Government bureaucrat

Government bureaucrat
Monster ID	2095
Locations	When wearing an "I Voted!" sticker
Hit Points	75% of its Defense
Attack	Player's Moxie + 1 (cap at 1 000)
Defense	Player's Muscle + 1 (cap at 1 000)
Initiative	0
Meat	40-60
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm,body,head,leg
Drops	absentee voter ballot, government requisition form
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a government bureaucrat

This government dude is ordering you to stand up straight, tuck in your shirt, and get a haircut. He is also basically ordering you to punch him in the face, although not in actual words.

or

This government agent seems really intent on extracting some of your spinal fluid with a big syringe, and is authorized to not take no for an answer.

Hit Message(s):

He staples your <giblets> to your <giblets>. Inconvenient. Ugh! Ow! Ugh! Argh!

He smacks you in the <giblets> with his clipboard, then fines you for damage to his clipboard. Argh! Eek! Ooh! Argh!

He files a large stack of paperwork on the top of your head, and requisitions you a concussion. Oof! Ouch! Ooh! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

He looks you up in the organ donors database, makes a check on his clipboard, and takes out one of your kidneys. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ouch! Ouch! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He starts to punch you, but when you ask him if his fist has been notarized he doesn't know what to do.

He tries to hit you with a large stack of paperwork, but you've gone paper-free.

He starts to hit you with his clipboard, but you show him your Being Hit (Clipboard) exemption form.

Fumble Message:

He has to fill out some paperwork before he can attack you. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 40-60 Meat. (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)*

You acquire an item: government requisition form (% chance)*

You acquire an item: absentee voter ballot (% chance)*

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Occurs at any location while wearing an "I Voted!" sticker.