Game Messages

This is a list of special messages that appear throughout the Kingdom of Loathing.

Game Messages

Performing Buffs

• Trying to buff someone who is in combat:

That player is busy fighting a monster right now. Try again later.

• Trying to buff someone who is in Ronin or is an Astral Spirit:

That player cannot currently receive buffs from other players.

• Trying to buff someone who is in Hardcore:

That player is in Hardcore mode, and cannot receive buffs from other players.

• Trying to buff Jick:

Hi -- thanks for trying to buff me, but I don't really need it.

- Jick

• Trying to buff Multi Czar:

The Multi Czar cannot be buffed. The reason why is undoubtedly very amusing.

• Trying to buff Mr Skullhead:

Can't buff Mr. Skullhead. Your buff slides right off the skull, you see.

• Trying to buff a Devster:

You cannot buff the Devsters.

• Trying to buff Xenophobe:

Xenophobe doesn't want your buff.

• Trying to extend a buff if you don't have enough items:

You don't have the item you're trying to use.

• Trying to extend a buff if you don't have enough MP:

You don't have enough <M> Points to use that skill that many times.

• Trying to extend a buff if you don't have that skill:

I'm afrain^[sic] I can't do that, <PlayerName>.

• Trying to sell your store without first checking confirm:

You must check the confirmation box.

• Trying to add an item to your store without choosing one first:

You must select at least one item.

Receiving Buffs

• Getting a shell or sphere buff:

<datetime> - A <buff> has been conjured around you by <player>

• Getting a song buff:

<datetime> - <player> has played a song (<song>) for you.

• Getting Empathy of the Newt:

<datetime> - <player> has fortified you with the Empathy of the Newt.

• Getting Tenacity of the Snapper:

<datetime> - <player> has given you the Tenacity of the Snapper.

• Getting Reptilian Fortitude:

<datetime> - <player> has imbued you with Reptilian Fortitude.

Campsite Closet

The "whoops" error message will report amounts of Meat up to a maximum amount of 9,223,372,036,854,776,000. Negative amounts are treated as positive. If there are more than 16 significant figures, the excess will be lost. Amounts close to the maximum may not be reported reliably.

• Trying to put a blank amount of Meat into your closet:

I'm going to assume you meant <amount that you have>.

You put <amount that you have> Meat in your closet.

• Trying to put an invalid amount of Meat into your closet:

I'm going to assume you meant <amount that you have>.

Whoops, you don't have <however much you tried to put> Meat in your inventory to transfer.

• Trying to take an invalid amount of Meat from your closet:

I'm going to assume you meant <amount of Meat in your closet>.

You take <amount of Meat in your closet> Meat out of your closet.

• Trying to put zero or fewer Meat into your closet:

You can't move less than 1 meat.

• Trying to add quest items to your closet:

Nobody puts quest items in the corner (or the closet.)

• Attempting to add more 16,777,215 units of a single item to your closet:

<#> of <item> *NOT* moved from inventory to closet. Something went wrong.

• Trying to take out or put in non-existent items from or into the closet:

The 31337 H4X0r smiles upon you. You gain 1 Eliteness. Too bad nobody's counting.

Individual

• Adding yourself as a friend:

It's good to like yourself, but putting yourself on your contact list is kind of Narcissistic, don't you think?

• Baleeting yourself:

You can't ignore yourself, no matter how hard you try.

• Trading with yourself:

You juggle some of your items and Meat for a minute -- now you don't need to arrange an elaborate trade with yourself!

• PvPing yourself:

You know, once you start hurting yourself, you won't be able to stop, and you'll end up working for James Spader as a secretary, and constantly letting him spank you. Let's not start down that road.

• Not donating enough Meat at The Dungeoneers' Association:

That's not enough Meat to make a proper offering.

• Sending yourself a gift:

There's no point in sending a package to yourself, given that, y'know, you'll already know what's inside it.

• Trying to change the spelling of your name:

You can only change the capitalization, not the name.

• Changing your time zone:

Time zone updated. Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?

Inventory

• Using an item you don't have:

You don't have the item you're trying to use.

• Using a familiar hatchling before installing a Terrarium:

You don't have a Terrarium to put that in.

• Using a familiar hatchling you don't have:

You don't have the item you're trying to use. Cheater.

• Zapping an item you don't have:

You don't have the item you're trying to zap.

• Saving a custom outfit without specifying a name:

Your outfit must have a first name. Whether it's O S C A R or not is your business.

• Trying to put on an outfit without first selecting one:

Invalid outfit selected.

• Donning a custom outfit with a shirt without Torso Awaregness:

One of those items is impossible for you to equip.

• Attempting to equip something which you don't have, or which you have only one copy of that you are also currently wearing:

You don't have the item you're trying to equip.

• Unequipping an item that increases your song capacity:

<song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. Stupid earworms.

<song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. Strange.

<song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. That's odd...

<song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. Interesting.

<song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. It gets replaced with the Macarena. Damn it.

• Unequipping a type of equipment you are not wearing:

You don't seem to have anything in that slot.

• Trying to autosell an item you don't have or can't be sold:

You don't actually own any of the items you want to sell.

Right-Click Menu

• Trying to put an item in your Display Case when you don't have one:

You don't have a collection.

• Stocking an item into your mall store:

<item> put up for sale for <999,999,999 or price in your mall> Meat.

• Trying to put on a shirt when you don't have enough stats:

You're not sexy enough for this shirt.

You must have at least <amount> base <stat> to equip that item.

• Adding an item to your favorites list:

You are now showing favoritism towards your <Item>.

• Removing an item from your favorites list:

You have shown your disdain for your <item>.

Skills

• Buffing yourself or someone else without enough MP:

You don't have enough Mana Points to use that skill that many times.

• Using a skill you have not learned:

You don't have that skill.

• Using a skill without selecting one:

No such skill.

• Attempting to cast Flavour of Magic directly, via remote form submission:

That doesn't make any sense. Also, congratulations for wasting MP.

Clan

• Deleting a post on the forums:

Are you sure you want to delete this post? It will be irrecoverably lost to the Mysterious Bitbucket in the Sky.

• Attempting to put fewer than one Meat or text in your Clan Stash:

Don't be a jackass.

• Attempting to take items from the stash without enough karma:

You can't spend that much Clan Karma today.

• Attempting to create a clan with no name or credo:

How can you form a clan with no credo? Don't you stand for anything?

• Attempting to post a blank message:

Don't post messages with no content, or Mr. Gerf will come out of your closet and eat you.

• Attempting to post a blank thread on the forums:

You can't post without something to say! This isn't network television, y'know.

• Attempting to post a clank clan announcement:

Don't post blank announcements. It makes Baby Mr. Gerf cry.

• Attempting to apply to your current clan:

You can't apply to a clan you're already in. They might decline your application by mistake, and then you'd all feel awkward at your next clan function.

• Attempting to work out in the Clan Gym for fewer than one adventure:

You don't have a time machine.

• Successfully transferring leadership:

Leadership of clan transferred. A leader is no longer you.

• Trying to add an item to the hoard without selecting an item:

You did not select any items to add to the Hoard.

• Trying to take nothing from the hoard:

That doesn't make sense.

• Trying to withdraw a zero-karma item without the ability to do so:

You cannot take zero karma items from the stash.

• Trying to add something to the stash that you cannot add, such as a quest item or an item that you don't have:

You didn't actually have any of the items you selected. Tsk, tsk.

• Trying to rest on A Comfy Sofa in a clan that doesn't have a sofa:

You try to rest on the sofa, but there's no sofa there, so you just fall onto the floor and hurt your head.

You lose 5 hit points.

• Trying to visit a dungeon in a clan without a basement:

You don't have access to <dungeon>.

• Trying to enter a dungeon in a clan without the appropriate permissions:

You don't have permission to visit <dungeon>.

• Attempting to view your clan warfare records if the clan has not recently engaged in warfare:

Your clan has not engaged in or been the victim of clan warfare in the last two weeks.

• Attempting to view your clan forums if there are none:

Your clan does not have any forums. Ask your clan leader or forum administrators to create one!

• Trying to distribute dungeon loot without first selecting a player:

You must select a player.

• Successfully distributing dungeon loot:

Loot distributed.

NPC Stores

• Attempting to buy an item from an NPC store without actually specifying what you want to buy:

Remember that time when you tried to buy something without actually specifying what you wanted to buy? That was awesome.

• Attempting to buy an item from an NPC store for values of zero or fewer:

That isn't a reasonable number in this context. Thanks for trying, though.

• Attempting to buy an item from an NPC store when the item is not stocked by that store:

This store doesn't sell that item. Cheater.

• Attempting to buy an item from an NPC store with inadequate Meat:

You can't afford that item.

The Mall

• Attempting to buy an item without selecting an item:

No item was selected, Mr. "I Don't Have to Select an Item."

• Managing your store when you have no items to sell:

You have no sellable items in your inventory. They say that one is the loneliest number you'll ever do, but, actually, it's zero.

• Attempting to put a non-eligible item or an item that you don't have in the mall:

None of the items you selected were eligible for sale in the mall. Tsk tsk.

• Attempting to search for "your mom" in the mall:

No, your mom is the one for sale.

• Trying to buy a store under level 9:

You must be at least level 9 to buy a store in the Mall.

• Add a store to your favorites:

Store added to favorites list.

• Trying to add a store to your favorites more than once:

You can't super-double-mega-mark-as-favorite that store. You already have it as a favorite.

• Removing a store from your favorites, even if it is not on there:

Store removed from favorites list.

• Trying to buy a shop with an existing name:

That name is already taken.

• Trying to buy a shop without enough Meat:

You can't afford a store.

• Successfully buying a shop:

Store purchased.

• Trying to take stuff out of your store while in Ronin:

You may not take items out of your store inventory while you are in Ronin.

• Trying to take stuff out of your store while in Hardcore:

You may not take items out of your store inventory while you are in Hardcore mode.

• Trying to sell a store that's not empty:

You can't sell a store while it still has an inventory.

• Trying to sell your store while in Hardcore:

You may not sell your store while you are in Hardcore mode.

• Trying to sell your store when you don't have one:

You don't have a store to sell.

• Successfully selling your store:

You sold your store.

• Trying to add more of an item than you have, of an item you don't have any of, or doesn't exist to your store:

You don't have that many in your store.

• Trying to buy a store when you already have one:

You've already got a store.

• Trying to hire a non-existent shopkeeper:

That's not a valid shopkeeper.

• Trying to use a blank shopkeeper name or a name over 60 characters:

Your shopkeeper's name is too long, or not long enough. Just think of the embarassment at roll call.

• Hiring a new shopkeeper:

New shopkeeper hired.

• Trying to buy more than your allotted daily limit of an item from another store:

You may only buy <#> of this item per day from this store. You have already purchased <#> in the last 24 hours.

• Trying to add more of an item than you have to your store:

You don't have that item.<itemID>

• Trying to manage the prices for your store when it is empty:

Your store has no inventory.

• Trying to add more Meat than you have to your budget:

You don't have that much meat.

• Trying to sell your store without checking confirm:

You must check the confirmation box.

• Trying to add profanity to your store text, or attempting to leave it blank:

Invalid or profane text.

• Withdrawing items from your store:

Item[s] taken from store inventory.

• Trying to hire a new shopkeeper with inadequate Meat:

You can't afford to hire anyone right now.

• Viewing your recent store activity when there has been none in the past two weeks:

Your store has had no recent transactions.

• Trying to purchase items from a store whose account has been disabled:

This store belongs to a player whose account has been disabled for policy violation. Its inventory is frozen.

• Trying to buy items from certain stores that they don't have:

We don't sell that item. Cheater.

• Trying to find prices of an item that doesn't exist or there is none of in the mall:

None in the mall

Trophy Hut

• Trying to buy a trophy not available to you, including a non-existent one:

You don't meet the requirements for that trophy.

• Trying to buy a trophy without selecting one:

You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but if you don't pick a trophy, I can't give you one.

• Trying to buy a trophy without enough Meat:

You can't afford to have a trophy installed.

Traveling Trader

• Attempting to trade with the Traveling Trader for an item he doesn't have or not picking an item to trade:

The trader is not trading for that item.

• Attempting to trade for zero of an item:

You can't trade for that many <item plural>.

• Successfully making a trade, or attempting to trade for a negative amount of an item:

You make a trade with the mysterious trader.

• Attempting to trade for more than you can pay for:

You don't have enough twinkly wads to trade for that many <item plural>.

Adventuring

• Submitting a choice in a choice adventure without actually being in a choice adventure:

Whoops! You're not actually in a choice adventure.

• Being in a combat page without being in combat (NB: is headed by "Not in a Fight" instead of "Combat!"):

You're not currently in a fight. Maybe you accidentally reloaded the page after beating a monster?

If so, congratulations on beating that monster!

• Going to a place that you can't go anymore, in general:

You shouldn't be here.

• Going on The Road to the White Citadel after finding The White Citadel:

You've already found the Citadel.

• Going to The Spectral Pickle Factory after it has disappeared:

The Factory has faded back into the spectral mists, and eldritch vapors and such.

• Trying to mine after you've taken off the outfit:

You can't mine without the proper equipment.

• Trying to adventure in a drunken stupor while sober:

You can't adventure in a stupor unless you're actually in a stupor. Which you aren't.

• Trying to adventure in an invalid time period, during Crimboween only:

No way, yo.

• Going to Fernswarthy's basement while beaten up:

You're too beaten up to accomplish anything in the basement. Unless bleeding counts as an accomplishment.

• Trying to adventure in McMillicancuddy's Farm after killing the available 5, 10, or 15 ducks that day:

You wander around the farm for a while, but can't find any additional ducks to fight. Maybe some more will come out of hiding by tomorrow.

• Visiting the Mysterious Island Arena after defeating both armies during the Mysterious Island Quest:

The stage at the Mysterious Island Arena is empty.

• Clicking a non-battle link during a battle:

You twiddle your thumbs.

• Attempting to adventure while at zero HP:

You're way too beaten up to go on an adventure right now. Use a healing item, or rest at your campsite.

• Getting HP reduced to zero during combat:

You lose. You slink away, dejected and defeated.

• Losing to a second? scaling monster:

You just lost another fight to a scaling monster. That means that the monster grows to be as tough as you are, so it's a fair fight for all players...

• Trying to go to the mirror-shard step of the chamber without first passing the doors:

Invalid step.

• Trying to view the Wine Cellar Glyphs without Lord Spookyraven's spectacles:

There's nothing interesting to look at here.

• Trying to adventure in Spookyraven Manor Cellar before unlocking it:

You shouldn't be down here yet. I mean here. Wherever here is.

• Trying to funksling two combat items without that skill:

That request doesn't make any sense.

• During combat, you will occasionally see Advertisements.
• If a stun was resisted:

<Stun ending message> (STUN RESISTED!)

Cooking

• Attempting to cook a specific number of dishes without a chef-in-the-box or enough adventures, even if the recipe would not work:

You don't have that many adventures left. It takes time to cook stuff, man.

• Attempting to "make as many as possible" with no chef-in-the-box, or any adventures left, even if the recipe would not work:

That's not a number that makes any sense in this context.

• Attempting to cook together two things that don't make a food item:

Those two items don't combine to make anything tasty.

• Attempting to cook more than you have, even if the recipe would not work:

You don't have enough of one of the ingredients for that dish.

• Attempting to cook an item with itself, even if the recipe would not work:

You don't have enough of those.

Drink Mixing

• Attempting to mix together two items that don't make a drink:

Those two items don't combine to make a refreshing cocktail.

• Attempting to mix an item with itself, even if the recipe would not work:

You don't have enough of those.

• Attempting to mix with no adventures left for the day:

You don't have that many adventures left. It takes time to make a good cocktail, man.

Meat Pasting

• Attempting to create an invalid number of meat pastes when you have none:

That doesn't make any sense, pardner. Neither does the fact that I just called you "pardner."

• Attempting to make more of an item than you have parts or paste, even if the recipe would not work:

You don't have enough of one of the necessary items to make that combination.

• Attempting to combine an item with itself, even if the recipe would not work:

You've only got one of those.

• Attempting to combine a pair of items that don't make anything:

Those two items don't combine to make anything interesting.

• Successful pasting:

The meat paste fuses your items together.

Jewelrycrafting

• Attempting to ply a pair of items that don't make anything:

Those two items don't combine to make a piece of jewelry.

• Attempting to ply more items than you have, even if the recipe would not work:

You don't have enough of the goods to make jewelry that good!

• Attempting to ply with fewer than three adventures left:

You don't have enough adventures left. It takes time to make jewelry, man.

Using Items Wrongly

• Attempting to use the time sleigh to go somewhere other than a preset:

Invalid setting. There are only three options, jeez.

• Attempting to use disintegrating sheet music on an invalid player:

That player could not be found. Confound it.

• Trying to unequip familiar equipment that is not equipped to that familiar, or trying to unequip familiar equipment from a familiar you do not have:

You either don't have a familiar of that type, or the familiar you selected isn't actually using any equipment right now. Hooray for vague error messages!

• Trying to equip familiar equipment that you do not have, or trying to equip a familiar with something besides familiar equipment:

You either don't have the item you selected, or the item you selected isn't familiar equipment. Hooray for vague error messages!

• Trying to equip familiar equipment without a familiar:

You don't equip that item on the familiar that you don't have with you. Maybe you should take one out of your terrarium.

• Trying to equip an outfit that doesn't exist:

That set isn't implemented yet.

• Attempting to use a custom outfit that contains an item not usable in Hardcore while in Hardcore:

This outfit contains an item which is not equippable in hardcore. Nice try, though.

• Trying to eat a non-food item:

That's not something you can eat.

• Trying to drink a non-drunkenness item:

That's not booze.

• Using something that is not usable, or using a combat item in your inventory:

This item is not implemented yet. Try again later.

• Trying to pulverize quest equipment or other important equipment:

That's too important to pulverize.

• Trying to pulverize something else not smashable:

That's not something you can pulverize.

• Trying to use a Yeti Protest Sign with no adventures left:

You don't have time to protest.

• Trying to remove an effect you don't have with a soft green echo eyedrop antidote:

You don't have that effect. Are you trying to rip a hole in the space-effect continuum?

• Trying to give one of the Devsters a candy heart:

Thank you for the attempt to curse a devster. Your request will be handled in the order in which it was received. Or not at all.

• Trying to feed a familiar an item you don't have:

Hey, stop that. You don't have any of those. GoldS?

Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar

• Trying to pour a wine without selecting one in the Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar:

Pick a bottle, pardner.

• Trying to pour something other than the expected six bottles of wine in Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar:

That's not something you can pour into a goblet. Well, not into this goblet, at least.

• Trying to pour wine in Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar after opening the chamber:

What?

• Trying to look at the goblet after opening the Summoning Chamber:

Nothing more to see here.

The Bounty Hunter Hunter

• Clicking one of the bounty selections when you have already finished a bounty that day:

You've already collected a bounty today.

• Clicking one of the bounty selections while already assigned a bounty:

You've already got a bounty. You'll have to give up on it if you want to take another one.

• Trying to buy something without enough lucre:

You don't have enough filthy lucre to make that purchase.

• Trying to buy something off-menu:

The Bounty Hunter Hunter doesn't sell that item.

• Trying to purchase a non-natural number of items:

That doesn't make any sense.

The Crackpot Mystic's Shed

• Clicking one of the response buttons when you have already been given the continuum transfunctioner:

The crackpot looks at you strangely. Eh? What? Huh?

• Attempting to make an item without selecting an item first:

That isn't a thing that's sold here.

Ye Wizard's Shack Game Shoppe

• Trying to purchase an item not in the store, or trade in a non-card:

The teenager snorts derisively.

• Trying to purchase an item you can't afford:

You don't have enough credit to buy that.

• Trying to trade in less than one card:

The teenager looks confused, "I'm going to have talk to my manager about letting you turn in 0 cards."

• Trying to trade in more cards than you have:

The teenager scowls. "You can't trade in cards you don't have."

• Trying to get snacks without a snack voucher:

You don't have any snack vouchers left.

Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage

• Visiting Hagnk's when you have no items there:

Hagnk doesn't have any of your stuff.

• Visiting Hagnk's when you have no Meat there:

Hagnk doesn't have any of your meat.

• Taking all your stuff out of Hagnk's:

Hagnk leans back and yells something ugnigntelligible to a group of Knob Goblin teegnage delignquegnts, who go and grab all of your stuff from storage and bring it to you.

• Trying to take all from Hagnk's when you have nothing there:

Hagnk doesn't have any of your stuff.

• Trying to take all from Hagnk's when you are in Ronin or Hardcore:

The 31337 H4X0r smiles upon you. You gain 3 Eliteness. Too bad nobody's counting.

• Trying to pull a non-free pull item for free:

You can't pull that item for free. Nice try, though.

Guild Hall

• Trying to train for a non-existent skill:

Invalid skill selected.

• Trying to train for a skill you already have:

You've already got that skill.

• Trying to access The Malus of Forethought in a non-Muscle class:

Not here.

• Trying to access The Wok of Ages in a non-Mysticality class:

What wok are you tokking about?

• Trying to access Nash Crosby's Still in a non-Moxie class:

There's still no still here, so be still.

• Trying to make a chefstaff from a staff you don't have:

Feeling pretty sneaky, eh? Rodoric doesn't fall for your staff-not-having ways! He whips out his staff (bigger than yours) and beats you (not very) soundly.

You acquire an effect: Beaten Up (duration: 1 Adventure)

Yellow Exclamation Points!

Upon logging in one of the following messages will be displayed hinting as for what to do next:

• Prior to visiting the Toot Oriole:

Welcome to the Kingdom of Loathing!

You should go see the Toot Oriole, on Mt. Noob in The Big Mountains.

• When a quest is available at The Council of Loathing:

You should go see the Council of Loathing in Seaside Town.

• When a quest is available at the The Brotherhood of the Smackdown:

You should go talk to the people in Brotherhood of the Smackdown, on the Right Side of the Tracks.

• When a quest is available at The League of Chef-Magi:

You should go talk to the people in League of Chef-Magi, on the Right Side of the Tracks.

• When a quest is available at The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts:

You should go talk to the people in Department of Shadowy Arts and Craft, on the Wrong Side of the Tracks.

• With a quest unfinished in the Quest Log:

There's some unfinished business in your Quest Log.

• With a reminder created in your Quest Log notes section by prefixing the text with "reminder:", on login:

Reminder: <text>

Bad Logins

• Bad logout of some sort:

You did not properly log out last time you logged in. You will have to wait a minute (Literally, like, one minute. Sixty seconds.) before you can log in again.

• Logging too soon after a failure, or logging out and in frequently:

Too many login attempts in too short a span of time. Please wait five minutes and try again.

• Trying to login with a old cached page:

Invalid challenge.

The Hidden City

• Attempting to put something in the altars after you have put in the correct sphere:

No way, José.

Island War

• Trying to turn in more of an item than you have at the camp, for either side:

You don't have that many of that item.

• Trying to turn in an item not accepted at the camp, for either side:

Bad request (item not in turnin set)

• Trying to spend more dimes than you have:

"You don't have enough dimes on file for that, man."

• Trying to spend more quarters than you have:

"You don't have enough quarters on file for that, bra."

History

• Looking at the old announcements page before there are any for the current year:

No old announcements were found for this year. How sad.

Other

• Going to the Mysterious Island of Mystery with neither a skeletal skiff, a dingy dinghy nor a junk junk:

You can't go to the island unless you have a means of transportation to get there.

• Trying to smash an item that is not smashable:

Naughty, Naughty.

• Clicking on an automatic system message in chat:

You clicked on a System Message. System Messages are messages that The System sends out into the chat when it has something very important to say.

• Clicking on an automatic dungeon message in chat:

You clicked on a clan dungeon announcement. These messages are automatically generated by the game to alert you of your clanmates' goings-on in clan dungeons.

• Trying to go to various places after entering the gash:

You are currently in a non-corporeal state, and cannot interact with the real Kingdom.

• Trying to set The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device, The Annoy-o-Tron 5000, or detuned radio to a value outside of their normal ranges:

Invalid dial setting. You invalid dial setter, you. Hey, we just got a new dog! It's an Invalid Dial Setter!

• Trying to use negative, zero, or non-numeric adventures at The Institute for Canadian Studies:

That doesn't make any sense, you hoser.

• Trying to adventure in a combat zone after having banished every monster:

Couldn't find an appropriate monster in the zone. Exiting.

• Trying to climb the rickety stairs after finding the secret stairs:

Huh.

• Trying to delete a combat macro without clicking the confirmation box:

You must click the box to confirm your intent to destroy your lovingly hand-crafted artisan macro.

• Clicking on a tab in the account menu that does not exist:

You managed to click a non-existant tab. Go You!

• Trying to set a timer for more than 999 turns:

You have to specify a SANE number of turns to set a timer.

• Typing '/who ' and then an invalid chat channel name in chat:

Invalid channel name: <name>

• Typing '/who' and then a chat channel you do not have access to:

Invalid chat channel name: <name>

• Typing '/searchmall' without any parameters:

Searching the mall for tea and no tea. Fatal logic error! Please provide search term.

• Typing 'whois' and then an invalid player name or number:

Unknown Player: <name/number>

• Right-clicking a shruggable effect:

Do you want to shrug off <effect>?

• Right-clicking a poison effect:

Do you really want to remove <effect>?

NOTE:

This will consume an anti-anti-antidote.

• Right-clicking any other removable effect:

Do you really want to remove <effect>?

NOTE:

This will consume a soft green echo eyedrop antidote.

• Trying to go to a shop you can't access:

This isn't a place you're allowed to go to right now.

• Trying to propose a trade without offering anything:

Empty offer. That's right. Empty.

• Trying to send or trade more of an item than you have:

You don't have enough of one of the items you're trying to send.

• Trying to fill the Mayo Minder™ with a type of mayo you don't have:

You fill the Minder with imaginary packets of mayo. You should buy some more of that stuff if you want to use it.

• When an equipped item has its slot changed and visiting the main page:

An item you were wearing was unequipped because its slot changed.

You acquire... something. [[Data:{{{item}}}]]

History

• At an unknown date, probably on or around the mall store management revamp on September 13, 2013, a few messages were changed. The old ones were:
  • Trying to take something out of your store that isn't there:

    That item is not in your store inventory.

  • Trying to add more of an item than you have, of an item you don't have any of, or doesn't exist to your store:

    Unable to add <#> <item plural> to your store -- you don't have <#> of them.

• Since players could also not buy things from the mall in Ronin, the message for attempting to do was removed. It was:
  • Trying to buy something from the mall while in Ronin:

    You can't buy items from other players until you've played <N> more Adventures.

References

• Not saying what you want to buy in an NPC store but trying anyway is a reference to the TV show Saturday Night Live, in which Chris Farley (as himself) would interview the celebrity guest of the night and say "Remember that time when you ______? That was awesome."
• James Spader starred in the 2002 movie Secretary, which features a similar sort of relationship.
• The message about naming your outfit is a reference to a line from the Oscar Mayer advertising jingle: "My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R."
• The store message about zero being the loneliest number references the song One by Harry Nilsson.
• "Yellow Exclamation Points!" references RPGs such as Diablo II and World of Warcraft, in which NPCs who give quests have yellow exclamation points above their heads.
• "Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union? " is a line from the Negativland song Time Zones.
• "Hey, stop that. You don't have any of those. GoldS?" refers to the player GoldS, who used a variety of URL manipulations to find unreleased items and ferret out exploits in the game's code.