Take a Look, it's in a Book!: Difference between revisions
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Apparently the author of this book used to spend his Tuesday afternoons talking to retired nether fiends. Turns out he was onto something -- if you want to know forbidden secrets of the dark and sinister nature of the Universe, those guys are the guys you want to talk to. | Apparently the author of this book used to spend his Tuesday afternoons talking to retired nether fiends. Turns out he was onto something -- if you want to know forbidden secrets of the dark and sinister nature of the Universe, those guys are the guys you want to talk to. | ||
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'''Chapter 2: The Nether Planes on 350 Meat a Day''' | '''Chapter 2: The Nether Planes on 350 Meat a Day''' | ||
Revision as of 17:23, 20 September 2006
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As you're wandering through the Spookyraven Library, you notice a shelf full of particularly interesting books.
Which one would you like to peruse?
| Read "The Rise of the House of Spookyraven" |
| Read "The Better Haunted Homes and Conservatories Cookbook" |
| Read "Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil, a Love Story" |
| Reading is for losers. I'm outta here. |
| Read "The Fall of the House of Spookyraven" |
| Read "To Serve Man... Delicious Cocktails" |
| Read "Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Yoga, a Beginner's Guide" |
| Reading is for losers. I'm outta here. |
Read "The Rise of the House of Spookyraven":
Man, this book is long! Which part do you want to read?
| Read Chapter 1: The Arrival |
| Read Chapter 2: The Manor |
| Read Chapter 3: Things Get Weird |
Chapter 1: The Arrival
This chapter tells the story of young Lord Spookyraven's arrival, by boat, in Seaside Town. Some sources say he came from Distant Lands, while others claim he hailed from Parts Unknown.
All of the sources agree on one thing, however: He was really, really creepy, and his creepiness was eclipsed only by his eccentricity.
He spent the first few years of his time in Seaside Town living in a series of squalid apartments, attempting (unsuccessfully) to make his fortune.
He eventually discovered that he had a knack both for dealing in rare books and for grooming animals, and he consequently opened Spookyraven's Hard-to-Find Bookstore and Hard-to-Wash Pet Salon on the Right Side of the Tracks.
Chapter 2: The Manor
Elevated by the success of his bookstore and pet salon, Lord Spookyraven became a pillar of the Seaside Town community. A pillar that was composed mostly of huge piles of Meat. Having achieved both popularity and wealth, he began to cast about for the one thing missing from his life -- love.
In a nightclub on the Wrong Side of the Tracks, he met Lady Spookyraven. They took the astonishing coincidence of their names to be an unmistakable sign that they should marry, which they did almost immediately.
Lord Spookyraven then leveraged his considerable fortunes to build the finest mansion Seaside Town had ever seen, a sprawling 8-room edifice he named "Spookyraven Manor."
The pitter-patter of little feet was soon to follow, as Lord Spookyraven sired twin children, Stephen and Elizabeth.
Chapter 3: Things Get Weird
As the earnings from Lord Spookyraven's bookstore and pet salon increased, so did the size and depth of his personal collection of books. Historians believe that Lord Spookyraven stumbled upon his first text of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil by accident, but are all agreed that once he got a taste for it, it fit him like a glove. Historians then apologized for mixing food and clothing metaphors.
By the time Stephen and Elizabeth were five years old, Lord Spookyraven had become more and more reclusive and distant from his family, spending nearly all of his time in his library, poring over ancient tomes.
Read "The Fall of the House of Spookyraven":
Man, this book is long! Which part do you want to read?
| Read Chapter 1: Things Get Weirder |
| Read Chapter 2: Stephen and Elizabeth |
| Read Chapter 3: Last Days |
Chapter 1: Things Get Weirder
As Lord Spookyraven retreated further and further into his study of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil, his business fell into disrepair and soon closed down. Having completely alienated himself from his wife, he is at this time reported to have taken several hundred mistresses.
Some scholars believe this infidelity was the result of the Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil slowly corrupting his sanity, others believe he was simply left directionless and bored after the dissolution of his business. Most of them just want to know how he managed to pull it off, because most scholars are actually really tired of hanging out alone in libraries.
His wife's response to his transgressions was unexpected. She didn't confront him, spiral into depression, or move back in with her mother -- instead she began to collect nightstands. Her collection grew so large that it was said to have displaced every bit of furniture in the Manor's enormous bedroom, including the bed.
Chapter 2: Stephen and Elizabeth
Lord Spookyraven's children Stephen and Elizabeth, like their mother, had some difficulty dealing with their father's descent into madness and philandering. Stephen had inherited his father's love of rare animals, and began to collect pets compulsively.
Though a handful of historians believe he was unusually cruel to them, it is more commonly believed that he simply had a knack for adopting incredibly unlucky animals. Whatever the reason, Spookyraven Manor soon had one of the finest pet cemeteries Seaside Town had ever seen.
Elizabeth cared for neither animals nor books, and instead focused her obsession on the collection of works of fine art. She built up an impressive collection in the Manor's gallery, but that collection was lost to her when one of Stephen's pet alligators swallowed the gallery's key.
Chapter 3: Last Days
Little is known about the last days of the Spookyraven family. The folk of Seaside Town noticed that Lord Spookyraven hadn't been seen in public for several years, which led them to realize that they hadn't seen the rest of the family lately, either, for that matter.
No sign of any of the family members was ever seen again, and Spookyraven Manor gradually became completely dilapidated.
Rumors that the family was sucked into some sort of otherdimensional portal accidentally opened by Lord Spookyraven are usually dismissed as either poppycock or balderdash, though some more modern scholars have begun to believe that they might, in fact, be either hogwash or tommyrot.
Read "The Better Haunted Homes and Conservatories Cookbook":
You flip through the cookbook. Interesting....
It says here that if you cook
- an item
with
- another item
that you'll get
- yet another item
Huh. You'll have to try that one sometime.
Read "To Serve Man... Delicious Cocktails":
You flip through the bartending guide. Interesting....
It says here that if you mix
- an item
with
- another item
that you'll get
- yet another item
Huh. You'll have to try that one sometime.
Read "Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil, a Love Story:
You crack open the tome of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil. Which particular flavor of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Evil were you looking for?
| Read Chapter 1: Tuesdays with Abhorrent Fiends |
| Read Chapter 2: The Nether Planes on 350 Meat a Day |
| Read Chapter 3: Twisted, Curdled, Corrupt Energy and You |
Chapter 1: Tuesdays with Abhorrent Fiends
Apparently the author of this book used to spend his Tuesday afternoons talking to retired nether fiends. Turns out he was onto something -- if you want to know forbidden secrets of the dark and sinister nature of the Universe, those guys are the guys you want to talk to.
| You gain 14-75 Wizardliness. |
Chapter 2: The Nether Planes on 350 Meat a Day
This chapter teaches you how to open portals into the Nether Planes, which it claims are a great vacation spot if you're completely tainted by evil.
Unfortunately, you accidentally open such a portal by absent-mindedly reading one of the passages out loud.
Fortunately, this particular portal opens into the middle of a dance party. You have a few hors d'ouevres, make some small talk, and pick up some killer dance moves from a some drunk demons before stepping back through the portal into the Library
| You gain 50-75 Roguishness. |
Chapter 3: Twisted, Curdled, Corrupt Energy and You
This part of the book is written in language so Ancient, so Forbidden, so Unspeakable, and so Evil that you can't make heads or tails of it. When you try, it just sort of hurts your brain.
 | You lose 10−15 hit points. (spooky damage) |
Read "Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Yoga, a Beginner's Guide": You read the book of Ancient Forbidden Unspeakable Yoga, and try out a few of the positions. They provide a surprisingly good workout, but a few of them put your head places man was not meant to see.
| You gain 50-75 Strongness. |
| You lose 10−15 hit points. (spooky damage) |
Reading is for losers. I'm outta here:
You're afraid of literature, apparently, so you bail.
Notes
- The cookbook and cocktail book show the ingredients and result of a random cooking/cocktailcrafting recipe.
References
- The adventure title comes from the theme song to the long-running PBS children's series Reading Rainbow.
- To Serve Man is a famous The Twilight Zone episode, which featured a cookbook with that title.
- "Better Haunted Homes and Conservatories" is a reference to Better Homes and Gardens.
