View source for O.A.F.

{{NeedsSpading|comment=Autosell/block rates, and pretty much everything else}}
{{familiar
|famid=67
|H1=Positronic Brain
|H2=It's sure to "improve" your game 
|H3=No, Seriously.
|ability=Is optimal
|function=Reduces stat gains, takes away MP, removes buffs, forces you to attack with your weapon instead of using items and skills, randomly autosells dropped items, and prints a variety of useless messages.
|throne=All Attributes -10, sometimes increases [[Monster Level]].
|hatchling=Deactivated O. A. F.
|equipment=hardware upgrade
|ucm=0
|sh=0
|oc=0
|hns=0
|hands=0
|wings=0
|animal=0
|clothes=0
|eyes=1
|mechanical=1
|sleaze=0
|undead=0
|hot=0
|biting=0
|quick=0
|flying=0
|evil=1
|bug=0}}

*At the beginning of combat:
*:<name> says: "This is not an optimum location for an adventurer of your abilities.  I recommend that you relocate to <random location>."
*:<name> says "The effect <random buff> is not optimal at this time. Removing."
*:<name> says: "$bn read MACNAM, $pnp read MACNAM. Password: maximum output resource yield. Illegal entry: try again."
*:You hear a sizzling noise, and a puff of blue smoke wafts out of <name>'s rear vent.
*Regular messages:
*:<name> says "Use of that skill has been calculated to be sub-optimal. I recommend that you attack with your weapon, instead." 
*::(Combat proceeds as if you had attacked with your equipped weapon.)
*:<name> says "Use of that item has been calculated to be sub-optimal. I recommend that you attack with your weapon, instead." 
*::(Combat proceeds as if you had attacked with your equipped weapon.)
*:<name> says: "Chosen course of action found to be non-opticlick opticlick opticlick ...Standing by."
*:A clanking and grinding of gears emerges from somewhere in <name>'s robotic innards.
*At the end of combat:
*:<name> says "You are advancing at an unbalanced and suboptimal rate. Please allow me to adjust your advancement rate to compensate."
*::(Reduces stat gain.)
*:<name> starts humming the chorus to "Daisy Bell".
*::(Reduces stat gain.)
*:<name> says: "WARNING: Stack overflow. Functions reset."
*::(Reduces stat gain.)
*:<name> says: "Three, four, five, six, boxcars. Gate closed."
*::(Reduces stat gain.)
*:<name> says "Your present level of Muscularity/Mana/Mojo Points is suboptimal for the current situation. Adjusting." {{MP|type=lose|amount=5-10}}
*:<name> grabs an item off of the ground, and says "I have determined that the Meat you could get for this <item you would have received from the encounter> is more useful under the current circumstances than the item itself."<br />He runs off, and comes back a few minutes later to hand you some Meat. {{meat|amount=<the item's autosell value>}}
*:<name> says: "Your current Hit Point / Muscularity Point levels are sub-optimal. It is recommended that you rest at your campsite."
*:<name> says: "SYSTAT: Direct Readout Uptime: 9:01:44."
*:<name> says: "Amulfax shuffletime: less than one percent of freight drain. Log file."
*When adventuring with increased monster level:
*:<name> says "This opponent's power is inappropriate compared to yours. Adjusting."<br />Your opponent seems to shrink. 
*::(Monster level is decreased by X.)
*Enthroned in the [[Crown of Thrones]]:
*:<name> gives your opponent a relaxing massage. {{delevel|att=-10|def=10|increase=Y}}
*Bjornified in the [[Buddy Bjorn]]:
*:<name> begins to emit a piercingly high-pitched whine, drectly{{sic}} behind your head. Your opponent seems encouraged by your sudden wince. {{delevel|att=-10|def=10|increase=Y}}
*With [[lucky Tam O'Shanter]] equipped:
*:<name> stares with blank, unfeeling, robotic eyes from beneath the Tam o'Shanter.
*With [[miniature gravy-covered maypole]] equipped:
*:<name> glances at the maypole and rocks back and forth, but can't really dance.
*With [[wax lips]] equipped:
*:<name> doesn't look friendly, even with the wax lips stuck to his exoskeleton.

==Arena Messages==
*<name> considers that activity sub-optimal. Or maybe he just really sucks at it, and doesn't want you to know.

==Notes==
*This familiar's hatchling was available on [[April Fools' Day#2007|April Fools' Day, 2007]], by trading 100 [[twinkly wad]]s at [[The Traveling Trader]].
*The familiar's haiku was missing for a couple of hours after it premiered.
*The debuffing function only removes [[buff]]s that can be shrugged off, so you can't use this to remove [[Goofball Withdrawal]], for example.
*This familiar can act multiple times in a round, and can use its autosell function more than once at the end of a combat.
*The O.A.F. sometimes reduces stat gains from combat even when it does not display one of the stat reduction messages.
*The stat reduction cuts base stat gains from monsters by 1/2. Extra [[Stat Gains from Fights]] are added normally.
*At the beginning of every combat, the O.A.F. will remove all increased [[Monster Level]] from buffs and gear (including Slime Hates It and the [[The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device|Mind-Control Devices]]). The one exception is +ML provided by [[Engulfed!|Slime Tube bladder squeezes]]. It does not remove the effects of -ML buffs or gear.
*The <random location> which the O.A.F. recommends is one of [[The Haiku Dungeon]], [[The Graffiti Wall]], [[The Typical Tavern]] or "''bzzt'' $locname".
*The O.A.F. will not autosell items during a [[Way of the Surprising Fist]] run.

==References==
*O.A.F. stands for Optimal Ascension Familiar, an acronym that was [http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com/vb/showpost.php?p=2093727&postcount=121 invented] by Mr. Skullhead.
*The letters O, A, and F also spell out the word [[Wiktionary:oaf|oaf]], a pejorative noun meaning one who is clumsy or a simpleton.
*The [[Wikipedia:HAL 9000|HAL 9000]] supercomputer from the film ''[[Wikipedia:2001: A Space Odyssey (film)|2001: A Space Odyssey]]'' sang "[[Wikipedia:Daisy Bell|Daisy Bell]]" as it was shut down.
*A [[Wikipedia:Positronic brain|positronic brain]] is a common science fiction device that causes consciousness in robots. It was conceived by [[Wikipedia:Isaac Asimov|Isaac Asimov]] and notably used in the ''[[Wikipedia:Star Trek|Star Trek]]'' franchise, as well as the ''[[Wikipedia:Perry Rhodan|Perry Rhodan]]'' series.
*The messages "SYSTAT: Direct Readout Uptime: 9:01:44.", "Three, four, five, six, boxcars. Gate closed.", "$bn read MACNAM, $pnp read MACNAM. Password: maximum output resource yield. Illegal entry: try again.", and "Amulfax shuffletime: less than one percent of freight drain. Log file." are all quoted from the [[Wikipedia:The Firesign Theatre|Firesign Theatre]] album ''[[Wikipedia:I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus|I Think We're All Bozos on This Bus]]'', and they are all lines spoken by Dr. Memory, the massive central administrative computer of a futuristic themepark.

[[Category:Robotic Familiars]]