Disco horoscopes
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Disco horoscopes are usable items found in The Space Odyssey Discotheque. There are 12, each relating to a zodiac sign and each gives ten turns of a different effect, summarised in the table below:
| Horoscope | Effect Name | Effect | |
|---|---|---|---|
 |
disco horoscope (Aquarius) | Aquarius Rising | Spell Damage +30 |
 |
disco horoscope (Aries) | Aries Rising | Weapon Damage +30 |
 |
disco horoscope (Cancer) | Cancer Rising | Maximum MP +100% |
 |
disco horoscope (Capricorn) | Capricorn Rising | +5% Item Drops from Monsters |
 |
disco horoscope (Gemini) | Gemini Rising | Maximum HP +100% |
 |
disco horoscope (Leo) | Leo Rising | +10% Meat from Monsters |
 |
disco horoscope (Libra) | Libra Rising | +1 Muscle Stats Per Fight +1 Mysticality Stats Per Fight +1 Moxie Stats Per Fight |
 |
disco horoscope (Pisces) | Pisces Rising | Mysticality +50% |
 |
disco horoscope (Sagittarius) | Sagittarius Rising | Ranged Damage +30 |
 |
disco horoscope (Taurus) | Taurus Rising | Muscle +50% |
 |
disco horoscope (Virgo) | Virgo Rising | Moxie +50% |
There is a trophy for having all of the above 12 effects active at the same time.
Random Horoscopes
When using one of the above items you receive a random horoscope, taken from the list below:
- Abandon hope for future plans.
- Beware Germans bearing gifts. Especially those holding a missile launcher behind their back.
- Beware the Ides of November.
- Capricorns are goats, and goats eat everything. Start with a pail.
- Do you really plan to leave the house dressed like that?
- Don't forget that Passionate Longing of the Warrior Witch is due back at the library.
- Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week.
- Maintain family relationships by not being such a twat.
- Seriously, for real, look both ways when you cross the street.
- That feeling that someone's watching you? It's just Woody Santos pulling pranks again. That little scamp!
- The burning in your loins this week is directly related to the itching in your spleen.
- The moon is passing through Libra. Be bold in your endeavors. Consider becoming a candlestick maker.
- The stars predict that you will barely miss your guts anyway, so don't dwell on it.
- The stars remind you that when the only tool you have is a crowbar, every problem looks like a nail.
- The stars say that you should "wrap it before you tap it." They're probably talking about beer kegs.
- The stars say your copy of Scarlet Yearning is a valuable original edition. Too bad you'd have to admit to owning it to sell it.
- This week you will unexpectedly... well, I can't tell you, otherwise it wouldn't be unexpected, and then there'd be a paradox.
- Those jerks who voted you "most likely to intercede" were right. But they're still jerks.
- Try not to spill any tiger balm on your leg today. Avoiding doing so may be harder than you might expect, but try.
- Try to resolve a conflict between a frog and a canary today.
- Under no circumstances should you carry a typewriter while swimming this week.
- Your power move this week is the Antepenultimate Enigma. You should probably stretch before you try it.
- You will meet the Prime Minister of Molehill, but what with the economy as it is, expect to go dutch.
- You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
- You will finally find out who shot JFK and J.R. this week, right before he shoots you.
- Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence.
- Your hay fever will get worse this week, as will your Saturday night fever.
- Your spirit bird this week is the corrupted-ship-owl. Beware the wildebeest.
References
- Some of the horoscopes are lines from the Weird Al Yankovich song "Your Horoscope For Today", specifically:
- Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week.
- You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
