Dr. Awkward

Dr. Awkward

After some searching, you manage to find Dr. Awkward, skulking in the shadows of the Palindome and fondling the Staff of Fats in a particularly creepy manner. "Hey, you!" you shout. "That fight we had? Yeah, I'm calling a do-over. Get out your best silver platter, 'cause I'm about to serve you your ass on it."

Dr. Awkward sneers and draws his sword. "Go deliver a dare, vile dog."

The Mega Gem glows brightly as you charge at your opponent, shouting your battlecry:

War, sir, is raw!

Egad! No bondage!

Eva, can I stack Rod's sad-ass, dork cats in a cave?

Results

Dr. Awkward
Monster ID	453
Locations	Dr. Awkward's Office
Hit Points	200
Attack	175
Defense	157
No-Hit	185
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	dude
Elements	None
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, leg, torso
Drops	Drowsy Sword
Quest	Staff of Fats
Pickpocket	fumble formula
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting Dr. Awkward

You don't know much about this evil little bald man wearing wire-rimmed spectacles and a black trenchcoat, other than the fact that he's stolen the Staff of Fats for some nefarious purpose. You figure that's plenty enough reason to beat the hell out of him. Heck, just the fact that he's evil would be reason enough, right?

Hit Message(s):

Dr. Awkward sneers evilly as you stumble directly into the path of his attack.Ouch! Ow! Oof! Ooh!

He pokes you several times with the pointy end of his sword Ooh! Ugh!

Critical Hit Message:

He ruthelessly beats you down, laughing. "Stab, mow, knife -- ye fink wombats!" he says, whatever that means. Argh!

Miss Message(s):

He growls angrily as you dodge his attack. "Damn a madness! Send a man mad!"

He pokes at you with his sword, but you dodge in a way that's too exciting for me to describe.

Fumble Message:

Dr. Awkward whips his rapier at you, but you fortuitously stumble out of the way. "Drat such custard!" he shouts, inexplicably. (FUMBLE!)

Special Move(s):

Dr. Awkward pulls out a small first-aid kit, and quickly patches himself up a bit.

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After Combat

You acquire an item: Staff of Fats

You acquire an item: Drowsy Sword

You gain 124 <substat>.

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Occurs at The Palindome with the Mega Gem equipped.

Notes

• You can fumble against him even with "Never Fumble" equipment.
• His healing skill will heal him between 45-50 HP.

References

• Dr. Awkward was the winning team in the 2007 MIT Mystery Hunt, an event in which Jick and Company participated.
• The "War, sir, is raw!" choice is a reference to WWE's WWE Raw.
• The battlecry buttons, Dr. Awkward, and several of his fight messages are palindromes.
• Dr. Awkward's description and appearance resemble that of Arnold Toht, a villain in the movie Raiders of the Lost Ark.