Scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil

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scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil

This is a tattered scrap of paper with some evil-looking markings on it. As you glance at it, you see the markings rearrange themselves into legible characters. At least they didn't rearrange themselves into cartoon characters, because that would've been even creepier.

Type: combat item
Selling Price: 65 Meat.

(In-game plural: scrolls of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil)

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Item number: 1960
Description ID: 719422624
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When Used

You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. Black tentacles emerge from the ground beneath it, and beat it soundly for 21-29 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A fire-ringed portal opens up behind it, singeing it for 21-29 damage before closing again. That portal must've lead somewhere pretty awful. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A draft of incredibly cold air blows in from nowhere, freezing him for 21-29 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. Sinister laughter echoes from the distance, the sound growing closer and louder until it overwhelms it, doing 21-29 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A cloud of sulfur coalesces around your opponent. It gags and sputters, taking 21-29 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A mass of tentacles emerge from the ground beneath him, sleazily carressing him for 21-29 damage. or You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. You hear a loud whoosh as a whirling cloud of darkness coalesces around your opponent. When the cloud dissipates, there's nothing left of the monster. You double over with pain -- your brain feels like it's on fire. These things are bad for you. You lose 5−6 hit points. (hot damage) or You suddenly shudder with cold. Maybe you shouldn't be messing with all of this forbidden evil... You lose 5−6 hit points. (cold damage) or You hear a voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear. And by "sweet" I mean "horrifying," and by "nothings" I mean "secrets man was not meant to know." I'm not sure why I said sweet nothings in the first place. Anyway, these scrolls are pretty evil. You lose 5−6 hit points. (spooky damage) or You suddenly notice a horrible smell. You look around, but find that it's coming from inside your nose! These scrolls are dangerous, man. You lose 5−6 hit points. (stench damage) or Out of nowhere, a greasy tentacle appears and slaps you in a strangely lascivious manner. You should be careful with all of this evil. You lose 5−6 hit points. (sleaze damage)

Notes

• This item is obtained by using a disintegrating quill pen while having an inkwell and a tattered scrap of paper in your inventory.
• Always causes one enemy damage and one self-damage effect.
• Randomly selects an element of recoil damage.
• Selects enemy damage based on elemental weakness:
  • Hot monsters take Stench Damage.
  • Cold monsters take Spooky Damage.
  • Spooky monsters take Hot Damage.
  • Stench monsters take Sleaze Damage.
  • Sleaze monsters take Cold Damage.
  • Monsters with no element take physical damage.
  • It is uncertain what causes the instant-death effect, although one theory states that physical-resistant monsters get the instant-death effect.
• Since each of the damage effects trigger on a specific elemental weakness, the elemental effects will be naturally doubled, dealing 42-58 damage.

References

• The last part of the description could refer to the trailer to the animated cartoon Loonatics. In the trailer, an animator draws all the Looney Toons characters. When he shuts the door, one of the ink bottles spill all over the drawing and then forms into the Loonatics. However, the concept of cartoon characters emerging from inkwells has been around for a long time -- for instance, in the old silent cartoon series Out of the Inkwell, starring KoKo the Clown.
• The "Black tentacles emerge from the ground beneath it" message may be a reference to the Dungeons and Dragons spell Evard's Black Tentacles.
• The line "these things are bad for you" from the hot damage description is quite possibly a reference to Homestar Runner. In the Strong Bad email "invisibility", Strong Bad imagines what it would be like to be invisible, and is shown stealing several boxes of Swiss Cake rolls, then punching Homestar in the stomach as he walks by. Homestar, only seeing the stack of boxes, says "Owwwwwww... Those things are bad for you!"
• The hot damage is dealt via a Portal of Evil, that leads Somewhere Awful, which are obvious references to the humor websites Portal of Evil and Something Awful.
• The line "secrets man was not meant to know." may be a reference to the works of Howard Phillips Lovecraft, who often uses that very phrase or ones similar to it in his famous horror stories.

Collection

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