The Table
The kitchen table. The gathering place for families, the groaning board upon which nourishment is laid, the flat surface upon which the day's worries (and the mail) is laid. A powerful symbolic entity for the Pretentious Artist. It's also the place where he eats his breakfast.
| See what you've made so far |
You look at your kitchen table to survey what you have accomplished so far:
Initially:
- You've haven't managed to make any breakfast foods at all! At this rate, it's going to take you all day just to make a single meal.
After making a dish:
| Ingredient | Utensil | Result |
|---|---|---|
| Batter | Cutter | You've ironically winked at the concept of home cooking by making a biscuit. |
| Bread | Cutter | You've made some truly avant garde novelty toast. |
| Eggs | Cutter | |
| Meat | Cutter | You've made some deeply symbolic sausage patties. |
| Potatos | Cutter | (inedible) |
| Batter | Knife | (inedible) |
| Bread | Knife | You've made a subtly ironic piece of toast. |
| Eggs | Knife | (inedible) |
| Meat | Knife | You've decided regular bacon is too mainstream and made some Canadian bacon. |
| Potatos | Knife | You've subtly hinted at the dark underpinnings of suburban life with homestyle potatoes |
| Batter | Spatula | You've upended traditional art theory to make a pancake. |
| Bread | Spatula | (inedible) |
| Eggs | Spatula | You've created a masterful fried egg. |
| Meat | Spatula | You've given in to your populist urges and made some bacon. |
| Potatos | Spatula | (inedible) |
| Batter | Torch | (inedible) |
| Bread | Torch | You've pushed the boundaries of what the mainstream considers french toast. |
| Eggs | Torch | (hard boiled eggs) |
| Meat | Torch | (inedible) |
| Potatos | Torch | You've made a nourishing, but jarringly inappropriate, baked potato. |
| Batter | Whisk | You've really pushed the boundaries of metaphor to make some waffles. |
| Bread | Whisk | (inedible) |
| Eggs | Whisk | You've made a poignant plate of scrambled eggs. |
| Meat | Whisk | (inedible) |
| Potatos | Whisk | (inedible) |
And then, initially:
- You sit down at the table, but something just doesn't seem right. The aesthetics of the meal are incomplete; you could no sooner eat this now than you could put a moustache on the Mona Lisa.
Or, after making five dishes:
- Your opus is nearly complete. It need now only be subsumed (and consumed) by the Artist's soul (and mouth).
| Eat your breakfast |
You don't yet have a full breakfast to eat. Breakfast is an art, and art takes time. Lots of time.
Or, once you've made 5 dishes:
You sit down to the troubled repast of an artist's soul. Like all great art, it nourishes your soul. Like all artists, you're just thankful you get to have something to eat today.
Gain some of the following depending on the meal you made - scales to your stats - needs spading:
| You gain U Beefiness. |
| You gain W Wizardliness. |
| You gain X Chutzpah. |
 | You gain Y hit points. |
 | You gain Z Mana Points. |
And if you make an especially delicious meal (eg. Bacon, Scrambled Eggs, Pancakes, Homestyle Potatoes with Toast):
 | You acquire an effect: My Breakfast With Andrea (duration: 40 Adventures) |
And if you make an especially horrible meal (eg. Meat + Whisk, Batter + Torch, Potatoes + Cookie Cutter, Bread + Whisk, Eggs + Butterknife):
| You acquire an effect: Breakfast Clubbed (duration: 25 Adventures) |
| Contemplate Existence |
You've eaten your daily repast, and the table contains nothing but the unwashed dishes of your lingering discontent.
- Occurs in The Pretentious Artist's Obsession
Notes
- This encounter doesn't use any energy.
- The first two buttons show up before you've eaten, the last one only shows up afterwards.
