Kubla Khan

Kubla Khan
Monster ID	583
Locations	The Stately Pleasure Dome
Hit Points	Scales with player stats
Attack	Scales with player stats (Max 125)
Defense	Scales with player stats
Initiative	60
Meat	None
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops	None
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Kubla Khan

Unlike his brother, Genghis, and his sister, Chaka, Kubla Khan is in the construction business. His company, SPD, Inc., can build a pleasure dome that's twice as stately as other pleasure domes, in about half the time other companies take. He honed his craft building thunderdomes, but he's gone far beyond those now. Unfortunately, he doesn't like shiftless layabouts who layabout shiftlessly while he's trying to work, and it looks like you've aroused his wrath; and as we all know, the wrath of Kubla is nothing at which to sneeze.

Hit Message(s):

He beats you like chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail. No amount of flailing on your part can stop it. Ow! Ooh!

A mighty fountain momently is forced from the ground beneath you, giving you a high-pressure, steaming-hot shower. Eek! Eek! (hot damage)

He drags you to the caves of ice beneath the sunny pleasure-dome. Brrrrr. Brrrrrrrrrrr. (cold damage)

He shows you his fast, thick pants, which seem to be breathing. Ugh. Eek! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

He takes you into a deep romantic chasm, which slants down a green hill. I won't describe what goes on there, but it's not fun. Eek! Ow! (sleaze damage)

He steps up and claps a hand over your ear. You get a massive headache as some kind of brain-worm bores its way into your cerebellum. KUUUUUUBBBBLAAAAAA KHAAAAAAAAAAAAN! Eek! Oof!

Critical Hit Message:

Kubla Khan wrathfully rips open his shirt, revealing rippling muscles and grey crepe hair. You cower before the display of obviously prosthetic muscle tone, thoroughly skeeved out. Argh! Eek! Ooh! (sleaze damage)

Miss Message(s):

He tries to beat you like chaffy grain beneath the thresher's flail, but you flail around until he stops.

A mighty fountain momently is forced from the ground beneath you, but you take the opportunity to have a nice shower.

He tries to drag you to the caves of ice beneath the sunny pleasure-dome, but you're cold to his demands.

He tries to show you his fast, thick pants, but you make a fast, quick dash for freedom.

He tries to take you into a deep romantic chasm, but you counter with chasm of the "sar" variety.

Fumble Message:

Kubla Khan wrathfully rips open his shirt, revealing rippling muscles and grey crepe hair. You're pretty intimidated until you realize all those muscles are just a pretty unconvincing prosthetic. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain some <substat>.

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Occurs at The Stately Pleasure Dome.

References

• Kublai Khan was actually the grandson of Genghis Khan. Chaka Khan is a modern R&B singer of no relation.
• The phrase "building thunderdomes" refers to the Thugnderdome which is in turn a reference to the movie Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Being beyond thunderdomes is a reference to an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 where Tom Servo and Crow try to brainstorm ways to work the pun "Can't we get beyond Thunderdome?" into a conversation.
• The normal attack messages are all based on lines from Coleridge's poem.
• The critical and fumble messages, as well as the end of the initial description, refer to the plot and title character of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. However, numerous people associated with the filming of the movie insist that Ricardo Montalbán used no physical prosthetics.