Game Messages

This page is in need of content. Desperately needs many more messages and references.

Game Messages

Performing Buffs

• Trying to Buff Someone who's in Combat

That player is busy fighting a monster right now. Try again later.

• Trying to Buff Someone who's in Ronin

That player cannot currently receive buffs from other players.

• Trying to Buff Someone who's in Hardcore

That player is in Hardcore mode, and cannot receive buffs from other players.

• Trying to Buff Jick

Hi -- thanks for trying to buff me, but I don't really need it.

- Jick

• Trying to Buff Multi Czar

The Multi Czar cannot be buffed. The reason why is undoubtedly very amusing.

• Trying to Buff Mr Skullhead

Can't buff Mr. Skullhead. Your buff slides right off the skull, you see.

• Trying to Buff Devster1, Devster2, Devster3, Devster4, or Devster5

You cannot buff the Devsters.

• Trying to Buff Xenophobe

Xenophobe doesn't want your buff.

Receiving Buffs

• Getting a shell or sphere buff

<datetime> - A <buff> has been conjured around you by <player>

• Getting a song buff

<datetime> - <player> has played a song (<song>) for you.

• Getting Empathy of the Newt

<datetime> - <player> has fortified you with the Empathy of the Newt.

• Getting Tenacity of the Snapper

<datetime> - <player> has given you the Tenacity of the Snapper.

• Getting Reptilian Fortitude

<datetime> - <player> has imbued you with Reptilian Fortitude.

Campsite Closet

The "whoops" error message will report amounts of Meat up to a maximum amount of 9,223,372,036,854,776,000. Negative amounts are treated as positive. If there are more than 16 significant figures the excess will be lost. Amounts close to the maximum may not be reported reliably.

• Trying to put a blank amount of Meat into your closet

I'm going to assume you meant (amount that you have).

You put (amount that you have) Meat in your closet.

• Trying to put an invalid amount of Meat into your closet

I'm going to assume you meant (amount that you have).

Whoops, you don't have (however much you tried to put) Meat in your inventory to transfer.

• Trying to take an invalid amount of Meat from your closet

I'm going to assume you meant (amount of meat in your closet).

You take (amount of meat in your closet) Meat out of your closet.

Individual

• Adding Yourself as a Friend

It's good to like yourself, but putting yourself on your contact list is kind of Narcissistic, don't you think?

• Baleeting Yourself

You can't ignore yourself, no matter how hard you try.

• Trading with Yourself

You juggle some of your items and Meat for a minute -- now you don't need to arrange an elaborate trade with yourself!

• PvPing Yourself

You know, once you start hurting yourself, you won't be able to stop, and you'll end up working for James Spader as a secretary, and constantly letting him spank you. Let's not start down that road.

• Not Donating Enough Meat at The Dungeoneers' Association

That's not enough Meat to make a proper offering.

• Sending Yourself A Gift

There's no point in sending a package to yourself, given that, y'know, you'll already know what's inside it.

• Trying To Change Your Name Under "Change Capitalization"

You can only change the capitalization, not the name.

• Changing Your Time Zone

Time zone updated. Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union?

Inventory

• Using an Item You Don't Have

You don't have the item you're trying to use.

• Using a Familiar Hatchling You Don't Have

You don't have the item you're trying to use. Cheater.

• Zapping an Item You Don't Have

You don't have the item you're trying to zap.

• Saving a Custom Outfit Without Specifying A Name

Your outfit must have a first name. Whether it's O S C A R or not is your business.

• Trying to put on a custom outfit without enough of an item

Unable to equip "{outfit name}", insufficient {plural item name} in inventory! ({#} needed, {#} found.)

• Pressing "Dress Up!" without first selecting an outfit

Invalid outfit selected.

• Donning a custom outfit with a shirt without Torso Awareness

One of those items is impossible for you to equip.

• Unequipping an Item that Increases Song Capacity

<Song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. Stupid earworms.

<Song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. Strange.

<Song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. That's odd...

<Song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. Interesting.

<Song> doesn't appear to be stuck in your head any more. It gets replaced with the Macarena. Damn it.

• Unequipping a type of equipment you are not wearing

You don't seem to have anything in that slot.

• Trying to autosell an item you don't have or can't be sold

You don't actually own any of the items you want to sell.

Right-Click Menu

• Trying to put an item in your DC when you don't have one

You don't have a collection.

• Stocking an item into your Mall Store

<item> put up for sale for <999,999,999 or price in your mall> Meat.

• Trying to put on a shirt when you don't have enough stats

You're not sexy enough for this shirt.

You must have at least <amount> base <stat> to equip that item.

• Adding an item to your favorites list

You are now showing favoritism towards your <Item>.

• Removing an item from your favorites list

You have shown your disdain for your <item>.

Skills

• Buffing Yourself or Someone Else Without Enough MP

You don't have enough Mojo Points to use that skill that many times.

• Using a Skill You Have Not Learned

You don't have that skill.

• Using a Skill Without Selecting One

No such skill.

• Attempting to Cast Flavour of Magic Directly (via remote form submission)

That doesn't make any sense. Also, congratulations for wasting MP.

Clan

• Attempting to Put Less Than One Meat or Text in Your Clan Coffers

Don't be a jackass.

• Attempting to Put Letters in Your Clan Stash

The 31337 h4X0r smiles on you for your gallant try. You gain 1 Eliteness. Too bad nobody's counting.

• Attempting To Create A Clan With No Name Or Credo

How can you form a clan with no credo? Don't you stand for anything?

• Attempting To Post A Blank Message

Don't post messages with no content, or Mr. Gerf will come out of your closet and eat you.

• Attempting To Post A Blank Thread

You can't post without something to say! This isn't network television, y'know.

• Attempting To Post A Blank Clan Announcement

Don't post blank announcements. It makes Baby Mr. Gerf cry.

• Attempting to Apply to Your Current Clan

You can't apply to a clan you're already in. They might decline your application by mistake, and then you'd all feel awkward at your next clan function.

• Attempting to Work Out in the Clan Gym for Less Than One Adventure

You don't have a time machine.

• Transferring Leadership (successful)

Leadership of clan transferred. A leader is no longer you.

• Trying to Add an Item to the Hoard Without Selecting an Item

You did not select any items to add to the Hoard.

• Trying to Take Nothing from the Hoard

That doesn't make sense.

• Trying to Withdraw a zero-karma item without the ability to do so

You cannot take zero karma items from the stash.

• Trying to add something to the stash that you cannot add (e.g., quest item, or you don't have it)

You didn't actually have any of the items you selected. Tsk, tsk.

• Trying to rest on A Comfy Sofa in a clan that doesn't have a sofa

You try to rest on the sofa, but there's no sofa there, so you just fall onto the floor and hurt your head.

You lose 5 hit points.

• Trying to visit Hobopolis Town Square in a clan without a basement

Uh Oh!

You don't have access to Hobopolis.

NPC Stores

• Attempting to Buy an Item from an NPC Store Without Actually Specifying What You Want to Buy

Remember that time when you tried to buy something without actually specifying what you wanted to buy? That was awesome.

• Attempting to Buy an Item from an NPC store For Values of Zero or Less

That isn't a reasonable number in this context. Thanks for trying, though.

• Attempting to Buy an Item from an NPC store When the Item is not Stocked by that Store

This store doesn't sell that item. Cheater.

The Mall

• Attempting to buy an item without selecting an item

No item was selected, Mr. "I Don't Have to Select an Item."

• Managing your store when you have no items to sell

You have no sellable items in your inventory. They say that one is the loneliest number you'll ever do, but, actually, it's zero.

• Attempting to put a non-eligible item (or item you don't have) in the mall

None of the items you selected were eligible for sale in the mall. Tsk tsk.

• Attempting to search for "your mom" in the mall

No, your mom is the one for sale.

• Before level nine (message visiting mall)

You must be at least level 9 to buy a store in the Mall.

• Trying to buy a store under level 9

You must be level 9 or above to buy a store.

• Add a store to your favorites

Store added to favorites list.

• Trying to add a store to your favorites more than once

You can't super-double-mega-mark-as-favorite that store. You already have it as a favorite.

• Remove a store from your favorites (even if not on favorites)

Store removed from favorites list.

• Trying to buy a shop with an existing name

That name is already taken.

• Trying to buy a shop without enough meat

You can't afford a store.

• Successfully buying a shop

Store purchased.

• Trying to take stuff out of your store while in ronin

You may not take items out of your store inventory while you are in Ronin.

• Trying to buy something from the mall while in ronin

You can't buy items from other players until you've played <N> more Adventures.

• Trying to take stuff out of your store while in hardcore

You may not take items out of your store inventory while you are in Hardcore mode.

• Trying to sell a store that's not empty

You can't sell a store while it still has an inventory.

• Trying to sell your store while in hardcore

You may not sell your store while you are in Hardcore mode.

• Trying to sell your store when you don't have one

You don't have a store to sell.

• Successfully selling your store

You sold your store.

• Trying to take something out of your store that isn't there

That item is not in your store inventory.

• Trying to buy a store when you already have one

You've already got a store.

• Trying to hire a non-existent shopkeeper

That's not a valid shopkeeper.

• Trying to use a blank shopkeeper name or a name over 60 characters

Your shopkeeper's name is too long, or not long enough. Just think of the embarassment at roll call.

• Hiring a new shopkeeper

New shopkeeper hired.

Doc Galaktik

• Requesting a negative or non-numeric amount of Curative Nostrum

You don't require that much healing, my friend!

• Requesting a negative or non-numeric amount of Fizzy Invigorating Tonic

You don't require any invigoration, my friend!

• Attempting to purchase a negative or non-numeric quantity of an item

That doesn't make any sense, my friend!

Trophy Hut

• Trying to buy a trophy not available to you (including non-existent)

You don't meet the requirements for that trophy.

• Trying to buy a trophy without selecting one

You can pick your nose, and you can pick your friends, but if you don't pick a trophy, I can't give you one.

• Trying to buy a trophy without enough Meat

You can't afford to have a trophy installed.

Traveling Trader

• Attempting to trade with the Traveling Trader for an item he doesn't have or not picking an item to trade

The trader is not trading for that item.

• Attempting to trade for zero of an item

You can't trade for that many <item plural>.

• Attempting to trade for a negative amount of an item (trade works as if the amount was positive)

You make a trade with the mysterious trader.

• Attempting to trade for more than you can pay for

You don't have enough twinkly wads to trade for that many <item plural>.

Adventuring

• Going to a place that you can't go anymore (generic)

You shouldn't be here.

• Going on The Road to the White Citadel after finding The White Citadel

You've already found the Citadel.

• Going to The Spectral Pickle Factory after it's left

The Factory has faded back into the spectral mists, and eldritch vapors and such.

• Trying to mine after you've taken off the outfit

You can't mine without the proper equipment.

• Trying to adventure in a drunken stupor while sober

You can't adventure in a stupor unless you're actually in a stupor. Which you aren't.

• Trying to adventure in an invalid time period (Crimboween)

No way, yo.

• Going to Fernswarthy's basement while beaten up

You're too beaten up to accomplish anything in the basement. Unless bleeding counts as an accomplishment.

• Trying to adventure in McMillicancuddy's Farm (Post-War) after killing the available 5, 10, or 15 ducks that day

You wander around the farm for a while, but can't find any additional ducks to fight. Maybe some more will come out of hiding by tomorrow.

• Visiting the Mysterious Island Arena after defeating BOTH armies during the Mysterious Island Quest

The stage at the Mysterious Island Arena is empty.

• Clicking a (non-battle) link during a battle

You twiddle your thumbs.

• Attempting to adventure while at zero HP

You're way to beaten up to adventure here. Go rest at your campsite first.

• Getting HP reduced to zero during combat

You lose. You slink away, dejected and defeated.

• Trying to go to the mirror-shard step of the chamber without first passing the doors

Invalid step.

• Trying to view the Wine Cellar Glyphs without Lord Spookyraven's spectacles

There's nothing interesting to look at here.

• Trying to funksling two combat items without that skill

That request doesn't make any sense.

Cooking

• Attempting to cook a specific number of dishes without a chef-in-the-box or enough adventures (even if recipe would not work)

You don't have that many adventures left. It takes time to cook stuff, man.

• Attempting to "make as many as possible" with no chef-in-the-box, or any adventures left (even if recipe would not work)

That's not a number that makes any sense in this context.

• Attempting to cook together two things that don't make a food item

Those two items don't combine to make anything tasty.

• Attempting to cook more than you have (even if recipe would not work)

You don't have enough of one of the ingredients for that dish.

• Attempting to cook an item with itself (even if the recipe would not work)

You don't have enough of those.

Drink Mixing

• Attempting to mix together two items that don't make a drink

Those two items don't combine to make a refreshing cocktail.

• Attempting to mix an item with itself (even if the recipe would not work)

You don't have enough of those.

• Attempting to mix with no adventures left for the day

You don't have that many adventures left. It takes time to make a good cocktail, man.

Meat Pasting

• Attempting to create an invalid number of meat pastes when you have none

That doesn't make any sense, pardner. Neither does the fact that I just called you "pardner."

• Attempting to make more of an item than you have parts or paste (even if the combo would not work)

You don't have enough of one of the necessary items to make that combination.

• Attempting to combine an item with itself (even if the combo would not work)

You've only got one of those.

• Attempting to combine a pair of items that don't make anything

Those two items don't combine to make anything interesting.

• Successful pasting

The meat paste fuses your items together.

{item image} You acquire an item: {item name}

Jewelrycrafting

• Attempting to ply a pair of items that don't make anything

Those two items don't combine to make a piece of jewelry.

• Attempting to ply more items than you have (even if the combo would not work)

You don't have enough of the goods to make jewelry that good!

• Attempting to ply with fewer than three Adventures left

You don't have enough adventures left. It takes time to make jewelry, man.

Using Items Wrongly

• Attempting to use the time sleigh to go somewhere other than a preset

Invalid setting. There are only three options, jeez.

• Attempting to use disintegrating sheet music on an invalid player

That player could not be found. Confound it.

• Trying to unequip familiar equipment that is not equipped to that familiar or
• Trying to unequip familiar equipment from a familiar you do not have

You either don't have a familiar of that type, or the familiar you selected isn't actually using any equipment right now. Hooray for vague error messages!

• Trying to equip familiar equipment that you do not have or
• Trying to equip a familiar with something besides familiar equipment or
• Trying to equip a familiar that you do not have

You either don't have the item you selected, or the item you selected isn't familiar equipment. Hooray for vague error messages!

• Trying to equip an outfit that doesn't exist

That set isn't implemented yet.

• Attempting to use a custom outfit that contains an item not usable in hardcore while in hardcore

This outfit contains an item which is not equippable in hardcore. Nice try, though.

• Trying to eat a non-food item

That's not something you can eat.

• Trying to drink a non-drunkenness item

That's not booze.

• Using something that is not usable

This item is not implemented yet. Try again later.

• Trying to pulverize quest equipment or other important equipment

That's too important to pulverize.

• Trying to pulverize something else not smashable

That's not something you can pulverize.

• Trying to use a Yeti Protest Sign with no adventures left

You don't have time to protest.

• Trying to remove an effect you don't have with a soft green echo eyedrop antidote

You don't have that effect. Are you trying to rip a hole in the space-effect continuum?

• Trying to give one of the Devsters a candy heart

Thank you for the attempt to curse a devster. Your request will be handled in the order in which it was received. Or not at all.

• Trying to feed a familiar an item you don't have

Hey, stop that. You don't have any of those. GoldS?

Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar

• Clicking the "Pour" button without selecting a wine in the Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar

Pick a bottle, pardner.

• Trying to pour something other than the expected six bottles of wine in Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar

That's not something you can pour into a goblet. Well, not into this goblet, at least.

• Trying to pour wine in Spookyraven Manor Wine Cellar after opening the chamber

What?

• Trying to look at the goblet after opening the Summoning Chamber

Nothing more to see here.

The Bounty Hunter Hunter

• Clicking one of the bounty selections when you have already finished a bounty that day

You've already collected a bounty today.

• Clicking one of the bounty selections while already assigned a bounty

You've already got a bounty. You'll have to give up on it if you want to take another one.

• Trying to buy something without enough lucre

You don't have enough filthy lucre to make that purchase.

• Trying to buy something off-menu

The Bounty Hunter Hunter doesn't sell that item.

The Crackpot Mystic's Shed

• Clicking one of the response buttons when you have already been given the continuum transfunctioner

The crackpot looks at you strangely. Eh? What? Huh?

Hagnk's Ancestral Mini-Storage

• Visiting Hagnk's when you have no items there

Hagnk doesn't have any of your stuff.

• Visiting Hagnk's when you have no Meat there

Hagnk doesn't have any of your meat.

• Taking all your stuff out of Hagnk's

Hagnk leans back and yells something ugnigntelligible to a group of Knob Goblin teegnage delignquegnts, who go and grab all of your stuff from storage and bring it to you.

• Trying to take all from Hagnk's when you have nothing there

Hagnk doesn't have any of your stuff.

• Trying to take all from Hagnk's when you are in ronin or hardcore

The 31337 H4X0r smiles upon you. You gain 3 Eliteness. Too bad nobody's counting.

• Trying to pull a non-free pull item for free

You can't pull that item for free. Nice try, though.

Guild Hall

• Trying to train for a non-existent skill

Invalid skill selected.

• Trying to train for a skill you already have

You've already got that skill.

• Trying to access The Malus of Forethought in a non-muscle class

Not here.

• Trying to access The Wok of Ages in a non-myst class

What wok are you tokking about?

• Trying to access Nash Crosby's Still in a non-moxie class

There's still no still here, so be still.

• Trying to make a chefstaff from a staff you don't have

Feeling pretty sneaky, eh? Rodoric doesn't fall for your staff-not-having ways! He whips out his staff (bigger than yours) and beats you (not very) soundly.

You acquire an effect: Beaten Up (duration: 1 Adventure)

Other

• Trying to smash an item that is not smashable

Naughty, Naughty.

• Clicking on an automatic System Message in chat

You clicked on a System Message. System Messages are messages that The System sends out into the chat when it has something very important to say.

• Trying to go to various places after entering the gash

You are currently in a non-corporeal state, and cannot interact with the real Kingdom.

• Trying to set The Super-Secret Canadian Mind-Control Device, The Annoy-o-Tron 5000, or detuned radio to a value outside of their normal ranges.

Invalid dial setting. You invalid dial setter, you. Hey, we just got a new dog! It's an Invalid Dial Setter!

• Trying to use negative, zero, or non-numeric adventures at The Institute for Canadian Studies

That doesn't make any sense, you hoser.

• Trying to take out or put in non-existent items from or into the closet

The 31337 H4X0r smiles upon you. You gain 1 Eliteness. Too bad nobody's counting.

• Reaching the bottom of The Daily Dungeon

You have reached the bottom of today's Dungeon. Come back tomorrow for further adventuring goodness.

• Trying to buy items from certain stores that they don't have.

We don't sell that item. Cheater.

• Trying to adventure in a combat zone after having banished every monster

Couldn't find an appropriate monster in the zone. Exiting.

• Trying to climb the rickety stairs after finding the secret stairs

Huh.

• Trying to delete a combat macro without clicking the confirmation box.

You must click the box to confirm your intent to destroy your lovingly hand-crafted artisan macro.

• Clicking on a tab in the account menu that does not exist.

You managed to click a non-existant tab. Go You!

Yellow Exclamation Points!

Upon logging in one of the following messages will be displayed hinting as for what to do next:

• Prior to visiting the Toot Oriole

Welcome to the Kingdom of Loathing!

You should go see the Toot Oriole, on Mt. Noob in The Big Mountains.

• When a quest is available at The Council of Loathing

You should go see the Council of Loathing in Seaside Town.

• When a quest is available at the The Brotherhood of the Smackdown

You should go talk to the people in Brotherhood of the Smackdown, on the Right Side of the Tracks.

• When a quest is available at The League of Chef-Magi

You should go talk to the people in League of Chef-Magi, on the Right Side of the Tracks.

• When a quest is available at The Department of Shadowy Arts and Crafts

You should go talk to the people in Department of Shadowy Arts and Craft, on the Wrong Side of the Tracks.

• With a quest unfinished in the Quest Log

There's some unfinished business in your Quest Log.

In addition, players can create a one-line reminder from their Quest Log Notes, by prefixing the text with "reminder:". It will then appear on login as:

Reminder: <text>

Bad Logins

• Bad logout of some sort

You did not properly log out last time you logged in. You will have to wait a minute (Literally, like, one minute. Sixty seconds.) before you can log in again.

• Logging too soon after a failure, or logging out and in frequently

Too many login attempts in too short a span of time. Please wait five minutes and try again.

• Trying to login with a old cached page

Invalid challenge.

The Hidden City

• Attempting to put something in the altars after you have put in the correct sphere

No way, José.

Island War

• Trying to turn in more of an item than you have (either side)

You don't have that many of that item.

• Trying to turn in an item not accepted at the camp (either side)

Bad request (item not in turnin set)

• Trying to spend more dimes than you have

"You don't have enough dimes on file for that, man."

• Trying to spend more quarters than you have

"You don't have enough quarters on file for that, bra."

History

• Looking at "older announcements" before there are any for the year:

No old announcements were found for this year. How sad.

References

• Not saying what you want to buy in an NPC store but trying anyway is a reference to SNL, where Chris Farley (as himself) would interview the celebrity guest of the night and say "Remember that time when you ______? That was awesome."
• James Spader starred in the 2002 movie Secretary, which features a similar sort of relationship.
• The message about naming your outfit is a reference to the "Oscar Mayer Bologna Song" advertising jingle: "My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R."
• The store message about zero being the loneliest number references the song "One" by Harry Nilsson.
• "Yellow Exclamation Points!" references RPGs such as Diablo II and World of Warcraft, where NPCs who give quests have yellow exclamation points above their heads.
• "Do you know how many time zones there are in the Soviet Union" is from the Negativland song "Time Zones". See Eleven.
• "Hey, stop that. You don't have any of those. GoldS?" refers to the player GoldS, who used a variety of URL manipulations to find unreleased items and ferret out exploits in the game's code.