View source for Skeletal sommelier

{{battle
|text=These are the reanimated skeletal remains of one of Lord Spookyraven's wine stewards. Historians disagree on why he had so many wine stewards, and theorize that perhaps they were simply additional mistresses ''disguised'' as wine stewards.

At this point, though, any academic curiosity you might have is overshadowed by your desire not to get hit over the head with a wine bottle. You spring into action.

|hit=He cuts you open with a broken wine bottle, then pours wine into the wound. The blood flows like wine, and the wine flows like blood, and both of those things hurt. A lot. {{ouch|6}} 

He throws a wine bottle at you. The red, red wine goes to your head, literally. {{ouch|6}}
|miss=He lunges at you with a broken wine bottle, but you point out that it's not a suitable vintage for hand-to-hand combat and he gets embarrassed.

He throws a wine bottle at you, but you duck out of the way, shouting "Would you like some cheese with your wine, that you just missed me with?"
|critical=He stabs a corkscrew into your eye, carefully pops out the eyeball, and offers it to you to sniff. {{ouch|5}}
|fumble=He attempts to stab you with a corkscrew, but you object to all this screwing around.}}

{{meat|Mval=100}}
{{acquire|item=dusty bottle of Marsala|chance=15%}}
{{acquire|item=dusty bottle of Merlot|chance=15%}}
{{acquire|item=dusty bottle of Muscat|chance=15%}}
{{acquire|item=dusty bottle of Pinot Noir|chance=15%}}
{{acquire|item=dusty bottle of Port|chance=15%}}
{{acquire|item=dusty bottle of Zinfandel|chance=15%}}
{{acquire|item=sommelier's towel|chance=5%}}
{{acquire|item=tarnished tastevin|chance=5%}}
*''As a [[Pastamancer]] prior to the 2013 class revamp:''
{{acquire|item=wine-soaked bone chips|chance=5%}}
*''If you are on the appropriate [[The Bounty Hunter Hunter's Shack|bounty hunt]]:''
{{acquireBounty}}

{{stat|42}}
----
Occurs at [[The Haunted Wine Cellar]].
Occurred at [[The Haunted Wine Cellar (Northwest)]], [[The Haunted Wine Cellar (Northeast)]], [[The Haunted Wine Cellar (Southwest)]], [[The Haunted Wine Cellar (Southeast)]].

==Notes==
*Only one dusty bottle can drop.  The mechanic seems to be a 15% rate for a dusty bottle to drop, and a 1d6 for which bottle drops.
*Despite the running joke in the Kingdom of various lines of text forcibly refusing to end in a preposition (to the point of immediately rephrasing them), one of the miss messages does just that (namely, "Would you like some cheese with your wine, that you just missed me with?"). Though of course since this is a sentence shouted by a character in combat, perhaps it can be excused.
{{StealAccordion|
accordiontext=Inside the skeleton's rib cage, you see what appears to be a set of ghostly lungs. Since this doesn't make any sense, you take a closer look, and realize that there's an accordion in there!|
stealtext=You pat the skeleton on the back, knocking the ghostly accordion through his sternum and into your sack. Deft!|
accordion=ghost accordion}}

==History==
*In June 2008, this monster replaced the original version [[skeletal sommelier (obsolete)]].
*Prior to the [[Peripatetic Pasta|Pastamancer Revamp]] on November 14, 2013, it could drop [[wine-soaked bone chips]] when fought as a [[Pastamancer]], with a 5% drop chance.
*The dusty bottles of wine temporarily stopped dropping after the [[History of Loathing (2014)#May 14, 2014|May 14, 2014]] revamp, but began dropping again on May 28.

==References==
*The miss message about cheese refers to the classic insult, "Would you like some cheese to go with that *whine*?"
*One of the hit messages refers to the song "[[wikipedia:Red Red Wine|Red Red Wine]]".
*The miss message about a suitable vintage for hand-to-hand combat is a reference to [[wikipedia:Monty Python|Monty Python's]] "[http://www.phespirit.info/montypython/australian_table_wines.htm Australian Table Wines]"  sketch. The part about him becoming embarrassed might be a further reference to another Monty Python sketch, "[[wikipedia:The Final Rip Off|Are You Embarrassed Easily?]]"
*The hit message about blood flowing like wine is a reference to a scene in Charles Dickens's ''[[Wikipedia:A Tale of Two Cities|A Tale of Two Cities]]'', wherein wine is spilled across the street.

[[Category:Skeletons]]