April Fools' Familiars

There are some vague or non-exact figures and information on this page. Some spading is required. Damage range, Percentages, etc.

On April Fool's Day 2010, familiars transformed into one of these wacky familiars at the start of combat.

• At the start of combat:<name> changes into a <Random April Fools Familiar>.
• After combat: <name> reverts to his original form.
• Runaway: <name> reverts to an amorphous blob

Bank Piggy

Ability: Takes 100 Meat every round, then returns the meat taken with 5% interest at end of combat.

Combat message:

<name> takes 100 Meat from you.

You lose 100 Meat.

End of combat:

<name> returns your Meat to you, with interest! Like, he's interested in the process. And also your Meat has earned interest.

You gain ((Meat)*1.05) Meat.

Egg Benedict

Ability: Attacks you at the end of combat for 50% of your max HP. Even if your HP drops to zero as a result of its attack, you still win the fight.

Combat messages:

<name> wobbles back and forth a little.

<name> stabs you in the back.

You lose 50% hit points.

Floating Eye

Ability: Paralyzes your foe or you, each turn. If you're paralyzed, your opponent will not miss, regardless of how high your moxie is.

Combat messages:

<name> gazes into your opponent's eyes, paralyzing him

As you start to attack, <name> gazes into your eyes, paralyzing you.

As you're about to use that item, <name> gazes into your eyes, paralyzing you.

Money-Making Goblin

Ability: Takes meat drops and either gives back double or loses everything.

End of Combat:

<name> grabs <amount> Meat and quickly rushes off toward the Thatch-Roofed Casino. A few minutes later, he trudges back with a disappointed look on his face.

<name> grabs <amount> Meat and quickly rushes off toward the Thatch-Roofed Casino. A few minutes later, he runs back to you with a big grin on his face.

You gain 2*amount Meat.

Oyster Bunny

Ability: Drops an Oyster Egg at the end of combat.

Combat messages:

<name> makes a soft clucking noise.

<name> hops around sniffing at things.

End of combat

<name> clucks and lays an egg.

You acquire an item: Random Oyster Egg

Plastic Grocery Bag

Ability: Does nothing.

Combat message:

<name> makes crinkling noises as it gets chased around by a cat.

<name> gets caught in a tree. "Yep," you think to yourself, "There's that bag."

<name> just sits there being unsafe for children.

<name> blows around in the breeze. It's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.

Snowhitman

Ability: Deals physical or cold damage, or gives 5 turns of B-b-brr! or Bruised Jaw.

Combat message:

<name> pops a silenced cap in your opponent, dealing X damage.

<name> jumps on your opponent and smothers him, dealing X damage.

<name> grabs a chunk of itself and throws it at your face. That thing is brutal.

You acquire an effect: B-b-brr! (duration: 5 Adventures)

<name> pistolwhips you, seriously bruising your jaw. Man. You can't trust anybody in this town.

You acquire an effect: Bruised Jaw (duration: 5 Adventures)

Vampire Bird

Ability: Deals physical or hot damage during combat. Damages you at the end of combat and gains bonus experience.

Combat message:

The Vampire Bird stabs your opponent in [his/her/its]s ass, dealing X damage.

The Vampire Bird casts your opponent into the lake of burning fire. Your opponent is burning to the crisp, taking X damage.

End of combat:

The Vampire Bird sucks the blood out of you, killing you. Well, not killing you, just hurting you.

You lose some hit points.

The Vampire Bird gains some experience

Worm Doctor

Ability: Heals you or the foe.

Combat messages:

<name> is interested in things. Right now, he seems to be interested in treating your opponent's wounds. Why that treacherous little... worm!

<name> isn't a real doctor, but he manages to patch you up a little bit anyway.

You gain some hit points.

References

• They call me Doctor Worm.
• The plastic grocery bag is a reference to the film American Beauty.
• Like the vampire bat, the Vampire Bird refers to the Wesley Willis song "Vampire Bat".
• The Egg Benedict is a reference to a rather famous American backstabber and an egg dish.