Getting Clubbed

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Getting Clubbed

As you're making your way through the myriad alleys of the Purple Light District, you abruptly bump into a sleazy-looking hobo, clearly in a hurry to get somewhere. You ricochet off of him into a different, equally sleazy and equally hurried hobo, and from that one into a different one, until you're being carried along by a mob of hobos, all heading toward the same place.

That place, as it turns out, is VGBND, the Purple Light District's most popular nightclub. You manage to extricate yourself from the mob and survey the situation. There is a crowd of <hundreds> of hobos lined up outside the front door, all waiting to get in.

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Try to get inside

Try as you might, you just can't get through the throng to the door of the club. Sullen, you wander back the way you came.

• If the crowd has also been bamboozled and flimflammed:

You manage to fight your way through the crowd and get into the club.

Exclusive!
	Pick a fight: Fight a Sleaze Hobo Pick several fights: Start a large fight. Pick your nose: Gain <= 1000 Fortitude, Wizardliness & Cheek

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Try to bamboozle the crowd

You walk up to a few of the hobos at the front of the line. "I don't reckon you're planning on cutting into the line, if you know what I mean," a sleazy hobo says.

"Yeah, you can't just get in front of me, and that's what she said!" says another.

"Oh, don't worry, my brothers," you say, putting on an overly broad smile. "I assure you that I have no desire to go into that den of sin and iniquity. I don't have that empty hole in my life that needs to be filled!"

"Heh heh heh."

You ignore the sleazy snickering and continue your act. "Yes, brothers, I'm sure you've felt that feeling of unfulfillment, of emptiness, of boredom and depression. But I have come to bring you good news!"

"It's one of those blasted morality-peddlin' do-gooders! He's trying to get us to do somethin' *gulp* wholesome! Let's get out of here!"

The sleazy hobos vacate the line, and you snicker to yourself at the thought that anyone could mistake you for wholesome. You're not even halfsome.

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Try to flimflam the crowd

You walk up to a group of hobos standing outside the club. They don't seem to be very happy with the wait to get in.

"C'mon, let us inside already! We just want to be inside, if you know what I mean!" a hobo says. "Yeah, I never thought it would be this hard! That's what she said!" another hobo agrees.

"Trust me, guys, you don't want to come in here," you say.

"Heh heh heh."

"Right. See, the ladies in there are too high-and-mighty. They're harder to open than a locked safe, and harder to ride than an express train."

"I'm not sure I follow you, there --"

"They're not going to want to have sexual intercourse with you."

"Oh. Well, why didn't you just say so?"

You sigh deeply and continue. "Listen, the place to go is the Hobo Burial Ground. There are hundreds of hobo goth girls there who are just waiting to be swept off their feet."

"You forgot to say, 'if you know what I mean.'"

"I was pretty sure you knew what I meant. Think about it, though -- black eyeliner, black-and-blue hair, legs deep in the boots, boots all up on the heels, the kind to make a certian kind of fetishist squeal... you're much better off with the goth girls than the girls in the club. Besides," you say, having caught a whiff of the hobo's eau de garbage, "the worse you smell, the more they dig you."

"That does sound pretty good. A little how's-your-great-great-grandfather in the cemetery!" The hobos start to amble in the direction of the hobo burial ground, keeping up a steady stream of innuendo as they go. The last thing you hear is:

"I mean, you know what they say about rigor mortis..."

Thankfully, they're out of earshot before you hear the punchline.

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Occurs in The Purple Light District.

Notes

• This adventure can only be obtained by boosting Combat Frequency.
• VGBND is Vagabond with the vowels removed.

References

• Flimflamming the crowd results in direct lyrical references to the song "Goth Girls" by MC Frontalot.