The F'c'le

You're fighting a creamy pirate

   This pirate is practically smothered in various creams. He slathers on various unguents for everything from dry skin to missing limbs. No one knows why he does it -- maybe he was born under a bad sign. He usually spends his time hanging out in a white room with black curtains, far from the sunshine of your love, but today he's passing the time on the pirate ship before he dances the night away.