Erudite gremlin

Erudite gremlin
Monster ID	546
Locations	Out By that Rusted-Out Car, Over Where the Old Tires Are, The Junkyard (Post-War), The Junkyard (Retired)
Hit Points	170
Attack	171
Defense	152
Initiative	60
Meat	40-60
Phylum	humanoid
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops	gremlin juice, gremlin mutagen (if Retrieve Yossarian's Tools was completed as a Frat Boy), extra-potent gremlin mutagen (if Retrieve Yossarian's Tools was completed as a Hippy)
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting an erudite gremlin

This gremlin appears to have gone through some sort of genetic mutation that dramatically increased its intelligence. Sadly, the mutation did nothing for its looks -- it's still a slimy, mottled-green thing with a mouthful of fangs. It looks up at you, croaks "I...wanna...." and then begins speaking in a perfectly enunciated, mellifluous baritone. "I want to talk about what's going on in this junkyard," it says. "It seems that you are intent on engaging in some sort of altercation with me. While I am normally a pacifist, intellectual creature, I must confess that on some level I would really like to eviscerate, decapitate, and quite possibly defenestrate you."

Hit Message(s):

He tries to harm you with words, but when that doesn't work he resorts to sticks and stones, which work as advertised. Ow! Ooh!

His witty verbal barbs don't hurt you, but the serrated barbs on his claws certainly do. Oof! Eek! Oof! Ouch!

He formulates a working theory of transmutation of matter, and uses that information to chomp on your eye, head, and throat simultaneously. Oof! Oof! Argh! Ouch!

He delivers a string of pithy, withering, witty, and expertly-crafted insults. Ow! Your feelings! Ouch! Ugh! Oof! Argh!

Non-quest Identifying Message He uses the random junk around him to make an automatic eyeball-peeler, then uses it on you. Gah! Aiee! Argh! Ugh! Ooh! Eek!

Miss Message(s):

He insults you, but misses somehow? I guess you weren't listening?

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After Combat

You gain 40−60 Meat

You acquire an item: gremlin juice (3.1% chance)*

If Yossarian's quest was completed as a War Frat

You acquire an item: gremlin mutagen (4.5% chance)*

If Yossarian's quest was completed as a War Hippy

You acquire an item: extra-potent gremlin mutagen (4.5% chance)*

You gain 42-43 <substat>.

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Occurs at Over Where the Old Tires Are, Out By that Rusted-Out Car, The Junkyard (Post-War). Occurred at The Junkyard (Retired).

Notes

• Never misses, unless forced to miss by something like The Crown of Ed the Undying.
• There are two different versions of this monster: one with the molybdenum tool (for Yossarian's quest) and one without.

References

• A character almost exactly like this one appears in the movie Gremlins 2, and his first line is very similar to the above quote.