Lab monkey

Lab monkey
Monster ID	1634
Locations	The Secret Government Laboratory
Hit Points	150
Attack	200
Defense	200
Initiative	0
Meat	None
Phylum	beast
Elements	spooky
Resistance	None
Monster Parts	arm, head, tail, leg
Drops	limp broccoli, giant yellow hat, Monkey barf
Bounty	vivisected hair
Manuel Entry
refreshedit data

 You're fighting a lab monkey

Lab monkey like Cheat-os. Lab monkey gets stabbed, drinks Mountain Stream. Lab monkey very simple animal, revenge in his murder-eyes. Lab monkey make scream.

Hit Message(s):

It appears to be curious whether or not it can peel you like a banana, and does its best to do so. Ugh! Ugh! Oof!

It bites your face with its giant monkey teeth. Like, seriously. Ever looked in a monkey's mouth? Don't. They'll totally bite you. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

It flings something at you. Something not entirely unexpected, but entirely unwelcome. Ow! Ouch! (stench damage)

It leaps onto your face and tries to pull your eyelids off. Ow! Ooh! Ow!

You see a banana hanging from the ceiling. You climb a ladder to get to it, but an automated water gun hits you with a jet of icy water. What the heck? Ouch! Eek! (cold damage)

It wraps its prehensile tail around your throat and squeezes. Ow! Ow! Argh!

Critical Hit Message:

It leaps around the room, hissing and screeching, pelting you with anything it can grab. You get an exotic blend of blunt and sharp trauma to an astonishingly wide array of body parts. (CRITICAL HIT!) Ugh! Oof! Ugh!

Miss Message(s):

It starts to attack, but becomes curious about something across the room.

It bares its teeth at you, but you mock its lack of dental work.

It flings something unpleasant at you, but you dodge.

It tries to leap onto your face, but an automated water gun hits it with a jet of icy water.

You see a banana hanging from the ceiling, but the monkey shakes its head, as if to say, "it's a trap, man."

Its overwhelming curiosity causes it to be distracted by something shiny across the room.

Fumble Message:

It sees a banana hanging from the ceiling and laboriously drags a stepladder over so that it can reach it. Just as it touches the banana, an automated water gun sprays it with ice-cold water. Man, no wonder that monkey is murderous. (FUMBLE!)

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After Combat

You acquire an item: limp broccoli (15% chance)*

You acquire an item: giant yellow hat (5% chance)*

You acquire an item: monkey barf (10% chance)*

You acquire an item: airborne mutagen (10% chance)*

You acquire a bounty item: vivisected hair

(X of 10 found)

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Occurs at The Secret Government Laboratory.

Notes

• The Monkey barf only drops if the B.A.R.F. protocol has been activated at A Mysterious Control Panel.

References

• The intro text is a reference to the Jonathan Coulton song "Code Monkey", and can be sung to the tune of the chorus:

Code monkey like Fritos / Code monkey like Tab and Mountain Dew / Code monkey very simple man / Big warm fuzzy secret heart / Code monkey like you