts of the world. Well, it's like a little box that shows plays with tiny little actors... never mind. Anyway, so all sorts of spooky stuff starts happening. Blood dripping from the walls, that kind of stuff. So they find out that the house was built on top of a graveyard, and the contractors didn't move the bodies, they just moved the headstones, and all the ghosts are restless."
"Wow. So, did the couple move?"
"No, they called in an army of spoooky lawyers to negotiate, and they established their legal rights to the property and took out a restraining order on the ghosts. After that, they built a new swimming pool and had a giant pool party, complete with onion dip. But every batburger they cooked came out completely charred on the outside and raw on the inside..."
You shudder to think of what a vengeful spirit can do to a completely innocent piece of batflesh. Spooooky.
 | You lose X hit points. (spooky damage) |
 | You gain Y Mana Points. |
 | You acquire an item: roasted marshmallow |
Occurs at The Yuletide Bonfire (if you have a marshmallow).
Notes
- You will lose X HP, where X = (level*2) + random(level). This damage is unaffected by any Spooky Resistance, Damage Absorption, Damage Reduction, or the spookyform effect.
- You will gain Y MP, where Y = (level*3) + random(level*3).
References
- This story is based off of the classic horror film Poltergeist.
- The Roastmaster "Roger Kenny" is a reference to the country singer Kenny Rogers, who owned Kenny Rogers Roasters, a chain of chicken restaurants.
- "Spoooky lawyers" may be a reference to the "spoooooky wizard's lawyers" in Order of the Stick #32.
