Clingy pirate (male)

Clingy pirate
Monster ID	627
Locations	The F'c'le
Hit Points	90
Attack	100
Defense	90
No-Hit	110
Initiative	50
Meat	52-78
Phylum	pirate
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	head, arm, leg, torso
Drops	bit of clingfilm
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a clingy pirate

You feel an arm slip around your waist, and look up to see a male pirate clinging to you. "Hey, let's sit down for a while and talk about our feelings," he says.

"Uh, how about we don't?" you reply. Tears well up in the clingy pirate's eyes.

"I just feel so emotionally distant from you right now," he says, "could you just hold me for a little while?"

"If by 'hold' you mean 'beat on,' then sure."

Hit Message(s):

He says, "you're amazing and I want you to know I consider you an equal." You roll your eyes so hard, you give yourself a headache.

He starts to cry, then worries that it makes him look like less of a man. You smack yourself on the forehead.

Critical Hit Message:

not known

Miss Message(s):

He tries to cuddle with you, but you befuddle his cuddling attempts.

He decides to assert his independence for a few seconds before neurotically clinging to you again.

He delivers a treatise on how manly men are really deeply insecure. You yawn.

He tries to cling to you, but you remain unclung to.

Fumble Message:

You tell him you only like him as a friend -- well, actually, you only like him as a mortal enemy. He curls up in the fetal position and starts sucking his thumb. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You gain some Meat

You acquire an item: bit of clingfilm

You gain 25 <substat>.

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Occurs at the F'c'le.

Notes

• Only occurs for female characters
• If you use a cocktail napkin on the clingy pirate, you get a different result.