Edwing Abbidriel

Edwing Abbidriel
Monster ID	903
Locations	Crimbo Town Toy Factory (2009)
Hit Points	scales
Attack	scales
Defense	Scales with player stats
Initiative	Indeterminate
Meat	None
Phylum	Indeterminate
Elements	Indeterminate
Resistance	Indeterminate
Monster Parts	Indeterminate
Drops
Quest	elf resistance button
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Edwing Abbidriel

This elf is clearly off of his hobby horse. He's beyond the wall of sanity, making a fool's progress through a hidden canyon instead of taking the journey home. Clearly, years of desert solitaire have left him a voice crying in the wilderness.

Also, Hayduke lives!

Hit Message(s):

None. He never attacks.

Critical Hit Message:

not known

Miss Message(s):

He says, "I'm not the bad guy here, man. Think about it. How many kneecaps have I broken? How many has the Don?"

He says, "just hold on a second, and let me tell you what the Don's up to. You're getting played like a violin, here!"

He says, "so you're absolutely sure that the most violent, morally bankrupt group of flightless waterfowl in the Kingdom is just trying to put a smile on children's faces?"

He says, "think about it, man. The Don isn't interested in bringing joy -- he's interested in lining his feathery pockets!"

He says, "think about it, man. When has the Don ever done anything that wasn't ultimately for his profit?"

He says, "think about it, man. All The Penguin Mafia wants is for everyone to have a happy Crimbo? Does that make any kind of sense to you?"

Fumble Message:

not known

---

After Combat

Edwing falls to his knees...

Choice adventure number: 433

'

Abbidriel falls to his knees, exhausted. "You can kill me," he pants, "(though I wish you wouldn't), but you'll never kill Crimbo. Tell the Don I'll see him in Hey Deze."

"Wow," you say, "you're really serious about this, aren't you? Maybe I've been a little hasty, hoom. What's your side of the story?"

Abbidriel rolls his eyes. "Hasty? Ya think? It's going to take me a week to regrow that arm.

"Anyway," he continues, "my fellow spies and saboteurs have gathered a little intelligence about what the Don's really up to. It's not much, but here's what we figured out so far: he's got the Crimbomination chained to the wall in a cave underneath his compound. He's got penguin brainwashers working night and day to turn the Crimbomination into the world's biggest mafia enforcer. The reason why the Don raised all that meat was to build a sleigh big enough to put the Crimbomination in. On Crimbo Eve, he's going to use the same Crimbo magic that let Uncle Crimbo visit every adventurer in the Kingdom to do one massive shakedown. He'll rob every single adventurer of every last bit of meat they have, using the Crimbomination as his muscle. That's all we've been able to figure out so far."

"Funny you should say that, because -- actually, that's not funny at all," you say. "What can I do to help stop him?"

What, Indeed?

Abbidriel pulls himself up to his feet. "For starters, you can stop beating up elves. Then you can try and get through the compound into the underground cavern. Then you can fight to the Crimbomination. Then you can pray that we can get some Crimbo spirit back into him before Crimbo." Abbidriel pauses for breath, and continues, "for now, I'd be happy to just find the stool pigeon that's been feeding the Don information about the resistance. Oh, and as thanks for helping us, I'll have my elves rig the slot machines at the casino in your favor. Power to the people!"

---

Occurs at the Crimbo Town Toy Factory.

Notes

• Edwing Abbidriel does not appear to actually attack. He spends all his turns trying to convince you that he's really the good guy.

References

• This adventure references the works of Edward Abbey, author of Desert Solitaire and The Monkey Wrench Gang.