Mer-kin teacher

Mer-kin teacher
Monster ID	838
Locations	Mer-kin Elementary School
Hit Points	700
Attack	600
Defense	700
Initiative	50
Meat	40-60
Phylum	mer-kin
Elements	None
Resistance	?
Monster Parts	arm, head, tail, torso
Drops	Mer-kin lipstick, Mer-kin bunwig, Mer-kin hallpass, Folder (catfish)
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a Mer-kin teacher

This Mer-kin is in charge of training young acolytes in the cult of the Ancient Elder God of Hate. Not only is dark sarcasm encouraged in her classroom, it's actually a big part of the final exam.

Hit Message(s):

She pulls out a pretty hate machine and beats you with it. Aesthetics notwithstanding, it hurts. Eek! Eek! Ow! Ouch! Ugh!

She says you can't have any pudding since you don't eat your meat, and then smacks you with a cane. Eek! Ouch! Argh! Ugh! Ouch!

She hits you with her cane, sugar. Ow! Ugh! Ouch! Ow! Ouch!

She makes you recite a poem from memory, and thwacks your knuckles when you miss a line. Oof! Ugh! Argh! Eek! Ooh!

Critical Hit Message:

She smacks you in the <shins> with her cane, then drags her fingernails down a nearby chalkboard. Ow, your <shins>! Ow, your ears! Ow! Ooh! Ouch! Oof! Argh!

Miss Message(s):

She tries to beat you with her pretty hate machine, but you swim a downward spiral away from her.

She tries to hit you with her cane, but she cane't.

She tries to cane you, but you say, "what am I, a rattan chair?"

She tries to make you recite a poem, but you give up when you can't remember what the man from Nantucket did.

Fumble Message:

She threatens to make you stay after class and clean the erasers. You point out that you're underwater. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain 40-60 Meat (average: 50, stdev: 4.47)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin bunwig (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin lipstick (25% chance)*

You acquire an item: Mer-kin hallpass (5% chance)*

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Occurs at Mer-kin Elementary School.

Notes

• She is resistant to multi-round stunning.
• This monster has a soft damage cap that kicks in if your attack would do more than 500 damage. The actual damage done in that case is (X-500)^.75 + 500, where X is the damage your attack would have done without the cap.

References

• The description and combat messages contain references to Pink Floyd's song "Another Brick in the Wall".
• "Pretty Hate Machine" and "The Downward Spiral", mentioned in a hit and miss message, are albums by Nine Inch Nails.