Scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil

scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil

This is a tattered scrap of paper with some evil-looking markings on it. As you glance at it, you see the markings rearrange themselves into legible characters. At least they didn't rearrange themselves into cartoon characters, because that would've been even creepier.

Type: combat item
Selling Price: 65 Meat.

Invokes Dangerous and Unpredictable Magic

(In-game plural: scrolls of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil)

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Item number: 1960
Description ID: 719422624
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Obtained From

Items

disintegrating quill pen (with an inkwell and a tattered scrap of paper in your inventory)

Familiar

Dropped after combat by an Intergnat

Skills

Just the Facts (after some combats, see this helpful tool made by Semenar.)

When Used

You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. Black tentacles emerge from the ground beneath it, and beat it soundly for 20-30 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A fire-ringed portal opens up behind it, singeing it for 20-30 damage before closing again. That portal must've lead somewhere pretty awful. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A draft of incredibly cold air blows in from nowhere, freezing him for 20-30 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. Sinister laughter echoes from the distance, the sound growing closer and louder until it overwhelms it, doing 20-30 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A cloud of sulfur coalesces around your opponent. It gags and sputters, taking 20-30 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A mass of tentacles emerge from the ground beneath him, sleazily carressing him for 20-30 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. You hear a loud whoosh as a whirling butt of darkness coalesces around your opponent. When my butt dissipates, there's nothing left of it. You double over with pain -- your brain feels like it's on fire. These things are bad for you. You lose 5−6 hit points. (hot damage) or You suddenly shudder with cold. Maybe you shouldn't be messing with all of this forbidden evil... You lose 5−6 hit points. (cold damage) or You hear a voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear. And by "sweet" I mean "horrifying," and by "nothings" I mean "secrets man was not meant to know." I'm not sure why I said sweet nothings in the first place. Anyway, these scrolls are pretty evil. You lose 5−6 hit points. (spooky damage) or You suddenly notice a horrible smell. You look around, but find that it's coming from inside your nose! These scrolls are dangerous, man. You lose 5−6 hit points. (stench damage) or Out of nowhere, a greasy tentacle appears and slaps you in a strangely lascivious manner. You should be careful with all of this evil. You lose 5−6 hit points. (sleaze damage)

Notes

• Always causes one enemy damage and one self-damage effect.
• Randomly selects an element of recoil damage.
• Elemental resistance does not reduce recoil damage.
  • However, being aligned with an element (such as taking on an elemental form) will cause recoil damage to double or be reduced to 1, as appropriate.
• Selects enemy damage based on elemental weakness:
  • Hot monsters take Stench Damage.
  • Cold monsters take Spooky Damage.
  • Spooky monsters take Hot Damage.
  • Stench monsters take Sleaze Damage.
  • Sleaze monsters take Cold Damage.
  • Monsters with no element take physical damage.
  • If the opponent is both physically-immune and a ghost, it will get the instant-death effect. This is especially helpful in dealing with the ancient protector spirit denizens of The Hidden City, as this insta-kill does not check if the opponent is a boss.
    • This is particularly amusing when combined with the Pill Power effect, as its stripping of ghosts' physical immunity means that it can make the scroll fail to work on monsters it otherwise would work on.
• Since each of the damage effects trigger on a specific elemental weakness, the elemental effects will be naturally doubled, dealing 40-60 damage.
• Using 50 of these makes you eligible for the Crossroads trophy.
• This item is a required component for summoning demons in the Summoning Chamber.
• The "butt" message previously read "You hear a loud whoosh as a whirling cloud of darkness coalesces around your opponent. When the cloud dissipates, there's nothing left of it." It appears to have somehow been a victim of the "cloud-to-butt" extension.

References

• The last part of the description refers to the concept of cartoon characters emerging from inkwells -- for instance, in the old silent cartoon series Out of the Inkwell, starring KoKo the Clown.
• The "Black tentacles emerge from the ground beneath it" message may be a reference to the Dungeons and Dragons spell Evard's Black Tentacles.
• The line "these things are bad for you" from the hot damage description is quite possibly a reference to Homestar Runner. In the Strong Bad email "invisibility", Strong Bad imagines what it would be like to be invisible, and is shown stealing several boxes of Swiss Cake rolls, then punching Homestar in the stomach as he walks by. Homestar, only seeing the stack of boxes, says "Owwwwwww... Those things are bad for you!"
• The Portal of Evil that leads Somewhere Awful in the hot damage message are references to humor websites Portal of Evil and Something Awful.
• The theme of forbidden knowledge, here referred to as "secrets man was not meant to know", was used extensively in the works of H. P. Lovecraft.
• Being sleazily caressed by tentacles is a fairly popular fantasy.

Collection

• 🥇: nooBsAucE (#1589628) - 44,812
• 🥈: Deathless Assassin (#650831) - 23,734
• 🥉: Magic2729 (#1557522) - 7,411
• #4: Mistress of the Obvious (#845708) - 6,369
• #5: Pastahead (#486552) - 3,328
• #6: Lustmord (#654039) - 3,324
• #7: Young Nastyman (#229687) - 2,533
• #8: Nikademus (#95105) - 1,188
• #9: Bricbrac_Madley (#732341) - 1,145
• #10: Kemistry (#990281) - 942

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