Fruit Golem

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It pelts you with a barrage of apples. Looks like an apple a day keeps the doctor in business. Ow! Oof! Ooh! Ugh!

It throws a mango at you, hitting you right in the <face>. Ouch! Oof! Eek! Argh!

It whacks you with a grapefruit, leaving a grapefruit-sized bruise on your <face>. Ow! Argh! Eek!

It smacks you with an impressive variety of fruits. It's like being attacked by some fiendish amalgam of Carmen Miranda and Chuck Norris. Oof! Ouch! Ouch!

It winds up to throw a coconut at you, but slips on a banana peel and misses. Irony!

It throws a mango at you, but you move aside and let the mango through.

It tries to hit you with a grapefruit, but misses, because a grapefruit is neither a grape nor a fruit. Either that or because you dodged.

It hits you with a barrage of grapes. They let out a little whine as they fly through the air, but don't really hurt when they hit.

It starts to attack again, but is beset upon by a swarm of fruit flies. Apparently they're attracted to his bananas -- everybody knows that time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

You acquire an item: cherry (16.5% chance)*

You acquire an item: orange (14.8% chance)*

You acquire an item: lime (15.6% chance)*

You gain 11-12 <substat>.

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Occurs at Menagerie Level 1.

References

• The second missed attack is a reference to the Soul Coughing song "Super Bon Bon," which contains the line "Move aside, and let the man go through."
• The successful hit combat message is a reference to the quote "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."
• The "barrage of grapes" miss message uses "whine" as a pun on "wine", which is made from grapes.
• "They don't call it a Fruity Golem" because "fruity" is occasionally an insult. "Internal bleeding" refers to what you would have after being physically assaulted by a Fruit Golem for calling it fruity.
• Grapefruits actually are fruits. They are called grapefruits because they grow in bunches like grapes.