Pencil golem

It pummels you, sobbing "I always wanted to be the number 1 pencil. But no..." Eek! Ooh! Ow!

He stabs you in the foot. If pencils had lead in them, you'd get lead poisoning. As it is, it's only graphite poisoning. Ugh! Ouch! Ow!

It blows a bunch of pencil shavings in your face. It tastes kind of like breakfast cereal, and really stings when it gets in your eyes. Argh! Ooh!

It pencils itself a memo about kicking your ass, then kicks your ass. Handy! Ooh! Ouch!

It beats an erratic tattoo on the walls around you which sounds suspiciously like morse code. Suddenly, thousands of pencils fall from the ceiling. It's like an impossible dream! Only, unlike in dreams, it really hurts. Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

It pokes you right in the <forehead>. Thankfully, it's a number 3 pencil, and the lead is nice and soft.

It tries to fill you out like a multiple-choice test, but you get the lead out and dodge.

It pencils itself a memo about kicking your ass, but you tip it over and it erases its memo.

It blows a bunch of pencil shavings in your face, but you close your eyes before they can get encrusted.

It taps a rhythmic tattoo on the wall that sounds suspiciously like morse code. A rain of pencils falls from the ceiling. The thunderous clatter of splintering wood is deafening, but none of the pencils hits you.

You gain 3-4 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Daily Dungeon.

References

• This monster's critical hit and fumble messages ressemble calling in an airstrike.