Scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil

scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil

This is a tattered scrap of paper with some evil-looking markings on it. As you glance at it, you see the markings rearrange themselves into legible characters. At least they didn't rearrange themselves into cartoon characters, because that would've been even creepier.

Type: combat item

Selling Price: 65 Meat.

On use in combat:

You use the scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil.

You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. Black tentacles emerge from the ground beneath it, and beat it soundly for 25 damage.

You double over with pain -- your brain feels like it's on fire. These things are bad for you. You lose 6 hit points. (hot damage)

or

You use the scroll of ancient forbidden unspeakable evil.

You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. A fire-ringed portal opens up behind it, singeing it for 42 damage before closing again. That portal must've lead somewhere pretty awful.

You suddenly notice a horrible smell. You look around, but find that it's coming from inside your nose! These scrolls are dangerous, man. You lose 5 hit points. (stench damage)

or

You read the runes written on the tattered scroll. Black tentacles emerge from the ground beneath it, and beat it soundly for 25 damage.

Out of nowhere, a greasy tentacle appears and slaps you in a strangely lascivious manner. You should be careful with all of this evil. You lose 5 hit points. (sleaze damage)

or

You suddenly shudder with cold. Maybe you shouldn't be messing with all of this forbidden evil... You lose 5 hit points. (cold damage)

or

You hear a voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear. And by "sweet" I mean "horrifying," and by "nothings" I mean "secrets man was not meant to know." I'm not sure why I said sweet nothings in the first place.

Anyway, these scrolls are pretty evil.

You lose 6 hit points. (spooky damage)