Haiku combat

This page is in need of content. Bare-bones layout, needs so many messages. Hey guys please add some. Organization Would be very convenient I'm way too lazy

The Haiku Dungeon,
unlike other areas,
is all in Haiku.

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Gaining Initiative

You leap at your foe, throwing caution to the wind, and get the first strike.

You jump at your foe, and strike before <it>'s ready. Nice and sportsmanlike.

Before <it> sees you, you're already attacking. You're sneaky like that.

Successfully Pickpocketing an item

You acquire something at a serious discount with your deft fingers.

Failing to Pickpocket an item (maybe other skills as well?)

Y'know that... uh... thing? That thing you just tried to do? Well, it didn't work.

Your attempt failed. If at first you don't succeed, maybe just give up?

Weapon Attack messages

• Successful hit:

Curiosity dealt X damage to the cat. Like you to your foe.

Frogs avert their eyes as you strike for X damage sissy little frogs.

Justice comes swiftly courtesy of your weapon you do X damage.

You do X damage like a peaceful summer rain that does X damage.

You deal X damage with a thrust of your weapon. Nearby, a loon honks.

XXX damage as the stars wheel overhead monster vertigo.

A tricky riddle: who did XXX damage? The answer: you, stud!

Like cherry blossoms your blows rain down on your foe. XXX damage.

Question this answer: Just did XXX damage. You? (suck it, Trebek!)

You're the bus driver so you take your foe to school: XXX damage.

Your brutal attack deals XXXX damage to your hapless foe.

A sweet summer breeze Wafts around you as you strike XXXX times.

Flocks of cranes in flight fleeing the scene where you caused pain beyond measure.

Autumn leaves falling sound nothing like your weapon as it smacks your foe.

Wow, did you see that? Did you count the damage done? Well, neither did I.

Learn self-reliance calculate your own damage math is hard, young one.

Ripples in a pond a flowing crimson river blood drips from your foe.

• Critical hitting:

That was quite a hit! True, palpable, CRITICAL! (Constructively so.)

• Weapon fumble (followed by damage message):

A gentle spring breeze is wafted by your weapon as it hits the floor.

Hey, pay attention! What just got the drop on you? Oh. Your weapon did.

Winter icicles easily slip through your grasp much like your weapon.

• Player damage message:

Birds can fly away avoiding XX damage. You are not a bird.

The cherry blossoms are as pink as your hit points, X of which you lose.

Skill messages

• Uncastable skill (try to cast no skill, at least):

This is frustrating -- you can't use that skill right now. You kick a pebble.

• Generic damage skill:

By using a skill, you deal a lot of damage. How much? A whole bunch.

Combat item messages

• Nondamage effect item:

Leaping to action, you do some stuff with a thing. It's a lot of fun.

You use an item to some inscrutable end. Hope that worked for you.

Passive Damage dealt

I don't hear so well. Did your foe ask for more pain? I'll assume they did.

HP change

When XX hit points are restored to your body, you make an "ahhhhhhhh" sound.

You're feeling better -- XXX hit points better -- than you were before.

The blood flows like wine -- XX points' worth of wine -- from your many wounds.

MP gain

XX magic points fall upon you like spring rain. Mana from heaven.

Like that wimp Dexter, you have become ENERGIZED, with XX MP.

XXX MP. Like that sports drink commercial -- is it in you? Yes.

Spring rain falls within metaphorically, I mean. XXX mp.

Familiar messages

• Meat-finding:

Your familiar grins smiles are lousy umbrellas but good for the soul.

Your familiar winks, making you feel wealthier. The Meat helps, too.

You wish you had Meat. Your familiar blinks one eye. Oo, wish for ponies.

Your familiar winks Meat don't grow on trees, you know it's there on the ground.

When the dust settles your familiar blinks at you but forgets one eye.

• Item-finding:

Your comrade dances, helping you find stuff... somehow? We don't make the rules.

After the battle, your familiar dances 'round, helping you find stuff.

Lotus blossoms bloom Your familiar busts a move. Hey, look, items!

Like a bumblebee your familiar does a dance pointing out more loot.

Dancing familiar looks ridiculous, it's true but you find more stuff.

• • Toast earning

Cranes frozen in flight time seems to stand still for you As you spy a toast.

Hey, look, it's a toast! Just like grandma used to make. Gaffle it right now.

• Attack:

Wind through the bamboo From the punches your pet throws doing X damage.

Your little buddy deals X damage to your foe. Friendship is awesome.

Your girlfriend was wrong: your familiar swiftly strikes Size doesn't matter.

Generous buddy shares XX blows with your foe. How magnanimous!

You can't bear too look as your pet leaps in the fray. You hear XX SMACKS.

Oblivious frogs don't see your familiar hit for XX damage.

Placid, tranquil pond Contrasts starkly with your pet, which hits XX times.

Sometimes love can hurt your pet clearly loves your foe XX different ways.

You abhor vi'lence but your buddy disagrees striking XX times.

Your familiar hits, inflicting XX damage. Nice work, little guy!

Lotus blossoms bloom your pet hits XXX times handy little guy.

Your little buddy inflicts XXX damage Friendship is awesome.

Before you can blink Your familiar swiftly throws XXX punches.

Stars in the night sky too many to be counted like your pet's attack.

• Generic:

Aw, that was so cute! I wish you had just seen what your buddy just did.

Mysterious friend what did your familiar do? Meditate on that.

While you're not looking, your familiar does something. Wonder what it was.

Your familiar acts, but you don't see what it does. I'm sure it was cute.

Your familiar strikes just like a tiny ninja (you missed what it did).

• Gain weight:

From that vicious fight your familiar gains a pound. Vi'lence is its food.

Your little buddy is now slightly less little, having gained a pound.

Your pet's gaining weight best that you not mention it for its self-esteem.

Your pet gains a pound perhaps you should say something: "lay off the twinkies."

Enemy messages

• Generic hurt message? (from CLEESH'd frog):

The cherry blossoms are as pink as your hit points, 1 of which you lose.

• Generic miss message? (from frog):

Your foe misses you like your mother, wondering "Why doesn't he write?"

Your foe's last attack was like spitting in the sea: ineffectual.

It lunges at you, but ah, Zeno's paradox. It never makes it.

A gentle zephyr caresses your tranquil face, from your foe's missed blow.

• Monster stun message:

The monster is stunned by your panache, your good looks, and some other thing.

End of battle messages

Winning the fight

With your final blow, you deliver the smackdown. Sweet, sweet victory.

You're victorious, so your name must be Victor. To you go the spoils.

Your foe hits the floor like a bag full of wet sand. It looks like you've won!

You did your best, friend. Losers whine about their best but you're no loser!

Know what time it is? Time for a victory dance! A winner is you!

Your foe hits the floor like a bag full of wet sand. It looks like you've won!

Getting Meat

If meat grows on trees, then it must be autumn now: you gain XX meat.

You find XX Meat just lying there on the ground. Wow! What are the odds!?

You find XX Meat, and decide you will keep it. Capitalism!

The harvest moon glows you can see XXX Meat ripe for the picking.

On the nearby ground you can see XXX Meat. Score! You pick it up.

XXXX Meat lies on the ground before you. Sweet! You pocket it.

XXXX Meat does not grow on trees, you know. It lies on the ground.

End-of-battle substats

• Gaining Muscle substats:

Biceps, triceps, abs, combat's quite a workout, huh? You gain X muscle.

You work up a sweat, gain X muscle from the fight. Sweet! Now go shower.

Gentle reeds must bend but you're mightier than that. You gain X muscle.

You're feeling stronger, having gained X Beefiness. Mighty mighty you.

XX muscle gained. You flex your brawny biceps. Time for the gun show.

• Gaining Mysticality substats:

Nothing up your sleeve X magic in your brainpan. Abracadabra.

Delicious magic Your hungry brain scarfs it down. Yum! It tastes like X!

Stars wheel above you. Ancient wisdom fills your brain. You gain X magic!

You gain X magic. Pull a rabbit from a hat? Nah, that's too cliche.

• Gaining Moxie substats:

Extend both thumbs. Who just got X more Moxie? You assert: this guy!

Tranquil zen gardens look uptight next to your cool you get X more Smarm.

Like a winter breeze, keeping your cool in battle, you gain X Chutzpah.

A refreshing pond Is still not as cool as you you gain X Moxie.

You're as smooth as silk, as cool as a popsicle. Your Moxie went up!

Blazing autumn leaves are not as awesome as you. Gain X moxie.

Item drop

By a lotus plant You see a nifty XX. You grab it and go.

A XXXX is now yours for the taking. As such, you take it.

You find an item. A XXXX, in fact. A looter is you!

XXXXX was once your foe's, is now yours. Beaters-up, keepers.

Near you on the ground is a XXXXX. You hork it and jet.

Other

• Twiddling:

You twiddle your thumbs. It's not very productive, but it's kinda fun.

Notes

• Some weapon attack messages don't give the exact damage.
• "102" is pronounced as "one hundred two" for the purpose of syllable count (for example).
• As of yet, Temporary Blindness doesn't interact correctly with the Dungeon (the messages are either not Haiku'd or reveal the monster's identity).

References

• Zeno's paradoxes are ancient Greek proofs of the impossibility of motion.