Where the Magic Happens
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There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required.
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Husband
You reach up and throw an arm around the man's shoulders. "Look, bro," you say, "we're both men here, and we both know that children are a mixed blessing at best. I've used my magic portal to check out the situation here, and I think you could use my help. Tell you what: I'll magic up the true desire of your heart, and if you like what you see, I'll trade you for taking some of your kids off your hands. They'll grow up safe, secure, and loved, I promise you that. And if you don't like what I conjure up, you can always refuse."
Wife
You look down your long nose at her, letting the silence build for maximum dramatic effect. Then you speak: "With my magic portal, I have peered into your heart. I have seen the dark desires that lie therein."
She turns pale and looks embarrassed, but you continue. "No, no, I'm not here to judge. I know how hard it can be raising children. It's my job, after all. I am a licensed childcare provider, and I'm willing to take these kids off your hands. So here's the deal: I'll use my magic to whip up something I think you'll really like, and I'll trade for as many of your kids as you want me to take off your hands. If you don't like what I conjure up, you're free to refuse."
Couple
You fold your hands solemnly and stare the couple down over the top of your half-rim glasses. "Let me be perfectly frank with you," you say, "this home is not fit for children, and I think you both know it. Now, I could report you to the authorities, but I'm in the childcare business myself, so I want to help you. I'll use my magic to conjure up the true desire of your hearts, and if you like what you see, you can trade me for a few of your extra kids. If you don't like my wares, you can refuse me, no harm no foul."
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- If you picked Greed:
| Spin straw into gold for him/her/them (1 straw) |
You spin some straw into gold and offer it to <him> in exchange for some of <his> children. <result message below>
| Weave a basket of cash for him/her/them (1 straw, 1 parchment) |
You weave a basket and then magically fill it with cash. You offer it all to him in exchange for some of his children. <result message below>
| Craft some loaded dice for him (1 clay, 1 filling) |
You cut some dice out of clay and then magically make them weighted to one side. You offer them (and the profit they represent) to them in exchange for some of their children. <result message below>
- If you picked Gluttony:
| Spin straw into spaghetti for him/her/them (1 straw) |
You spin some straw into heaping piles of gourmet spaghetti and offer it to <him> in exchange for some of <his> children. <result message below>
| Draft a magnificent cookbook for him/her/them (1 leather, 1 parchment) |
You magically draft a cookbook full of delicious recipes, and then bind it in an attractive leather cover. You offer it to her in exchange for some of her children. <result message below>
| Build a magical brick over for him (1 clay, 1 filling) |
You combine clay and filler into bricks and construct an enchanted oven that produces delicious food. You offer it to her in exchange for some of her children. <result message below>
- If you picked Vanity:
| Polish leather into a magical mirror for him/her/them (1 leather) |
You polish some leather, turning it into an enchanted mirror and offer it to <him> in exchange for some of <him> children. <result message below>
| Paint an amazing framed portrait for him/her/them (1 clay, 1 parchment) |
You instantly produce a flattering framed portrait and offer it to her in exchange for some of her children. <result message below>
| Craft a beautiful hair brush for him/her/them (1 straw, 1 glass) |
You create a magical crystalline hairbrush that beautifies hair and offer it to her in exchange for some of her children. <result message below>
- If you picked Laziness:
| Transform leather into a flying carpet for him/her/them (1 leather) |
You transform some leather into a flying carpet and offer it to <him> in exchange for some of <him> children. <result message below>
| Craft a comfortable couch for him (1 leather, 1 filling) |
You magically produce an incredibly luxuriant leather couch. You offer it to her in exchange for some of her children. <result message below>
| Build a splendid beer hat for him/her/them (1 straw, 1 glass) |
You create an incredible hat that holds two enchanted bottles, ever full of beer. You offer it to him in exchange for some of his children. <result message below>
- If you picked Lustfulness:
| Shape clay into a sexy automaton for him/her/them (1 clay) |
You shape some clay into a sexy automaton and offer it to <him> in exchange for some of <him> children. <result message below>
| Print some dirty magazines for him/her/them (1 straw, 1 parchment) |
You transform mere straw and parchment into a pile of raunchy magazines. You offer the entire collection to her in exchange for some of her children. <result message below>
| Craft some powerful binoculars for them (1 leather, 1 glass) |
You create a set of binoculars so strong they can see through walls and offer them to him in exchange for some of his children. <result message below>
- If you picked Violence:
| Form clay into brass knuckles for him/her/them (1 clay) |
You make a set of enchanted brass knuckles out of some clay and offer it to <him> in exchange for some of <him> children. <result message below>
| Create a set of fragile dishes for him/her/them (1 clay, 1 glass) |
You magically transform some clay and glass into a giant pile of fragile dishes, ready to be thrown and broken. You offer them all to them in exchange for some of their children. <result message below>
| Craft a huge punching bag for him (1 leather, 1 filling) |
You craft a large punching bag from leather and filling and enchant it to scream when hit. You offer it to him in exchange for some of his children. <result message below>
Results
When you try a tactic on someone, you can gain a number of kids. This depends on what you are offering, who you are offering it to, and if you have been trying for too long. If you make more than 6 tries, the results will be preceded by, "You get the sense that your bartering proposals are becoming wearisome." and will be less successful.
- Wrong tactic = 0
- Right tactic to husband or wife with simple materials = 1
- Right tactic to couple with simple materials = 3
- Right tactic to husband or wife with fancy materials = 5
- Right tactic to couple with fancy materials = 7
Or, after becoming wearisome:
- Wrong tactic = 0
- Right tactic to husband or wife with simple materials = 0
- Right tactic to couple with simple materials = 1
- Right tactic to husband or wife with fancy materials = 3
- Right tactic to couple with fancy materials = 5
Messages
0 kids:
- "Do you really think I'm that shallow?" <he/she/they> screams, grabbing your gift and flinging it to the ground, then stomping until it's nothing but tatters.
- He insists that regardless of what you think you saw through that portal, buddy, he is not about to trade any kids for what you're offering. In fact, he shows you exactly what he thinks of your offering by tossing it in the fireplace.
- He is horrified that you'd even suggest a trade like that for his precious children. He takes your offering and throws it out the window.
- "How dare you suggest that I would trade a child for such a trifle!" <he/she> hisses, clutching a random kid tightly. He siezes[sic] your gift and chucks it out the window.
- "How dare you suggest that we would trade a child for such a trifle!" they hiss, clutching a couple of random kids tightly. They sieze your gift and chuck it out the window.
- He gasps, shocked, that you would have the audacity to offer that in exchange for his precious children. In fact, his flings it out the window, after stomping on it first.
1 kid:
- <He/she> seems intrigued by your offer and gives you one of <his/her> children in exchange.
- <He/she> is moderately intrigued by your offering, and offers to trade one of <his/her> kids.
- <He/she> tries to demur, but your offer is too intriguing, so he reluctantly offers up one of <his/her> kids.
- <He/she> covers <her> face, but peeks at your offering through her fingers, finally agreeing to trade one child for your offering.
- <He/she> allows that she could probably see her way to trading one of her children for your offer.
3 kids:
- They/he/she seem pleased by your offer and give you three of their children in exchange.
- They/he/she smile delightedly at your offering, gladly trading three kids for it.
- They/he/she have a brief moment of internal struggle, but then offer you three kids for your offering.
- They are practically salivating at your offering, and cheerfully offer up three whole children in exchange (after you clarify that you don't take fractions thereof).
- They hem and haw for a few minutes, but finally concedes that they will exchange three kids for your offering.
5 kids:
- She gets a faraway look in her eyes as she examines your offering, then pushes five kids toward you.
- She seems pleased by your offer and gives you five of her semi-precious children in exchange.
- She is delighted by your offer, quickly corralling five kids to trade.
- She seems pretty excited by your offering, quickly roping together five kids and shoving them toward you.
- He stares wide-eyed at your offering, wordlessly offering you five kids in exchange.
7 kids:
- They stare wide-eyed and slack-jawed at your offering, wordlessly offering seven children in exchange.
- You clearly have hit the true desire of their hearts, as they offer you seven kids in exchange.
- "Curse your black magic, foul gnome! We are powerless to resist it!" With a wink, they offer you seven kids in exchange for your gift.
- They seem pleased by your offer and give you seven of their not-so-precious-after-all children in exchange.
- They are almost too busy excitedly looking at your offering to give you seven kids in exchange for it.
| Try another tactic |
Occurs when appealing to the husband, wife or couple.
Notes
- The image is always the same one as you received earlier -- for example, if you received momdad3.gif, you will always receive dad3.gif or mom3.gif if applicable.
- Making an object leads you back to this choice, but there is no intro text.
- Some options give you a kid in exchange for the item listed, but some just consume the item. Appealing to the couple is harder to do but you get 3 kids instead of 1.
