Topiary golem

He kicks you with one of his leafy, thorny feet. You scream in pain with your leafy, thorny throat. Ouch! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Argh! Ow! Ow!

He smacks you in the <face> with one exquisitely manicured fist. You appreciate the aesthetics while you bleed. Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Ugh! Eek! Oof! Ugh!

It steps on what appears to be a pile of fertilizer and grows to twice its original size. It rears back a tree-sized fist and coldcocks you. Ow! Ow! Argh! Eek! Ooh! Ugh!

He starts to attack, but is distracted by the pale guy with a bunch of scissors for hands who is giving him a manicure.

He tries to smack you with a fist, but notices an ingrown berry and stops to pick it out.

It lunges toward you, but falls flat on its face as one of its legs breaks in half. Termites!

You acquire an item: hedge maze puzzle (62.7% chance)*

You gain 36 <substat>.

---

Occurs at The Hedge Maze.

References

• The "pale guy with a bunch of scissors for hands" is Edward Scissorhands, from Tim Burton's 1990 movie of the same name.
• The golems are from the old text adventure Zork game - if you lingered too long in one of the courtyards, the hedges would come alive and kill you.
• The golems could also be a reference to the hedge maze animals that come to life in Stephen King's "The Shining".
  (This reference may not be entirely accurate, so it needs to be double checked and properly explained and formatted. See this page's talk page for more information.)